[Seraphic Queen]

Who has asked to and been able to be in contact with the foster mother and/or meet the birthmother.

If so, how much contact have you had and how did this evolve?

I am learning more and more of AP's who have had foster mother contact, and/or met the birthmother and have even have open adoptions.

Does contact depend on the agency, the attorney, the mothers or all or what?

Is contact something PAP's should expect in Guatemalan adoptions.

Thanks.

[Hopingsoon]

Forgive my ignorance, but what is an AP and a PAP?

[DPline]

AP - adoptive parent

PAP - potential adoptive parent

I would say it definetly depends on the attorney, agency, and birthmother. Some agencies/attorneys encourage it. Others forbid it.

We did not meet either of our children's birthmothers. In hindsight, I wish I would have asked if it was possible, or if the attorney would ask her if she would like pictures or updates through the attorny.

We have maintained contact with my children's foster families. We send pictures and letters a few times a year and I have sent baskets through a service for holidays. Our attorneys and agency didn't say anything either way about contact, but we really wanted to, so I got their addresses and phone number at pickup.

[GuatMommy2Be]

I don't think anyone should go into a Guat adoption expecting to have contact with a Bmother or Foster family. If our child wants to meet her bmother when she is older, we will try our very best to do so.. At this time we are not in contact with our daughters foster family.. and I am unsure if we will be in contact even after the adoption.

[jeannecr]

I think a lot of people stay in contact with the foster families--esp. if they've visited and developed a relationship. Very few meet the birthmoms, though it may be possible at some point, since you will have her name.

[gravesl]

I went down to Guat to foster for the last 2+ months. After we were out of PGN I was able to meet Bellas mom. Since coming home I have had several phone calls and letters back and forth with her. I think it is great for my daughter that I have been able to have this contact. It was facilitated through my attorney.

[Hopingsoon]

Thanks Debbie!

For some reason the attorney we are working with discourages relationships with the foster family, which is weird because our agency has not problems with it. I'm disappointed that we won't have more contact with the foster family, especially because I can tell how much my foster mom loves my son.

[DPline]

I know some agencies do discourage it and or forbid it because problems can arise. Foster family asking for money is a common one. It was a chance we were willing to take.

My daughter was with her foster family for 11 months and my son for 20 months. I know how much both families appreciate the updates and pictures, and that contact may be important to my kids someday. I don't know, but I like having it there for them as well. I really hope we are able to go back and visit both of them when my kids are older.

Personally, I think if at pickup you decide you would like to continue contact that is up to you, and the attorney really hasn't any say at that point.

[Seraphic Queen]

bumping up

[ej-momtobe]

During the course of our adoption, our agency forbid us to have direct contact with the foster family, with the exception of meeting them on visit trips. We had 3 visit trip and a pickup, and we took the foster family out to dinner or lunch each time to get to know them better. Now that the adoption is complete, we asked the foster family for contact info, and will be able to stay in touch.

We asked the facilitator if she could arrange a meeting with the bmom...and she was not able to arrange that. Not sure if the bmom just did not want to meet us, or what. Our agency was confused as to why we would even want to meet the bmom...they had never heard of that before. We had asked the facilitator directly when we were on a visit trip.

[WVUMom418]

I posted this earlier in another thread, we were lucky enough to meet our daughters birthmother on our pickup trip. Our daughter was in a hogar not foster care so our situation was a little different.

On our first visit trip the hogar director asked us if we might be interested in meeting the birthmother at some point. She made it clear that this wasn't something she offered often but really liked this birthmother and thought it would help ease her mind to meet us. I was all for it, my husband was rather hesitant. We found out during our second visit that the hogar had allowed the birthmother to visit so we knew this decision was hard for her.

When we found out that we had received our GCBC I asked my agency to remind the hogar director about the possibility of visiting (I didn't tell my husband because I knew he would stress over it). We were notified before our pickup that we would be meeting her at the hogar. It was the most wonderful experience, we met alone for aobut 30 minutes and then Mia was brought in and we were able to take pictures and she was able to say her goodbyes. I now have wonderful pictures of Mia with her birthmother, grandmother and brother and all of us together. I also have her mothers words to tell her when she's old enough.

I send pictures down to the hogar on a regular basis and the hogar director gets them to the birthmother.

As I stated in my previous post please remember, we all have a fantasy about our childs birthmother being this wonderully loving person who is making such a sacrafice for their child. As the hogar director told me in many cases the adoptive parents wouldn't want to know what the real birthmother is like. Many are calious from living a tough life and show little or no affection for the child they are giving up. Often times it's better for us to keep the fantasy of what the birthmother was like than to see the true reality, how would we explain that to our child when they got older.

[pvanabel]

We have communication via e-mail, letters, and packages with our daughter's foster family. Our agency didn't give us her information, she gave it to us at the time of pick up. It has been wonderful since they were her family for the first 6 months.

[arthymom]

I love communicating with our dd's foster family! They are wonderful. I recommend it if you can (by your agency's rules.)

She even said I can call whenever for an update.

Of course there are people out there looking to abuse relationships, but I would not say that applies to most foster parents that I have heard of.