[chirokathleen]

Hi Everyone!
As we are waiting for pink, letting the B-mom know that we are interested in future contact is on my mind quite a bit. Do you trust that if we let our attorney's know that we would like to do this that they will let the B-mom know of our interest and perhaps give them a letter from us? I've heard that sometimes we're just told that the B-mom is not interested and they may tell her the same thing from us. I think they feel it's best to not go there. I certainly understand not doing it until everything is absolutely final.

I feel strongly that I owe it to my son to try to attempt to contact should he want to meet or write her some day. Any advice on how to go about this? I've heard that you can hire someone in GUA to do this later, is this the best way? (I met an American woman living in Antigua who says she does this for adoptive parents.)
Thanks for feedback!
Kathleen

[p2tufa]

I have been thinking the exact same thing the last few weeks. I'm curious to see what advice/experience folks on the forum have.

Thanks.

[gwenrenee007]

I can say that our agency says that on our visit trip we can ask to meet the birth mother once our case has exited PGN. They told us (and we met some who have met the birth mother) that they have had mixed responses from the birth mothers some saying yes and some saying no. I figure it can't hurt to ask, and we feel the way you do. Our child will someday want to know their birth mother so we would like to start the contact as soon as possible. We were also told that if the birth mother says no to the meeting and contact in the future we can send pictures and updates to the attorney and he/she will send them to the birth mother.

As far as hiring someone else I don't know.
Good luck.

[DPline]

Please be very, very careful in doing this and only work though a trusted searcher, if not through your attorney. Sometimes family and friends do not know she has placed a child for adoption and there can be serious repercussions if it is found out.

There is a yahoo group about this you might check out.

GuatemalaBirthfamilies : Guatemala Birthfamilies

[MiHijo]

we are doing this, there is also a yahoo group about this called Guatemalan Birthfamilies. We just sent off our letter to her. It's important to be discreet with the birthmother.

Our attorney wasn't too thrilled when we brought it up to him but he understands.

[chirokathleen]

Thanks for the great replys--I had read about being careful with contact due to privacy issues etc--thanks for the reminder! I'll check out the yahoo group!
Kathleen

[GuatMommy2Be]

I pray for my daughters bmother everyday. I can't imagine the heartache she must be feeling and I did ask my facilitator how she was coping. She stated to me she prefers us not to meet... I respect her judgement so I think, maybe someday... If my agency will allow it, we will send updates to the facilitator for the bmother. It is a touchy situation that I don't know much about so I am trusting my facilitator and agency on this one... and their reccomendations.

[ej-momtobe]

I wish I was able to contact the birthmom. On our last visit trip we told the facilitator to see if the bmom wanted to meet us, that we would like to meet her. I think that the best way to establish contact is to actually meet her. We also told our agency, but I don't think they did anything with our request.

On our pickup trip our facilitator told us that the bmom did not call to arranges logistics a few days before as she was supposed to, so a friend showed up instead. My guess is that she had second thoughts about meeting us. At least we were able to talk to someone who knew her and knew a little about the bio dad. We have the friend's contact info who has agreed to forward pictures to the bmom...whether it will actually get forwarded, we will probablly never know.

[Mariais5]

We requested to meet Bryce's birthmom but were told that the attorney didn't approve.. We've asked to meet Sofia's too.. So far, we've not heard anything, but she does have a different attorney, so we'll see..

This is very difficult for us because we have four domestically adopted children with open or semi-open adoptions... I don't want Bryce and Sofia to resent not having a birth family connection.. We are trying to keep up with the FMs..

[Quesita]

I very much hope that the b-mom is interested in maintaining contact. My agency has said that I should bring this to the attention of the lawyer, and that I should write a letter to the b-mom at the time of referral. I guess the lawyer, or maybe the social worker, will share the letter with her. After that, it will be her choice.

I know that maintaining contact may be difficult. Many rural women are not literate, and they are often forced to move around searching for work. Some Mayan women do not speak much Spanish. Furthermore, some young women may marry in the future, and not want to tell their husbands that they had a child before being married.

I do plan to visit Guatemala every few years, even if the b-mom does not want contact. But I know it would make all of our lives so much richer if we could continue to communicate and share our lives.

[staceyinal]

We actually met our birthmother on our visit trip. Alisabeth was only 1 month old. We took pictures of all of us together and I have those pictures on my mirror in my bedroom so that when I wake up or go to bed, I see the pictures and keep her in my thoughts and prayers. I guess this young birthmom was very nervous about meeting us, but after meeting us she said she could finally sleep at night. Amazing!

When we met, she asked if we would send pictures. I could tell this was important to her. After getting to know this wonderful young lady, I felt that this was the least I could do. Before I met her, I wasn't sure, but after I met her it changed everything.

She even gave us a letter to the baby that I will keep for her until she grows up. It is precious. I was even fortunate enough to get a picture of one of our baby's birth sisters holding her when she was an infant.

If I ever want to send her a letter or pictures, I could do so through our agency and they would see to it that it got to our birthmom. That means so much to us! Meeting our birthmom changed everything for me, and I think its an important factor one should consider when choosing an agency.

[RyannB]

We have been told that we can meet the bmom if she agrees. We asked about further contact, and they said they didn't recommend it, but if that's what we both wanted, they could work it out.

We hope to meet her at p/u.

[WVUMom418]

We were also lucky enough to meet Mia's birthmother during our pickup trip. It is wonderful to not only have pictures to share with Mia when she gets older but also to be able to tell her first hand what her mother wanted her to know. We have pictures of her birthmother, grandmother and older brother.

This was all arranged through the hogar director not an attorney. I told her that we would send pictures and as a matter of fact just sent a letter and pictures to the hogar where she will be able to pick them up.

Another great part of meeting the birthmother was that we realized the information in the social workers report that was in our final adoption paperwork was lacking so much information. The report didn't even mention the birthfather, so we were able to get information on him as well.

One word of caution though, I think we all fantisize about the birthmother being a loving women who is giving her child up for a better life. We were told by the hogar director that some women are like this but there are just as many who show little if any emotions for the child when they relinquish them. There are some who obviously would try to take advantage of the situation if possible. The director told us she wouldn't have allowed us to meet the birthmother if she hadn't really liked her and felt it would be good for her to meet us.

Good luck!