[jk22]

I know its different for each child but just wanting to hear how long it took if you went through this. Picked up 10 month old, only wants me, cries when I walk away. Just wondering what kind of time frame I am looking at before I get some breathing room
thanks

[mommytoEli]

eli was 10 months exactly when he came home. he was definitely sad for about a week. But he was also sick...so who knows. After about a week....it was like he had been here forever. he does DEFINITELY favor my dh, but that's okay b/c ds who is 3.5 is connected at my hip...so it works out for us <But he is OBVIOUSLY bonded to both of us>

How long has your little one been home??

[saranbr]

Seven months at P/U.

About 9 months before I could leave the room without screaming.

At least 10-11 mos before she could stay with her in home babysitter or my parents (live next door) without a screaming fit when I left the room.

At 20 mos-- loves Grandma and Grandpa, babysitter, anyone she really knows, but won't stay in the church nursery and is terrified of men (other than Daddy and G'pa)...we're still not real brave in these parts ...

[csw]

Took at least six months before she would really go to anyone else..even at age 3 I still can't go to the bathroom by myself..

To get housework etc..done..I would put her in the Ergo, Maya or backpack and she would sleep on my back or just hang out..as long as she was touching me she was ok and I could get some things done..

[DD Amasa]

I picked my son up at 10 months. I never really had that issue. But I made sure he was frequently around a variety of family and friends and pets from day one and introduced him to all sorts of new environments. I took him to parties as soon as I brought him home, the mall, had people over to see him and let everyone hold him. I think it makes a big difference in children being properly adjusted and socialized.

[Niclayson]

Just a FYI...separation anxiety and attachment issues are two different animals...and attachment issues have NOTHING to do with socializing your baby. It is the direct result of the number of placements your child experienced as well as personality and any other trauma your child may have sustained before entering your life. Adoptive parents who don't experience this are not "better" parents, just luckier ones!!! Attachment issues developed BEFORE they came to you...so do NOT blame yourself.

A child you has been adopted over the age of 6 months who cries frequently upon separation may be simply grieving or may have some attachment issues. Please read up about infant and toddler attachment issues here A4everFamily.org - HOME

My son has been home 9 months. He is still anxiously attached to me, still requires frequent holding, and becomes upset when separated from me. Most parents have told me that their kids issues resolved when they had been here as long as they had been in Guatemala. That is not the case for me...but for a very close friend who adopted at the same time as me...her daughter did adjust well during this time. It depends on the kid.

Feel free to contact me via PM if you need support or vent time! Hugs!

[lyssie]

Thank you for your post Niclayson, youmake a very good point!!! I have been reading a book about attachment in adoption. It has been a good eye opener. I think it has helped me look at the different types of attachment children make to adults. The beginning of the book talked about all of the possible troubles--(I admitt I had to skip to the back to read some of the solutions before I could handle hearing anymore about the problems)--It has been fascinating to me and so empowering to realize that there are ways to help children even after they have dealt with terrible things that no one should ever have to endure.

I have had to revalute some of my Bio children's attachments to me...They have never experienced true neglect but, I was unable to do many things for them while I recovered from back surgery. We had hired help in to the things I couldn't but, apparently it affected them. I have been consciously reinstituting a High-structure and High-Nurture home and have seen these little children respond with very postive changes! I hope everyone takes time to read and search info to help them parent especially during the transition.

Also, I did find a book about how to answer some of those off-the wall questions people ask about our internationally adopted children. It was great to get some pre-thought out answers for when those inevitable questions come!

[eniseday]

Picked up at 9 months. Was about 12 months old when he would let me put him down for 5 minutes without screaming. At 14 months I felt like he was pretty attached and would let other people hold him. He is 23 months now and we still have some very minor attachment issues.

[jenniem]

Lyssie, may I ask what book it is you mentioned?