[chirokathleen]

Hey everyone,
We've only been home since 12/5 but the FM let us know that our son has been waking at 12:30, 2:30 and 5 ish for some time now. Sure enough, he's been doing this with us since the FM brought him to us on 11/30. She started fostering an infant in Oct. shortly after our visit trip and I think he's on that baby's feeding schedule. When we visited at 6 mos. old he was sleeping through the night.

He's been through so much, I'm not ready to let him cry it out yet but I need a plan. Any suggestions out there? I've been on adrenalin so I made it through a couple of days of work last week but I'm not sure I can pull it off much longer. He's nine mos. old, BTW.
Kathleen

[saranbr]

Is he taking solids? Sometimes, even if they are well fed, they will get into a "habit" (just ask the NICU families who bring home a baby that religously wakes on their three hour schedule!) even if they don't really need the food every three hours.

Personally, I'd give it a while longer since you've only been home a few days. The babies go through alot those first few days/weeks/months and you may start seeing some changes with a little time.

Are you already back at work?? I thought I had it bad after a month! I don't think I'd let him cry it out just yet...we actually did that early (about 2 mos home at the suggestion of our ped) with nap time and it worked, but don't think I'd do it so early with a nine month old.

While it is difficult, these little guys go through a lot when we snatch them away from "their" family. I have lots of issues with the TV time, etc that our FM gave our daughter, but she was still VERY attached and had a tough time transitioning to us. It took about six MONTHS in retrospect to see the real her (we brought her home at 7 mos).

Let me tell you-- I work a combo of 24 hr shifts and 12 hr nights and I have never been so tired as when I brought that not sleeping baby home that wanted to be held ALL the time so I know where you are, but, do give him a few more weeks. In a few months you will find out that you have a baby you haven't even met yet!

[lifessence]

first, sorry to hear his sleep was so affected by the new baby in the FM's home. that is tough!

i would not let a baby under 9 months cry it out - but he is old enough to begin to learn self soothing habits now. slowly as he transitions to being home.

how quickly you do it depends on your level of tolerance for the length of crying each time before you soothe him.

second, our DS is now almost one now. however, we went on pick up when he was 10 months old. i never did find out what his sleeping arrangements were in the FM's home.

i have to say that if he was getting up three times at a night at 9 months i would slowly begin to train him. i did sleep training with our son in Guatemala so it would be done before we came home. i am not good without sleep and he is not a newborn.

your DS's sleep issues are not because of fear or lack of love - it is because of a new baby in the room.

i don't agree that it is cruel and you are going to hear many different approaches here.

here is why it is not cruel - you are with him all day and night before bed teaching him you are there to trust you will care for his every need. you are building a bond, and showing him that you will not leave. his habit has NOTHING to do with trust. his sleep has been affected for a while now and it needs to be retrained.

sleep begets sleep - PERIOD!

learning to soothe themselves is an important growth step at this age.

at night - you know he is NOT hungry, and there will be sometimes he is really wet and needs to be changed. so change him - say nothing, keep room as dark as you can to manage the change and then put him back in his bed so he knows it is not time to play.

this is where the how long will you let him cry part comes into play as well. our DS cries at all times he goes to sleep not because he is sad or not tired - but he talks himself to sleep after i have rocked him for almost a half hour at each nap and night time. it is how he gets the last bit of energy out.

your DS is old enough for you to know the difference between - i'm mad, sad or in pain cries. trust me he is NOT too young to learn how to use these cries to train you to come in to get him. i thought that was impossible until many friends with children before me shared this bit of information with me. they learn this early and most FM's spoil the children rotten...it is good when they are very young since they need to attach. so it each of our decisions to figure out what works best for us.

i know it must be really tough to work with patients on such little sleep. i pray this gets resolved quickly and you can find a way to sleep during the day until it is. i can tell you that i had all sleep issues fixed in one week with all of our children - even our DD that is almost 5 that we are adopting as well - she is not home yet.

our DS that is about to turn 3 who just came home - we taught him how to nap and sleep through the night on our last visit as well. the FM thanked us for teaching him to nap! now he is home for two days and napped for two hours each day and sleeping almost 11.5 hours. so there is hope!!!

[chirokathleen]

Saranbr and Lifessence,
Thank you both! It's rough having to go right back to work. I own my own practice (chiropractic) so I really couldn't take time off. My husband has more time but I don't think switching off and having one person totally wiped out is the answer. (I'm on the weekend shift currently.)

Luckily the holidays are coming and we're keeping them simple this year so we can stay home and recoup. Lifeessence, thanks for calling it "training". That's a good way to think of it! For starters I'll come up with a simple before bed-time routine that he can get used to. I will gradually stop any bottles in the crib, (FM propped them up a lot for him.) I might try a pacifier to help him self-sooth. (Although this might cause more probs down the road?) I'm going to hold out for 5 min tonight (last night he was up 4 times and I'm wrecked!) and then I'll try to soothe him without the bottle and see if he'll fall asleep. I'll see how that goes and then increase time slowly. Better to pay a price now if he'll have better sleep habits down the road!

I'm also going to start putting him in the crib before he falls asleep so he's used to being awake in his crib and then falling asleep. Thank you again! I'll let you know how it goes!
Kathleen

[magsck1]

I wrote the board about a month ago asking for sleep problem help... I would have to say that taking away the bottle at night was a huge help to us. I read a book that said that children need to soothe theirself to sleep without anything that won't be there when they wake up in the middle of the night. Also, We have created a routine for every night before bedtime. My son instantly took to this routine, and he knows how it works every night now. We have had sleep problems for a year and half and finally with no bottle and a routine, we are sleeping through the night!! Good luck with whatever you do.... I know how no sleep feels...

take care,
Magen

[TwoBoystoLove]

One problem we had to deal with was the family bed. Our son slept with the FM. When we brought him home, we put him in a crib. I'm not against the family bed, I have insomnia and my DR said no way! Our son hated the crib. We didn't know that was the reason for waking 3-4 times each night until we moved him to his toddler bed and he slept through the first night. I didn't sleep through that first night, because I kept getting up to check on him!

[maak]

I agree with the other posts. Too early (and maybe it will never be appropriate) for crying it out.
Make sure he is in a comfortable environment-my dd was sleeping in our room and we were just too noisy at night (??snoring) and she did better when we moved her to her own room-every baby is different thought. MY dd does much better if she is in Huggies night time diapers and warm pj with feet.
She also had alot of bottle propping in the middle of the night by the FM so she ate twice a night at first and only slept 8 to 9 hours at night.
Once she gained weight (is he underweight?) and we fed her an egg yolk or meat dish at the evening meal she steadily increased now up to sleeping 10 to 11 hours!!! Hooray!
I am so sorry you had to go back so soon because I was sooooo tired/frustrated the first month and I could take naps when she napped.

[arthymom]

Our BIO son had sleep issues too, so the transition to you may be only part of it. Lots of bio kids have trouble learning to sleep through the night.

I agree with figuring out a routine, making sure he is ful, comfy, etc...

At around 6 months I think (young by some opinions), we let our son cry it out after we couldn't figure out how else to get him to sleep. But we went in to check on him every 5 minutes, then 10. We never let him wait more than 10. One night, he cried for an hour. After about 2 weeks of agony and our figuring out a good feeding schedule where he was really full and happy at night, he slept through the night.

He is now a perfectly confident almost 4 year old who goes to bed easily each night after we read a story and rub his back for 5 minutes.

Good luck with whatever you decide. It is rough and you aren't alone. As I said, a lot of kids don't "sleep through the night" easily, and it takes intervention of some sort. You just need to experiment with different ways that feel COMFORTABLE to you.