[jennynabee]

I agree--you are a great mom! I was 35 when I adopted my son. I always knew I would adopt my children, but I did NOT know how emotionally painful it would be. I took 2 years for me to match with my son's birthmother. In the 1.5 years prior to the match I had 8 friends have 8 babies in 8 months. Friends that did not even want children when I started were now mothers. I ended up leaving the last baby shower early because I could not stop crying. I had the nursery set up and I sat many an evening in the rocker just sobbing. I was emotionally fried and mentally drained. I could not stabilize my moods. I was angry all the time. Then I matched with my son's birthmother and everything was smooth and my son was born! And honestly, every tear and sorrowful moment was worth it and I would do it a 1000 gazillion times over. This is my second adoption. I think the days go by faster because I am busy with my son, but I still feel the same way you do. My chest was so heavy today with anxiety I thought I was near a heart attack! Honestly, I just want her! I feel like she is right thereand I can't get to her. I wonder if I will ever get back in PGN, let alone out! When I was kicked out I cried for 5 days and now I am still in a funk. I don't think anyone that hasn't adopted can understand the feelings one has. I just want to tell you, I feel the pain you are feeling. Believe me--when your baby comes home--these feelings of frustration, pain, anger will be but a distant memory. Of course, I know that doesn't help now, but perhaps knowing we are all in the same boat-- and boy is it full --will make you feel a smidge better. Here is a hug.

[ksunstar]

Yep, I'm there too. I'm 31. My husband and I have been married for 7 years and we knew from about year 2 that we wanted to adopt. DH is in a wheelchair and we always knew that having kids would be impossible so we didn't even try to do that.
We've been dreaming of adopting for 5 years and when we switched to Guatemala, it felt like a miscarriage because we lost our China baby. Now I can't imagine any baby besides the little girl waiting for us in Guatamala.
I too know that I am a mom but it's hard to feel like one yet.
We are doing everything we can so we can visit so I can maybe just feel like a mom for a few days.

Hang in there. There are lots of us first timers out here!

Kristina