[okstategrads]

Hi All,

I am in need of a good book on how to discipline a strong-willed child. My 2 1/2 yr old is so precious, but has some behaviors, such as scratching, biting, telling us no, etc, that are not improving with "time outs" and taking away favorite things.. She scratched a little girl in the preschool today and broke the skin - ugh!! Her teachers also told me that in the last 2 weeks, she has been telling them no and swatting at them when she doesn't want to do something - of course, today is the first time I've heard about these behaviors. At home we are seeing the same things ..I need some help!!

Thanks, Kim

[Shilo32]

I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. When my older one was 2 years, I did not know what to do anymore. I actually took the Love and Logic parenting classes - but they also have books. It is a great philosophy for parenting... and I would highly recommend it. Do a search on google and it will get you to their website.

For the negative behaviors, they tell you to talk to your child when they are happy (at dinner tonight) and explain that next time she does __________, that you are going to give her some time alone. Trust me, she will understand you. Then, when she exhibits the behavior, you - express empathy - "How sad, looks like you need some alone time" and then take her up to her room - Tell her she can come out when she can be nice and when she is done screaming. (I usually shut the door and then walk away. (There is no set time, their philosophy is that you do not need to make them apologize and when she comes out, you can hug her or just go on about your business and include her in an activity - but don't explain to her why she was in her room - she knows). If you read the book it makes much more sense. They are also are in favor of giving your child lots of choices, ... simple stuff like - do you want this spoon or that spoon, do you want these socks today or these socks.... the idea is that your child will feel like she is in control of some things in her life. This probably isn't making any sense, but I really believe in their philosophy. The classes were great. If you can't find it online, then email me and I will try to send you the link. Hope that helps! (remember, they are always going through a phase - it does get better!)

[Pipercub]

Grace based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel. FABULOUS book!

[nurse_reedle]

I have just learned about Grace-Based Parenting recently. We have been practicing it for less than 2 weeks and see a HUGE difference in our 20 month old son....adn in us and our relationship with him and each other too! I am a true believer in this system! It works GREAT!!!

[szumbiel]

I would encourage you to read Positive Discipline for Preschoolers by Jane Nelson.

[MiHijo]

I pretty much read all of Dr. William Sears books, sleeping, baby, feeding, discipline, christianity, etc... I've always found the Sears family as a go to scene. Both for my birth kids and adopted. They have both in their family https://www.askdrsears.com/store/products.asp?cat=20

[Waiting4Celeste]

Someone here recommended this book to me and I got it a few weeks ago and it is working ALREADY!!

1-2-3 Magic
(it says it is effective for kids ages 2-12)

I thought it was about counting down the "old way": like counting until the child does what you want... but it is the opposite. It works by basically giving warnings and chances for the child to make the right decision. I have to say that after using it for about 2 weeks, Jacob (who will be 5 next month) has already figured out that he needs to make a better decision or face the consequences and there is grace built in too. He doesn't have to be perfect - but he needs to deal with the consequences when he continues to make bad decisions.
I think he has only reached "3" a few times.

In your situation, the book would tell you to sit down and explain how it is going to work first... then if she bites, you would look at her very calmly with no emotion and say, "That's one." If she does it again (or another misbehavior) say, "That's two." If she does it again, you say, "That's three, now you need to take five." and you send the child to your designated time out place.

Search online for it - I got mine for about $8.00 and it was worth every penny!

BTW, I think the thing that has helped us the most is that is has taken MY emotions out of the equation. I don't lecture him or yell at him or get to the point that I blow up. I just look at him and say. "That's one." and he knows instantly he is messing up and he needs to stop that behavior. I have noticed that he and I have been having a much better relationship recently because I am not resorting to screaming to get my point across. And this has been during a stressful two weeks of being stuck at home with no power for 3 days - off and on - no Preschool and being cooped up inside!

Good luck!