[nurse_reedle]

I guess I agree with points everyone here is making. I think other people can be too ignorant.....choosing to be ingnorant and not trying to be at all sensitive, while others are trying to invest honest interest and try and learn about adoption. I think MOST people fall into the latter category. I find myself being MORE sensitive to other people's remarks after reading threads like this one, when probably I shouldn't.Somedays, I am more sensitive for other reasons, like I am just having a bad day and they come across wrong. That is not fair to them. I am proud of where my son is from and how he came into our lives. I never want to give him the impression that I feel any less than that he is the biggest blessing that God could bestow in our lives. There are some things though, that I feel are just hurtful or plain wrong. For instance, I know someone that adopted a little boy from China. His dad is always saying things like "Is the Chink awake yet?" I am sorry....that is offensive. Asking if we picked our son out of a catalog is just plain offensive. Asking how much "he" cost or when we are going to have "him paid off" gives me a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and, yes, I find it offensive. I don't find it offensive, usually, when people ask where is from or why his birthmother gave him up for adoption. I understand what they mean. Once in awhile though, someone says something or asks something in a way that I KNOW they are just trying to antagonizing or don't approve or whatever. In those cases, it is hard to not feel offended.....after all....they are talking about the light of my life :-)

[widgit]

In the grocery store while staring at our like-twins:

"So were they buy one get one free?"

"NO, BUT I HEAR BRAINS ARE HALF PRICE IN AISLE THREE!"

Typically, when I get the "cost" question, I respond by saying, "Well, ALL children are free of course. The lawyers, however, that IS a different story."

[JillnChris]

Oh yes, I think I posted this once before but it is so funny I will post it again.
One of my sisters when she found out we were adopting from Gautemala said "Oh, so she'll be Mexican?" Then when I was telling my other sister about this comment (who's husband is Mexican by the way) she says "Well they're both the same (meaning Mexico and Guatmela) they are both in Spain."
Wow, I got some good laughs out of that one.

[PaulaSmiles]

I am just started the process of adopting in Guatemala and have only told a few people.

The first question everyone wants to ask is if I have received a referral yet...

..but they don't understand the process or the language...

The nurse completing my lab work asked "Oh, great... did you pick one out yet?" and someone else asked "do you know which one you're getting yet?"

I knew what they meant and explained that I would receive a referral of a child once the paperwork was complete.

The way the questions were worded did catch me off guard for a second though...

[rlf0504]

Thanks so much Cody!! I saved your response to read when I'm feeling less tolerant. Not every situation is the same and should not be treated as such.

I totally disagree with adoptive parents "putting people in there place", or with the use of sarcasm in response to questions give. This does nothing except polarize people and cause the stereotypes that may have been developing in their minds to solidify. While there are some circumstances when people speak out of bigotry or hatred, the great majority of these comments come from good motives but a lack of understanding. The moments following those statements are critical in allowing others to have a glimpse into the blessing that is adoption. When we choose to rail them for being so "stupid", "idiotic", or "insensitive" we build a wall that may never be crossed again.

All the best,
Rhonda

[monalouise]

After reading these posts, I just have to say that some people really are idiots!!! Who would have the nerve to ask someone if their baby's skin is going to get any lighter? OMG! Are you ever going to get any smarter?

When we brought our son home from Russia at a little over the age of one, my mohter-in-law asked if he'll have an accent. What??? He can't even talk yet! And this is coming from a woman who raised four children. It makes you wonder about people's intentions.

[amylynn3]

I agree with many thoughts posted on this thread. Many people are genuinely curious and just don't know the appropriate way to ask things. Some people, are just rude about it. I think it is very important to keep in mind that the international adoption process is not common knowledge to people that have not adopted. I find it very hard sometimes to not take offense, but I think it is important. I often times take the opportunity to educate people about the precess.

On that note, the hardest comment I ever had to deal with was during our stay in PGN. We were in PGN for almost 5 months. i was talking to a friend of mine about how hard it was to wait knowing that my baby was in another part of the world. She proceeded to ask me if 'We could just get our money back'. I know she didn't mean any harm by it, she is just uneducated on how the whole process works. I was speechless and just responded with 'no', the fees are typically nonrefundable.

