[maak]

We just got a call from our agency and our 11mo DD birth/1st mother is due to deliver another baby next month!!! They want to know if we want to adopt this baby. We have very mixed feelings and it is not in our plans financially and energy wise but as we are older with small extended family and have no other children we feel it might be good for her to have at least a sibling??
Have others had similar experiences? What do you think???

[dac_cincy]

Question to ask your agency: if you do not accept the referral, will your agency give the referral to another family in your area so the children will grow up knowing each other?

I can't answer your question as to what to do, but I will pray for you that you and your family make the right decision for your family and that you are at peace with your decision.

[Larue]

WOW!! I sometimes wonder about this, and if we'll get one of these calls someday. I think ultimately you have to do what's best for your family.

As for us, Sabrina will be our first child, and we're also on the more "mature" side We have talked about having at least one more. So I think we'd dive in feet first and take the referral.

I wish you all the best with your decision

[carlyincali]

I have two girls that are two years apart from eachother. They are best friends. They are inseperable and will not do anything with out the other.

We had our son 2 years ago, and then I had a hysterectomy. We are adopting so that our son will have a sibling close-in-age like our girls have eachother.

When I met my husband, I already had a 5yr old son, my oldest. Ever since he could talk, he begged me for a brother or sister. But I could not give him one; I was a single parent. By the time my husband and I had our daughter, he was already 7.

I was raised as an only child. (I do have siblings. They are 8 & 11 years older than me.) My husband has a brother 2 yrs younger than him. He is very close to his brother.

HTH,
Carla

[jennynabee]

What an amazing opportunity! My son will be 5 in Feb and I always pictured my children 3 years apart! For me, I would jump at the chance and of course, worry about the rest later! That is just me and like Larue--I am on the mature side! However, I am a single mom and would love to be so lucky to get a call like that!

[Qtredsunfire98]

We had this happen in August & we financial can not pull it off. I still get very sad and the fact that we could not bring home our sons, brother. We hope that the family adopting him will want to be in contact. Our agency told us that they told the family about us but can not be in contact until the adoption is final. Good Luck! I know what you are going through.

[mildredjohn]

We started another adoption journey because our DD birtmother gave birth a baby boy the same day of our DD birthday! a year later, this year. Financially and emotionally we were not ready but just to think that we could to our daughter the gift to share her life with a sibling is priceless. So we accepted the referral, look for the money and ran making all the paperwork!

Our kiddos share the same birthday, the same birthmother and the same adoptive parents! us!!!!!

Pray and ask God if that is his plan for your family. He will answer to you and everything will come together.

[NJRach]

Go for it!! A sibling is priceless.

I love Suze Orman's TV show. She's a financial planner. Even she says "People first, then money, then things."

So go get that sibling.

Rachael

[KayV]

I'm going to go against the majority opinion here, I guess. We were also offered this opportunity, but we just couldn't handle it financially, and whether people say it's important or not, that part of it is VERY important. If it's going to stress your current family so much to go for another adoption, don't feel bad. Try to find out where the baby is adopted so you can get in contact with the other family. Even though it is a wonderful opportunity for you if you're looking to adopt again, if you're not--do not feel an obligation because this baby is a sibling to your child. You also have an obligation to the child you HAVE adopted, and if it's not in the cards for you to adopt again, then try not to get too worked up about it.

KayV

[debenken]

Hello -
I was so excited when I read your post! This was our situation too - except that our boys are 10 months apart! Before we had even finalized our first son's adoption, we found out that our birthmom was pregnant again. It was an easy decision for us - we knew we wanted two children - and since we are a little more mature too, we knew we didn't want to wait too long between children. Our boys are complete bio sibs - both birth parents are the same. For us, it has been the most beautiful journey! But, I will admit, we had saved previously, so we were prepared financially for 2 adoptions.

Listen to your heart - somtimes God speaks ever so softly, but if you listen, you will hear Him!

Good luck in your decision - and feel free to PM if you have any specific questions!

Take care-
Debbie

[RamaMama]

....we found out that our 9 month old DD's bmom is 7 months pg with her fourth in less than three years. She has had a baby every 11 months since she was 19. We always said that we would adopt a sibling but we definitely can't afford it right now, especially since I lived in GC for four months.

It breaks my heart to know that I can't adopt the baby but I also want to enjoy my daughter. My hubby and I always said that we wanted to enjoy Gia for at least two years before we adopt again. It is just too soon for us.

There is more to the story, if you want the details you can PM me.

Holly

[doghouse]

IMHO it is horrible for a family to be put in such a situation as to possibily having to reject such a proposal.

So your adopted child has a biological sibling. Please correct me if I am wrong but isn't the real benefit of having a biological sibling is having an organ or bone marrow match in case of grave illness? Other that that, I can not come up with a real reason to adopt this child when it may not be the right time for your family. When the time is right for your family, you can adopt another child.

The true love of family comes from sharing time together and not the genetics. I would also try not to feel pressured into starting a relationship with this biological sibling in the future.

The best gift you can give your child is a healthy marriage between you and your husband. Please don't stress your purse and adopt when it isn't the right time.

[Waiting4OURBOY]

We had been home with our son maybe a few weeks when we got the call that his birthmom was due in just a few months. He was only 6 and 1/2 months old when we got home. We felt it was not best and decided not to accept the referral if it came available. It ended up that she didn't even give the baby up. That was just our personal experience. I know many families that it has worked out wonderfully to accept the referral. You just have to do what is right for you and your family. You know what that is and no one else can put their experience on you.

[doghouse]

More thoughts.....However, I would like the opportunity to be able to support the birthmother's choice to keep her baby. I would like to be able to financially help her to keep a subsequent child or the sibling she has kept (in our situation). The US dollar goes so much further in Guatemala. I would like to see that the sibling recieved medical care, food, and a private education (very inexpensive in Guatemala).

[devildogwife]

If we could swing it, I think we would. However, it would be a struggle for me personally if I knew we were going into debt over it. It would really just take a lot of prayer and consideration.