[p4pxa]

Maybe this has been asked before, but I just wanted some feedback. I guess there are pros and cons with either child, but as a single female, I wondered about adopting a male. So many people ask for girls and I am not sure what the reason is, but I would appreciate any ideas why girls are preferred over boys?

[SchnauzerMom]

We orginally planned on adopting a girl from China, and kept it that way when we switched to Guatemala. However, in the end, we decided to take a boy referral AND adopt a girl soon after. Our babies are 2.5 months apart and should come home this spring.

Apparently, something like 90% of people want a boy for their first-born bio child. However, when people adopt, 80% want a girl first. When asked why, research finds that most people simply believe that girls are easier to raise.

My co-workers with children think girls are much more difficult. They told me boys are high energy when young, but that girls tend to be much more difficult as pre-teens and teens. I teach at a middle school and totally understand what they are referring to with this logic. The girls in my classes cause more drama and silly behavior problems than the boys every thought about causing.

My son is simply adorable and had the sweetest temperment when we visited. I can't imagine not having him in my life now.

[guategranny]

AS THE MOTHER OF BOTH A BOY AND A GIRL, I BELIEVE THAT EACH ONE BRINGS THEIR OWN SPECIAL JOY TO A MOTHER'S HEART. BOTH OF MY CHILDREN HAVE ENRICHED MY LIFE TREMENDOUSLY; THEREFORE I RECOMMEND THAT YOUR CHOICE SHOULD BE GUIDED BY YOUR HEART. GOOD LUCK IN YOUR DECISION

[Tiggysgirl]

I've asked this before too ... one person told me that a lot of the single women prefer girls, because it's what they know. I've also been given a similar reason for couples because typically the woman is the one doing most of the work and therefore puts her desire out there.

Whether that's true or not, I don't know. BUT, originally I really wanted a girl. It IS what I know and honestly, raising a boy scares me a little LOL But, we decided NOT to choose sex and are with an agency where you really do have a 50% chance of either sex, so when we were referred a boy, we knew that was what we were meant to have.

I relayed my fears to friends and family and every single one said boys are easier to raise (I don't mean that to mean BETTER than girls, though). But, I was still scared. Until I spent a few days recently with my cousin and her three kids (1 girl, 2 boys). OMG I love my niece, but she is a handful! And the boys ... they're handfuls too, but are much more lovey than Ki has ever been. From what my mom says, my brother and I were the same way and my grandmother says the same about her 3 girls and 1 boy.

So ... why do people prefer girls? I don't know the answer. Deciding which sex for yourself is completely personal. I do like the idea of not choosing, but everyone has their own ideas, reasons and preferences.

Good luck and I honestly don't think there's any reason a single female should only be able to choose a daughter ... think about it ... mommy's boy!! lol

[ManyTimesBlessed]

I have done a lot of research on this and have come up with 3 reasons that seem to be the most typical reason that people prefer girls.

1. People perceive girls as being easier to raise
2. Usually it is the wife who makes the decision regarding the gender of the child and most women want a daughter (I assume it is the same when a single woman adopts - usually she wants a daughter).
3. This last one is controversial and I don't want to offend anyone, but here it goes: I have also heard that some people do not want to pass on their family name to an adopted boy and so they choose to adopt a girl.

I hope that helps. I really believe that you have to make the decision that is right for you. If a girl is where your heart is then don't let anyone talk you out of it. But, if you're flexible then you might want to consider a boy since so many of them are waiting for homes.

[SAVeronika]

Here's my opinion: I have a bio son and bio daughter. I have wanted to adopt for a long time and always dreamed of a daughter from China. Since I won't qualify for China for a little more than two years, we've been looking at other countries in the mean time. Maybe it's because I've dreamed about adopting a daughter for so long, but even in looking at other countries I've been thinking of adopting a girl. Only after researching for a couple of months have I started coming around to the idea of adopting a boy in the future. I don't know why I'm so partial to adopting a girl, but it definately doesn't have anything to do with a girl preferance (I LOVE my son, he is a blessing and a delight to be around) or not wanting to pass our name on to a boy, but that's just us.

Veronika

[b_fettes]

Hi, first time round we asked for either gender and got the most adorable, beautiful , loving son in the world-yes I am biased. Boys are brilliant, affectionate and wonderfully uncomplicated. I do feel sad that fewer people want to adopt them. Girls are brilliant too, I would love that sense of gender balance in our family. Make the right decision for you but don't be frightened of boys, if they are raised with love and encouraged to share their feelings they are wonderful. I do think they need some role models and if you have anyone who will step in a fill that role it might be useful.

