[ncurry3]

I'm so frustrated with having to explain the adoption process over and over and over to my husband's family. I emailed them yesterday that our paperwork is on it's way back from the Consulate and we could have a referral by Christmas. DH's aunt emailed me right back and exclaimed, "Wow! That is quick! I can't wait to hold your baby at Christmas time!" I have explained the situation to her I don't know how many times AT HER REQUEST!!!! I know some people just don't care about the process or how it works and that's fine, I don't go into detail about it. But when some people ask me, and appear to listen to my answer, then yes, I expect them to know WE DON'T GET OUR BABY RIGHT AWAY!!!!!! My goodness, I've explained to her that I plan on fostering at least part of the time, and she thinks we'll have a baby home by Christmas????? I'VE HAD IT WITH STUPID PEOPLE!!!! And I know it's just starting.........

[CEB]

Vent away - we all know how you feel.

My parents have been super supportive of the whole process but I cannot tell you how many times I have had to bite my lip to not yell at them when they consistently express ABSOLUTE SHOCK AND DISAPPOINTMENT at how long it will be before DS is home. When we received the referral in June we explicitly said "if things go well, he might be home in January but more likely Feb/March". Why do they find it so shocking that he is not home yet - when I look at the calendar November comes long before January? Now, things did not go all that well, we have had lots of DNA delays, so now we are thinking March is earliest. At least 4 more months of having to explain it over and over and over and over........

We all know they love us and want the best for us, I guess its just impossible to understand when you are not going through the process yourself.

[dspakowsky]

Trust me, you're not alone. Just imagine how difficult it is if the adoption takes longer than planned... everyone asks, but no one listens. Very frustrating.

I hope they'll open their ears and make your life a little easier.

[GuatMommy2Be]

I'm so sorry to hear about your frustrations. This is a very stressful process and then to have unnecessary stress added on, just stinks. Just remember - no one really understands this process like us, our agencies, our attorneys and/or facilitators. Maybe you could write a letter and explain each step of the process for them, and explain that it is very stressful for you to have to re-explain..

[amcb]

I can't really speak from too much experience, since we've only had our referral for 3 weeks. One suggestion I would make (which seems to be working so far) for immediate family is to print out the flow chart that someone on the board created and send it to your family. Then everytime you get through another step in the process, let them know that they can cross that step off. I suggested using a big red marker or bright yellow highlighter. (I think getting to cross something off the list makes them feel more involved in the process) So far it's worked pretty well with my parents and my in-laws.

AM

[tallsuse]

Hey There,

I'm sorry about your frustration too! It's funny, I've been going through a similar one...I get questions or give updates and people may respond like your aunt did. But on the other hand, when they hear it will be a while, they forget about it...like they don't care. I mean, I know they do, but I guess I'm having to get used to the idea, that most people only really "care" so to speak about the arrival day. They can't really appreciate all the steps/milestones we have to go through. And I guess I can understand.... I had no clue until we started this process.

Here's hoping you DO get that wonderful referral before Christmas...no matter who understands what that means!! ;-)

TallSuse
07/27/06 - Application submitted to Agency
08/31/06 - Home Study completed
09/01/06 - USCIS Fingerprints done
09/21/06 - Home Study sent to USCIS
11/15/06 - All dossier docs certified except 1! doh!

[Quesita]

Yeah, everyone at work keeps asking when my baby is coming home, and I don't even have a referral yet.

But one friend did pay attention. She read that miserable NY Times article and said it sounded like you hop on a plane, fly down to Guatemala, and come back with a baby in less than a week. She said "that sounds nothing like the process you described!"

At least someone was paying attention.

[kimy]

It took me a long time to figure out that they just won't understand because they can't .. Doesn't matter how many times you explain it they just won't get it.
No one gets not unless they are going through it too.
Try not to let it bother you,
Kim

[going-to-guat]

People don't remember what the adoption lingo means. I've had to explain and explain and explain the SAME thing I don't know how many times.

Tell them it will take 2 years to bring your baby home and then when your baby is home before then, they'll think it happened fast!

Seriously, I'm sure they mean well - they are taking an interest at least, right????

Hang in there. This won't be the last time, unfortunately....