[Evan's Folks]

An article appeared in the Atlanta paper by a child psychologist named John Rosemond that contained some clever responses and insight to statements such as "adopted", "given up for adoption", "real parents", "natural parents", "is this child your own?":

Here is the link to the article on John Rosemond's website: Weekly Column

Here are some of the highlights:
1) Adopted - verb, "My child was adopted" - so I guessing saying "is adopted" is not correct since an adoption has taken place and has been completed.
2) "Given up for adoption" - children are not objects and therefore cannot be given, people make adoption plans or choose adoption for a child.
3) "Real Parents" - As opposed to imaginary parents?
4) "Natural Parents" - Aren't we all natural parents and supernatural at times? Our children have only one set of parents.
5) "Is this child your own?" - You'll have to read the article for the response, but trust me that the response will leave the person who asked the original question a little dumbfounded.

I'm sure the list of questions/comments that adoptive parents hear is numerous. Here are a few questions/comments from other posts in this forum:

1) "Where is your child from?" - Response: "my child is from [insert where you live]. If you meant, where was he/she born, he/she was born in Guatemala." Would this same person ask the same question of your biological child? That would be quite comical - "Well, I'm from Georgia, but I was born in Texas. My child is also from Georgia, but was born in Florida."
2) "How much did he/she cost?" - I still haven't figured out how I will best answer this question, but I know that part of the response should be something along the lines of: "my child did not cost anything, he/she is not an object that can be purchased."
3) "Where are his/her real parents?" - Response, "We are his/her parents" See "real parents" above.
4) "You know what I meant." - Response: I answered the questions that you asked me. So, no, I don't know what you meant.

And one question that an American teenager asked me in the Guatemala City airport during our most recent trip:
1) "Is it easy to adopt from Guatemala?" - My response, "The process of adoption is not 'easy' no matter where you choose to adopt from." What I wanted to say, "First, can you say it any louder here in the airport in front of a bunch of Guatemalans? Second, how much time do you have for me to explain how 'easy' this process is not?"

Please add other questions that you have been asked and include both your actual responses and what you really wanted to say.

[jeni1]

Great article!

[jules17]

2) "How much did he/she cost?" - I still haven't figured out how I will best answer this question, but I know that part of the response should be something along the lines of: "my child did not cost anything, he/she is not an object that can be purchased."


So far, we have come up with "Gosh, who can put a price on love?"

I am not sure if that is a good answer or not, since it still acknowledges (and potentially validates?) the "price/cost" issue. Still thinking...

[tybeemuffin]

"Are they teaching her English. " (When DD was 4 months old and still in Guatemala)

I explained that Guatemala is a 3rd world country and they just don't have English speaking tutors for 4 month olds.

[sdsb1996]

I rarely post but I have to jump in here. Early in the school year (I teach jr. high) the language arts teacher started asking me questions about my daughter and fertility and adoption. She has a very know-it-all personality and I am not a fan of her's to begin with. I will quote what she said to me "Why didn't you adopt from Russia or somewhere else. Or do you not have a problem with different races? I mean are you planning to tell her she's adopted."

Nice educated questions huh?!?

[nurse_reedle]

We had to get a loan to help pay for part of the adoption of our son. The other day my mother said something about "when you pay Isaac off". I was floored that she said it even though I know she just mis-spoke and meant nothing by it.

[acjmn4ever]

Our answer to the "how much did he cost"... I usually scrunch up my face with an " are you kidding look" and say do you mean how much are the attorney fee's? Well, attorney's charge to much for their services is every country!" .
Our funny question was "Are you going to learn Spanish so you can understand him?" (our son was 6 month old.) The first time I heard that I thought it was cute cuz it was from my 10 year old neighbor. But then I started getting that same question from adults!! People are weird! MoMo

[b_fettes]

Statements which tick me off:
Oh he's lovely, wait and see -you'll have one of your own soon.

How can any be bad to a child like that?
or
Did you meet his mother? to which husband replied " Yes and I married her".

Mary

[rlf0504]

Always put the responsibility back on the person asking by saying, "Why do you ask?" It gives someone seriously interested in adoption the chance to say so and allows you to respond with "I can give you my agency's phone number and they can answer your questions." And if it's a fool asking, they usually will stop the questions.

But ask me on a bad day about the cost...and I like to respond "I'll tell you what the legal fees were when you tell me your income last year?"

It's always best to be prepared with answers ahead of time.

Take care,
Rhonda

[devildogwife]

I was asked last night what language our future child (from Vietnam) would be speaking. I said, well, infants usually don't have long conversations, he'll probably just babble. People are sure interesting.

[saranbr]

Our DD was seven months at homecoming and our neighbor asked if knew any English yet-- I replied that she knows as much as any seven month old. He then responded that he just assumed that they spoke Spanish down there! Duh!!!

[Guatmom2006]

I've gotten, "You pay for the babies, right?" Uh, no, you idiot.

[gwenrenee007]

Our daughter isn't home yet, but when we told my FIL. He said, " so will she be Mexican then?"
We said, "here is a map and this is Guatemala and this is Mexico. We wouldn't care if she was Mexican would you?"
He then said, "of course not."
We still laugh about how stupid that is!!

[Alexismandyjr]

I have 5 bio kids. My son just got home last week. I actually had someone ask me if he was 50% off since I already had so many kids...... I can't post my reply to that comment!

[msrepo]

We are just in the paperchasing stage but at dinner with my "friends" the other night, one lady said "Why don't you get a Mexican since they are hard-workers." Her comment didn't deserve to get a response.