[Natalie1125]

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I just feel like I may never become a mom. My husband and I have been trying to start a family for three very long years and I am just flat out tired and frustrated. I feel like everyone else is able to become a mom so much more easily that I wonder if I am not meant to be a mom. I am 31 years old but I feel like I am 70 - I am just so drained of energy. I have removed myself from almost every social situation for the last six months. How do long-timers do it? Is it slightly easier when you have child at home because you are too busy to be as depressed as I am? I apologize for all the whining - it is just that finishing up my 18th week in PGN is really taking its toll on me - I feel absoultely hopeless. Thank you for letting me vent.

[Oceanmom23]

I feel the same way. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers~~hopefully you'll hear some good news soon. I'm going to drown my sorrows with some ice-cream~~probably not the best thing to do, but that's all I got!

[Waiting4Alexa]

I know how you feel. I have waited 12 years for this baby and sometimes I just think that she is never coming home. I accepted her referral at 3 weeks and she is 9 months old today.

[maak]

I too felt that way...I felt like I was jinxed never to be a mother and it would never work...I even thought that the whole Guatemala program would break before we got Nathalia home. It WILL WORK... But Pgn is so tough as there seems to be no sure end. But there will be.
Hang in there... we brought our DD home exactly 3 weeks ago and it is the greatest experience ( except she gave me her cough and despite being 10 months old, she awakes up 1 to 3 times a night!).
She is more than we dreamed of....
I hope you GET OUT SOOOOOON.

[lmitchem]

I too can relate.I'm 38 and have never been a mom(until now!). We've "only" been in PGN for almost 8 weeks. Can't wait to get her home and can only hold onto my faith (and know I can count on all of you) to get me through. Hang in there...we will make it!! You aren't alone!!


Lisa

[drjeanne]

Well, I don't have another child at home to ease my mind so, yes, I'm feeling like a very drained 71 year old woman too! Hopefully we'll all hear something very soon! My baby's first birthday is LOOMING ahead of me next week on Thursday! I took her referral when she was 2 weeks old and am now watching her grow up through pictures, videos and 2 visit trips! Please please PLEASE! I WANT MY BABY!!!!!!!

Jeanne

[daynesmom]

Natalie,
I feel the same way. I am also 31 years old and dh and I have been trying for 4 1/2 very long years! After 2 failed invitro, and 1 that resulted in a stillborn, it seems hopeless at times. But you have to remember that that child is yours and waiting to come home to you to be loved and to love you back. It doesn't matter how the children enter your life, the end result is the same. This is what I keep telling myself when I feel like I can't go on and want to give up.
I hope some of my words help you. Just take one day at a time and don't lose faith.

[LJR1974]

Oh, Natalie. I feel the very same way. It's been since June 04 for us. You can see in my sig what horrible things we've been thru (3 losses, 1 @ 23w!). I feel cursed.

I'll be 32 in a couple weeks. 32 and childless. I never thought it would be this way!

I feel certain this adoption will fall thru... b/c of the Hague, or a problem during the process, or who knows. Sometimes I wonder why I even bothered.

[knarfmo]

Originally Posted by Natalie1125

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I just feel like I may never become a mom. My husband and I have been trying to start a family for three very long years and I am just flat out tired and frustrated. I apologize for all the whining - it is just that finishing up my 18th week in PGN is really taking its toll on me - I feel absoultely hopeless.

I don't think you realize that you are a mom. Yes, usually being a mom means that you gave birth and breastfeed and change diapers, etc., but you have to remember that being a mom is much bigger than that. It means giving your child a loving and nuturing family where he or she can grow up self assured, happy and able to contribute to this world. Adoption - and PGN - is probably the only shot that your kid has at being able to have parents who can do this, and your waiting is all that you can do right now to be this kid's mom.

I know it's tough having to be separated from your kid - oh believe me I know - and I hope you can bring your baby home soon. But adoption is such a difficult, trying and rewarding process I don't think that people realize how much of a true test of parenthood it is - and it happens right at the beginning of you parenting journey. Your kid is counting on you and you are hanging in there. Most moms that you envy have never had to be in a situation where they had to be this dedicated to their children.

You are being a great mom.

Sorry to ramble on, but when I see posts like this it gets to me because I see people who are really being great parents and aren't giving themselves credit for it. But I do know what you are getting at: you miss your kid. Even if you haven't met him or her yet (like me), you love your kid and miss him.

[pjeanmm]

Hang in there because it will happen. My husband and I tried for 8 very long years to have another child. I know what you feel like. It is very hard, but don't give up. Your child is waiting for you and it will happen. I felt like everyone around me was having children, even 2 or 3 and we were still just trying to get pregnant. It hurts. Hold your head high because your turn is coming!!!

[Mom2to]

I am sorry for your pain and completely understand your post. Trying to have a child, trying to become a parent, and having it be "out of my control" is one of the hardest things that I have ever gone through. I hope someday to be able to look back on this with our "happy ending" in my arms but for now it is just getting by day to day and hoping that every day brings us one day closer to our child.

Hang in there. It will happen for you.

[kare4you]

I actually posted this same thing today!!! We got kicked out on Monday and my 30th b-day was yesterday. I commented I felt old and childless. I don't think the b-day matters as much as the K/O. I work in a surgery center with out 30 employees and 3 have had babies in the last 6 months and two are due in the next 4 months. It is a constant reminder that mine is not home.
I have been through IUI's, miscarriage, IVF, and laparoscopy, etc. in the past four years. My body has felt so abused, but nothing can top the mental abuse of seeing pictures and having visited, but having to wait for someone to tell me I can bring my son home and not being able to do anything to speed up the process.
I have been planting bulbs like a maniac. Spoiling my dogs rotten. Cross-stitching and scrapbooking until they are tired of me at Michael's and the one thing that I have figured out is that once he gets home I will be so happy that my misery will be forgotten.
Karen

[PRINCESS1976]

I am sorry for your pain -- I hope your baby comes home soon and it all will melt away !!!!!!!!

[alreadylove2005]

I am so sorry for the pain that you and so many of us have gone through. I was 49 years old when Maya came home....a little more than a month shy of 50.

When people who had their children home would post, I would think, "sure easy for you to say, your baby is home". So, I know this is coming from a completely different place than where you are, but hang on, please. It is SO worth it.

I went through such a roller coaster ride and would do it again - once your child is in your arms, you'll forget most of the pain and what you do remember will just remind you of how hard you fought for the privilege of loving your amazing, unbelievably wonderful child.

Hang on, do what you need to do to get through this horrid process. It is SO worth all the heartache. The joy and love that your child brings you will far outshine the hard road to get there.

Again, I'm so sorry for your pain and know that it IS valid - this is not easy, but the reward is just as great as the suffering to get there.

[Saya]

I know how you feel. I'm 37, and had multiple IUIs and two failed IVFs before coming to adoption. I really don't think anyone can understand the emotional pain of infertility who hasn't experienced it. And no one told us adoption would be just as emotionally hard, did they? The one on top of the other is just really hard to take. Hang in there sweetie, and take to heart the wise words of Knarfmo above. You ARE a mom. A great mom.