[BakerMom]

We are still waiting on pink, and have not encountered any of these questions yet. I hope that if I do I am as quick and witty as some of you!

[SisterBear]

Honestly, I try to give people a little grace for their comments. I vividly remember, 2 years ago, asking my SIL questions about her daughter's "real mom". I had no earthly idea that was negative and was genuinely interested in my new niece. Guess what? My SIL did NOT jump all over me with a rude comment. Instead, she answered, "Julie's biological mother...." I caught the reference and later apologized when I realized that "real mom" is hurtful. If my SIL had jumped all over me and been rude and hurtful and caused me to think negatively about adoption, perhaps I wouldn't be sitting here with my beautiful Guatemalan babe!

To answer the original question, we have gotten many really difficult questions, some that stunned me because of wording. But, more than anything, I would LOVE to see others adopt because they see my beautiful daughter and here our story. I will protect my daughter the best I can but I will not stoop to rudeness and sarcasm.

No offense meant to anyone who posted, I just feel a bit differently.

[SKL]

Some of my friends have this idea that there is a huge baby farm in Guatemala where they pay women ("breeders"!) to get pregnant over and over again for the adoption industry. I keep insisting that even the most anti-Guatemala-adoption lobbies are not alleging this, but they think I am just being naive. They don't seem to understand why I find this topic disgusting. Finally I told them to do their own research since I am done discussing this topic.

With respect to many of the comments mentioned here, I am less easily offended. As the first person in my extended family to pursue an adoption, I have likely been guilty of asking my share of uneducated questions and not using the best word choice. Adoption-ese is a learned language.

Recently, I've started to feel defensive about certain questions. I do want to protect my daughters from unintended hurt. So I try to educate the questioners in "adoption-ese" now, so their questions and comments will be more informed / sensitive when my girls are old enough to understand.

[keithandkristy]

I agree with TybeeMuffin and those who don't get upset with comments. I honestly think most people have good intentions and are just curious about the whole process (and most of the time they don't know the correct terms). We don't mind sharing how God has blessed us beyond belief!! After all, we could get defensive about almost anything if we allowed ourselves to react in that way. There are many times (mostly during our adoptions) we were criticized for our daughters being in orphanages and not foster care. I could have reacted poorly, but it really doesn't bother me. I am confident that God chose these precious little girls to be mine (and dh's, of course)!! What a gift!! It was no surprise to Him that these little girls would be OUR girls and that they would spend their first few months in an orphanage. By the way, our girls were very well taken care of and have attached to us with no problems (thus far!) So, usually, I just answer their questions and give God the glory! (JMHO!)

[RyannB]

Our bio daughter has ringlet-curly hair. My friend is always teasing me about it, because it's so hard to care for.

The other day, she saw a new picture of Maya, and of course, noticed her curls (which make her big sister VERY proud, "Maya has curls like ME!!!")

My friend's response was "Wow, you can't even get a straight-haired Mexican."

I just sighed and shook my head and told her "She's Guatemalan, and we love curls in our house."

[jeni1]

Talk about geographically-challenged and funny --- Someone was asking me questions about my daughters adoption and I said that she was born in Guatemala and they asked if I had to "go get her" and when I said "yes" the reply was "Wow, you had to fly all the way to Africa for her?" So now when someone asks I say she was "born in Central America, in Guatemala City" just in case the person asking is also a bit geographically-challenged!

[kadyn]

This was more like a comment (suppose to be a joke) "Oh, so your adopting a housekeeper?"

[mybabykaili]

We had been home a week and a stranger at the mall said, " So where did you get your kid?" I looked her square in the eye and said, " God gave her to us". She said "Well you know what I mean". I said "Yes, I understand perfectly and the answer is still the same. God gave her to us and we are so very blessed" I wished I had added - "its ashame He didnt give you brains!"