[Foradoption]

I was wondering if any of you have read the comments in Elle UK by Angelina Jolie. She states, in summary, that she feels more for her children, Zahara and Maddox because they are survivors and she has to be conscious not to forget about the needs of her daughter Shiloh. I found this interesting that she felt different, that she felt almost closer to Zahara and Maddox than to Shiloh.

I know a lot of you out there have biological and adopting children, do you feel any differently? (asking for personal reasons myself.) I've always thought, no matter how a child came into the family, they were part of the family equally.

[Aidensparents]

This is an interesting comment because my mother asked me this question the other day. She wanted to know if I felt any different about Aiden then I did for my bio daughters...I told her she was insane that even though Aiden didn't grow under my heart and I didn't produce him, he "is" mine and I "am" his mommy and honestly I don't see any difference in the way I feel for them.

[carlyincali]

I read about this somewhere. It may have been in my adoption book. We wonder if we are going to love our adopted children as much as our biological; but then it becomes that, we almost love our adopted children more because of what we went through to get them.

[TheFoxx]

I completely lost respect in AJ after her comments about Madonna's adoption. She apparently went on a tirade against Madonna and how SHE would never adopt from a country that didn't have laws to protect the children yadda yadda yadda. While I do agree that Madonna's adoption of David may be questionable, it's not for AJ to say and, um, hello, Miss huge supporter of Unicef. Maybe she should be educating herself about the things her pet charity does.

[devildogwife]

Originally Posted by TheFoxx

I completely lost respect in AJ after her comments about Madonna's adoption. She apparently went on a tirade against Madonna and how SHE would never adopt from a country that didn't have laws to protect the children yadda yadda yadda. While I do agree that Madonna's adoption of David may be questionable, it's not for AJ to say and, um, hello, Miss huge supporter of Unicef. Maybe she should be educating herself about the things her pet charity does.

Actually, I disagree. I read her comments and they definitely didn't seem like a tirade to me at all. She just stated her opinion. And if they interviewed her about this, she can choose to say whatever she wants. It's not like she just went out there intentionally blasting her.

[lisam951]

I feel totally the same about my two dds. I did not just easily get pg for my bio dd. I was not supposed to be able to become pregnant. So I did not go through more to adopt. I consider both my dds to be my miracle babies. God used different ways of getting my children to me, but they are equally loved and cherished.

[robinsnest005]

I love all of mine the same! I feel so blessed!!!!!

[annaguat]

Yes, they are equaly parts but I do understand what she is saying. Anna

[becky]

I understand that feeling and I think I do feel somewhat differently. I love all of my children the same, but with Bella I have the added feeling of being very 'lucky and blessed' to be her parent.

[adoptguatemalablog]

The kids are definitely equal (Our daughter is 3 and from Guatemala and our son turns 1 this week and is our biological child). I actually like the transparency that Angelina Jolie has given here. She doesn't say it is right and acknowledges that she does work to make sure she doesn't forget the needs of Shiloh. Whether we are guilty of it or not, our family and friends will tend to favor our adopted children because of "their story." We definitely need to remain aware of the needs of our kids.

As far as the whole Madonna, AJ, or whatever scene, I never put much stock in what the press reports about these guys anyway.

[vh9076]

I get what she is saying to a certain extent. I don't love any of my four kids differently, but I do feel a little extra protective of Ava. Hard to explain.

[JosieWales]

Originally Posted by lisam951

I feel totally the same about my two dds. I did not just easily get pg for my bio dd. I was not supposed to be able to become pregnant. So I did not go through more to adopt. I consider both my dds to be my miracle babies. God used different ways of getting my children to me, but they are equally loved and cherished.

I agree 100%--I already adore my future DS, but also went through infertility treatment for 4.5 yrs before working on adopting. If I were to get pg now, I would love that baby just as much, because DH and I have gone through h*ll and back with TTC as well!

[ourdreamcametru]

We have two bio boys and one adopted daughter and do not love any more than the other. I think that there is a "different" bond between the way I feel about each of them because of their birth story. My first son was almost 7 weeks early, our first child and the first grandchild on both sides all this makes our bond with him what it is. Our second son was born on time but died right before he was born and the hospital staff and doctors had to work very hard to revive him, this makes our bond with him what it is. Our daughter is adopted through private, domestic adoption and this makes her bond what it is. All of this aside, each of them belong to us and we love each of them without any thought as to which one is adopted or biological!

[godfrey544]

I actually feel sorry for little Shiloh on that one. Some day she'll be able to read those comments and feel as though she isn't "special" enough to compete with her brother and sister. I'm sure Anjelina didn't mean to sound cold towards her bio, but it certainly came off that way. It did make me think very carefully about making sure my bio children know how incredible blessed I am to have them, and just because their lives were "priviledged" from the get-go, they are no less important or cherished. I always knew I'd make sure our adopted son knew that, but never looked at it from the bio children's point of view. Thanks, Anjelina! Good lesson for those of us who built our families both ways.

[DianeS]

Wow - I read that comment completely differently.

I don't think it's a comment on how "loved" or how "special" each of her children are. I read it as a simple comment on their personalities.

In the enviornment Zahara and Maddox came from, life was awful. But they survived. That probably means they are a little (maybe a lot) more demanding than your average kid. They had personalities and behaviors that allowed survival there to be a little easier on them.

Shiloh has never had those needs. She's probably a calm, undemanding child. (You may think that's a stretch, but AJ refers to the other two as demanding without putting Shiloh into that category - therefore Shiloh isn't demanding.)

Now, when you have one child pulling on you and whining for a snack, and one child sitting at a table loudly telling you to come help him with his toy, and one child lying in her crib waiting for her diaper to get changed - who do you think gets attended to first, second, and last?

I don't think it has anything to do with adoption or biology - but simply a comment on personality. If Shiloh doesn't demand things and attention, she's probably the one who waits, and AJ has to consciously think about Shiloh in order to be sure Shiloh gets her fair 1/3 of the attention.