[csw]

Hi

Ana has never been good about playing by herself..10 min is about her max before she is asking me "What I do now"...

We have done every parent/toddler class on earth, every single story time, she has Montessori 3 half days a week..M,T,W then we do Library time on Thursday and the park on Friday. In addition I homeschool her 2 hours a day. We are also members of the MOM's club and go to playgroups occasionally, parties etc. We have done HoneyBee's, TumbleBee's and every other Bee around..we have also done a session of swimming lessons.

She is up by 7:30 and goes all day with no nap till 9 or 10 pm..so it is a VERY long day for me.

Her sibling is 12 years older, so not a playmate. When it is nice out we go outside for walks on the local trail..4 miles total. I have her 'help' me with the housework..she goes around with the swifter and helps dust, she also helps me cook..in fact we have already done our Christmas cookies and she helped me roll a bunch of meatballs this morning for dinner tonight..

We do arts and crafts..in fact have already made homemade cinammon/applesauce ornaments, lot's of paper chains to hang around the house..

I try not to let her watch alot of TV..we limit to 1 educational DVD per day..

Is she trying to tell me she is ready for more of a full time all day type of situation?

We also go about every six months to the Aquarium, zoo, Science Center etc..but really can't go more than that d/t money constraints..

Other than sitting her in front of the TV, what on earth does a 3.5 year old girl with no siblings close to her age do! I am her only playmate for hours on end..getting a bit tired of singing itsy bitsy spider,,ya know..LOL..

She has imaginary friends now that she carries around the house..she has some friends from school but they always seem to be too busy to make play dates..

Any idea's?

[NJRach]

You are one good mom!! I am amazed at your energy and effort at keeping your little girl busy.

The only thing I can think of is to keep searching for playdates. If no one in the preschool can come over, try some neighborhood kids, maybe even a friend's kid. Offer to babysit siblings for someone for a few hours. Even if the friend is a boy, or a different age, or both, don't worry. Sometimes they get along better if they are a different age or sex.

And keep your eyes open for newcomers. We were the newbies in Virginia a few years ago, and I was thrilled when anyone asked my children over.

Good luck. I remember how my chatterbox three year old was - it was a cute but tough age.

Rachael

[Julaine]

I don't mean to be harsh ! But it sounds like your little one is too busy ! She needs to just have some play time when she can play and be creative and use her imagination and learn to entertain herself ! Start setting the time for 10- 15 minutes and tell her this is her free play and that she needs to play with her toys by herself until the timer goes off ! Increase the timer until she is able to play for periods of at least 30 minutes a day a lone with just her toys entertaining herself ! She needs to learn to just be a child and not have to be entertained all the time !

[stephjoel99]

I have a 3.5 year old son who is only in preschool 2 days a week (until 1:30) so I know what you're going through.

I don't know where you live and if it's super cold there right now (we live in Florida so it's still pretty warm) but I just let him play outside quite a bit - riding his bike or scooter - or I take him to the park where we can "make friends" with other kids. It's nice b/c I can sit on a bench while he plays - I've met some nice moms that way too. Sometimes adult conversation is hard to come by so it helps me out too!!

[TyAva]

I can understand. My 2 1/2 year old had to be entertained constantly - I boy did I get tired of playing all day long! I think that having her "help" you around the house is a great idea and one that I use also. My neighbor has 3 boys under 5 and her tip was to force the alone play. Get her started with something and then leave her to do it alone for say 5 or 10 minutes and then increase the time. Ty will now play by himself for short periods of time. But as much as I hate to admit it...TV is my only real down time! We do jr preschool 2 days a week and a jr gym time at the rec center a couple of days. That seems to help, but he still seems to be a "high need" kid. I think it is just some kid's personality. If we lived by you I would jump all over a playdate schedule!!! Good luck. You are such a great devoted mom I'm sure you will find the right solution for you little girl.

[spokanemom]

I agree with the timer method. I had to use this with one of my kids and it worked really well. We also used psoitive reinforcement after the timer went off to make the playing by self time even more motivating(Stickers, praise etc). We were able to increase our time from 2 min to 30 in one month. It was great. I would also ignore my son and redirect him to the toys if he tried to end the playtime too early.

[ncmom24]

My oldest daughter (now 12 yikes) was exactly like that and I agree that you sound like a really great, engaging mom. I always implemented a quiet hour where Cheyenne had to be in her room in her bed but did not have to sleep. She would play with toys in her bed or look at books but every day she had to have a "rest" and most importantly I had to have a rest.
I would certainly check out the preschool situation and if you find a great preschool you might want to consider that.
Cheyenne was very time intensive and still is but she has blossomed into an incredibly smart, out-going, popular girl and we are very close so believe me the time you put in is worth it in the end.

Good luck!

Tiersa

[Romans828]

Wow, you are very busy with her. I don't really think adding more to her schedule is the way to go. Isabel is 3 1/3 and most days she does not take a nap. I do have her take a "rest time" where she has to spend an hour in her room looking at books and listening to music. This gives us a nice little break from each other, and forces her to keep herself company which I think creates a sense of independence. She does have 3 older brothers but they are all in school all day long, so they can't entertain her during the day. She goes to preschool 2 mornings a week.

[csw]

Thanks..I will try the timer thing. I think it is hard when they are adopted and she came home at 9.5 months old..she had anxious attachment and I couldn't put her down or even turn my back to her for six months without her crying..

My son played ok by himself...with the same toy's over and over again..but my daughter is different. Thanks Julaine..but I think she does get enough down time. We just started the 3 half days this year..the library is only 1 or 2 hours max and the park is about 1-2 hours..I purposely don't schedule her for too many things because I don't want her to get burned out etc..
I think because we practice attachment parenting and I would hold her for 4-6 hours a day in the sling..again..because of her anxious attachment issues..that she is so used to being near me all the time..

I need to homeschool her and do these things to stimulate her brain because of what happened to her in Dec 2004 (vaccine overdose/neuro damage)..trying to get her brain to rewire itself..the experts seem to agree that doing this early is best for her rather than waiting..

Having and 2 kids but each was like an "only" is so hard..no other kids her age in the neighborhood but I will keep working on the kids from her school and the MOM's club! Thanks again..

[Anne1377]

Cathy,

Here is a great idea......let's get our virtual twins together REAL SOON!!!! They will have a fun time entertaining each other!

Diane

[Kate'sMom2B]

Hi Cathy!

Do you have Playdough stuff? Brielle and my nephew who is almost 5 just love it. (I admit, I didn't buy it for the longest time because it can be quite messy). Anyway, they have a bucket full of cookie cutters, rolling pins, etc and they love rolling it out, cutting shapes, etc. Also you can make playdough that is better than the store stuff, cheaper, and color it with food coloring.

I also wonder if you could trade babysitting with other parents? That way you get a break sometimes, and it's no money out of pocket.

Just some thoughts.

[csw]

Hi Diane and Dian..

Great idea's! I make homemade playdough and Ana does enjoy it (yes it is very messy)..she has trouble rolling it out and still wants me there the whole time!

Yes, we need to get our "twins" together soon Diane..
They played so cute together..

[coachmom]

I agree with the quiet time as I have Emily do that. You can Emily over anyytime..She will definitely give Ana a run for her money! Call me sometime!
Doretta