Mary

[CashCrew]

I have 2 of each and while both bring their own set of AMAZING, WONDERFUL characteristics to our family, our boys are much easier so far than our girls, for me anyway. (Actually the girls are a tad bit easier for my husband and the boys a much easier for me.) Only one of my boys has been high energy and it really hasnt even been as high energy as one of my girls. WIth the boys, when you need to redirect them, they are happy just to turn and go on with something else. WIth the girls, it's a complete power struggle, emotional mind game. LOL If I'm sad or anxious about something, it will always be one of my boys to sense it first and come give me a hug and be sensitive to me. The girls go tell their dad, "Stay away from mom! She is in a bad mood!" LOL The girls add so much to our home and I love them beyond life itself just as I do my boys, but the boys, in our family at least, are easier on a day to day basis for me.

We didn't choose gender this time because we just couldn't do it. We love them both equally and we really wanted to do it how mother nature would if we were adding a child by biological measures. You just have to let your heart lead you if you do choose.

[JosieWales]

We wanted a boy from Guat simply because we were already in the process of adoption from China (girl). Our Guat referral was a boy, then, even though we just pulled out of China adoption. And I have never thought twice about it--Owen is ours! (or will be)

[WesieMom]

I totally agree with Guategranny! We have one of each and they are both such a blessing and have their own little things and characteristics. I don't necessarily feel that one is easier then the other. But when we made the decision to adopt, we knew that we wanted to add a girl to our family. I knew that my son would be a good middle child and knew that he would be the only boy we have. So, a girl it is for us....If unsure about Gender, maybe tell your agency your open for Gender and be Surprized!
Good luck on your decison!

[juliemom23]

I agree with WhitmireFamily on why many people chose girls. All three of those reasons are reasons I have heard from people IRL. We have been in the adoption realm since 2003 and people usually do prefer girls.

We started our first adoption journey in 2003. We went to Russia and specified twins of any gender. At that point we had a bio boy and a girl, so I guess it didn't really matter to us. In my mind though I was kind of hoping for at least one girl. We finally got twin girls (it is a horrific story, but it did not work out).

Since our Russin adoption we have one more bio girl. So when we decided to go to Guatemala, we wanted a boy to even things out. We even thought maybe two boys to finish our family off. So we had a boy in mind when we saw Gideon and thought that would be it, but then we saw Ana and now it seems perfect (we just have to bring them home ).

Ok, I've been super long winded I guess to say, do go with your heart. I 100% believe that boys are much easier to raise, but that doesn't mean my girls aren't 100% incredible also, they are just different.

Oh, and from a single mom perspective.....My dad died when I was two. My mom was pregnant with my little brother and I had a 5 and 8 yr old sister, she raised us alone. My uncle was a God send and a big part of our lives, but it was hard. I think boy or girl it is very important to make sure there's a male figure there for your little one to have access to. I think some people think only the boys need a male figure, but I needed (and still do need) my uncle more than I can say.

ANyway, just my two cents.

Julie

[Hopingsoon]

I've often thought about this question myself, and don't really know the answer. All I know, is that all of my life, I wanted a son. If I were to adopt more kids, I'd want more boys. But, this is just me, and I'm thankful that I was able to make the decision.

[JosieWales]

Originally Posted by juliemom23

My uncle was a God send and a big part of our lives, but it was hard. I think boy or girl it is very important to make sure there's a male figure there for your little one to have access to. I think some people think only the boys need a male figure, but I needed (and still do need) my uncle more than I can say.
Julie

Absolutely. I still adore and depend on my dad. When we thought my SIL's DH was leaving her, my DH and BIL stepped in to be the male figures. Kids need them!

[GuatMommy2Be]

We are going along with this adoption as our daughter will be our only child. (We have no idea if we'll EVER go through this again...) My family has boys, boys, and more boys! For this reason, I wanted a girl. My daughter and my nephew Jaden, are roughly 2 months apart and I can see a HUGE difference personality wise. Jaden (my nephew) is very, very laid back, while my daughter is a bit high maintence. She will definitely be a drama queen.

[bbull]

The reason I chose a girl is simple. I'll be a single mom (or am....?) and I am not very athletic or gifted in the art of squashing bugs, etc. I was very worried I wouldn't be able to give my son everything he needs in a family. Although I certainly stand by my decision because I believe Rosie and I were meant to be together - I see how naive I was at the time. My dad and brother have stepped in to be male role models (they are all boy!) and they will do the same with Rosie. I also had no idea how many boys need homes. Now that I'm more familiar with the process I see that I wanted a child and I would have been so very happy to have either a boy or a girl.

Oh, and I knew girls may be more difficult to raise than boys! But, I really was certain at the time I wanted a girl. Again, I'm glad I made the decision I did - but now I can certainly say I'm very interested in adopting a boy one day!