[dspakowsky]

My step-kids are living with us. Each of them, along with my husband and I, got seperate cards with checks. None for for daughter, Carolina. On Christmas my husband called his mom and said "so the check you gave us, that's for Carolina?" and she said "no, it's to go out to dinner.". He said "so then where's Carolina's card?" She started laughing and explaining that she totally forgot about her. It was so uncomfortable, and she asked to talk to me. She explained how she forgot, etc. I said "when you send a check I'll make sure to buy her something nice." All she said was "Christmas was very expensive this year". I said "a card would be lovely". She didn't reply.

My MIL was just here at Thanksgiving, at which time she brought all the kids, including Carolina, a present. She's seen our daughter several times.

She also forgot her birthday in August, but remembered to send my step-kids presents.

I'm so mad! This is going to stop now while my daughter(s) are young! I told my husband that if something doesn't show up in the mail, we're going to send back all the money she sent for Christmas (and I'm not kidding). Thankfully, my husband totally sees how rude she is about this.

Any advice? I like to have a forgiving heart, but who knows what that part of the family thinks. Carolina is my first daughter, and this was our first Christmas.

[Foradoption]

Oh hun, I'm so sorry. That was an inconsiderate thing of your MIL to do. I hope she gets a card out to you soon. Hugs...

[heathcliff]

I'm so sorry about your MIL. You know I was thinking about my family over this holiday week and I was thinking about how I love them and want my DD to be part of this great family, but boy can they be frustrating sometimes. I think that family can be the most difficult sometimes and they should be the easiest to deal with out all the things we go through in life...but many times they are just the opposite..

No words of wisdom, just that I understand.

Cindy

[dilgra]

Oh Daphne ~ I'm so sorry. You did the right thing by letting her know that she forgot about Carolina. She needs to know how hurtful and down right "Rude" this was while Carolina is still young. I would send the money back too. Hopefully she will realize how awful this was and come to her senses.

[PRINCESS1976]

This is unbelievable --- sorry for your pain

[hesabanana]

How hurtful! I would be just devastated. I am so sorry.

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by dspakowsky

I'm so mad! This is going to stop now while my daughter(s) are young! I told my husband that if something doesn't show up in the mail, we're going to send back all the money she sent for Christmas (and I'm not kidding). Thankfully, my husband totally sees how rude she is about this.

More power to you. PLEASE put your foot down now. I was one of those grandkids that always got less. While I tried to laugh it off, it hurt me deeply. I actually started acting out as a teen-ager with my grandma, saying things I know would upset her. (Like telling her that I intended to live with guys instead of marrying them. This was in the early 70's, so you can see how well that went over.)

At any rate I would tell her that all you children deserve equal treatment. Are there other issues as well (like her "liking" the ex more.) This might be her way of being passively aggressive.

[waitingforIsabel]

I am so sorry! That was a heartless thing to do. Kudos for you to taking an active stance- now while Carolina is so little and doesn't understand. (((((Hugs )))))your way- I think you are doing the right thing!

[annaguat]

Ask mil to send one check for all the kids and then you devide the $ between the children or buy a family gift. I would let her know, if she does not acknowledge Carolina, that you put all the money together and did that. I would not let on to the children what happened. This might have to do more with family size/number of children then anything else as this is a pretty common issues for larger families. Often the first two children are acknowledge and after that it is down hill. Hugs and enjoy your lovely family this holiday season. Anna

[starryeyes]

I like Annaguat's idea - pool the money, and divide it up appropriately. Give her the benefit of the doubt this time for her "mistake" and let her know how you corrected the situation.

Good for you for sticking up for your daughter.

[devildogwife]

That's not necessarily true that that happens will large families. On one side of my family, my grandparents have 4 children (plus their spouses), 20 grandchildren (plus spouses), and 12 great-grandchildren. My grandparents don't even have a pension to live on, but they manage to treat us all equally and get us all gifts equally. Never have they showed favoritism. If finances were an issue, why didn't she do less all around and include everyone? I would definitely squash this now-how painful and hurtful.

[Michelle Smiles]

How horrible! Definitely find a way to stop this! I would also suggest the 1 check for a family gift if she can't manage to remember all of her grandchildren and if she doesn't want to do that then tell her no thanks. Just my opinion! Good luck!

[dspakowsky]

It makes me cry as I read your responses. I thought that maybe I was over-reacting, but I can see that I wansn't. This was mean of her.

I like the suggestions you've given me. I'll post once we decide what we'll do or she sends something.

I should add that while my MIL is nice to my daughter, she's always said my husband doesn't need any more kids. I told her on day one he will. And guess what dear MIL - he did!!!

[mamaskoby]

Sounds familiar....I feel for you. Maybe your MIL needs to hear this from her son, sounds like she isn't giving you the respect at all you deserve. I would ask your dh to talk to her and be firm if she doesn't accept your daughter then she cannot have any of you in her life. Be firm now, or this will go on for years...She doesn't get to pick and chose and she is trying to do that. Good luck. I am so sorry this happened to you and your dd.

[Tiggysgirl]

DAPHNE!!!! OMG that is awful. No, I think you are exactly right. I think that if you keep the cards, despite how nice extra money might be, it only tells her that it's okay. Can you send the step-kids money back as well (I know that gets to be a sticky situation)? I would also include a letter. In my opinion, the forgiveness/adult aspect would be to very calmly and without malice explain the situation.

I'd almost write it as if it were going to a child or someone we barely knew. Like ... I know that you have trouble accepting our daughter and will probably have the same problems with Evangeline, but we think it's best for our children if you hang onto your money until you are able to accept our whole family. Hope you have a wonderful 2007.


LOL I know from our talks that this is probably not her just "forgetting". And, I agree with mamaskoby, maybe you should have hubby write it.

Ugh, Daphne ... it is horrible. I wish I could send you a portion of the support I have. I truly do.