[TheresaB]

Have any of you adopted with other children at home, and changed the birth order at all? Our youngest is 2 (as of September) and I wondered if since he is that age, as well as the only boy, if we should look for a child younger than Ryan is? What if they were about the same age??

[mommytoEli]

birth order is a toucy subject, but i think you should keep the birth order in tact as much as possible. i think if you want your kids to be about the same age, the new one should be a little bit younger. we fostered a four year old girl when ethan was 2, and it was horrible. he was not used to having anyone around all day long (the older siblings in the home were at school all day and much much older) she was bossy and controlling (as all good 4 year old girls are) and he freaked out....i think if the little girl had been his age or a little younger, it would have been better. you'd be surprised, even at 2, how much are kids are into a certain pattern. i think it would be difficult for any child this age to just start sharing for long periods of time. now ethan is 3 1/2 and eli is 10 months....it is a good fit for me. eli is old enough to play with ethan, without sufficating him or bossing him around (yet). ethan thinks eli is fabulous b/c eli thinks ethan is funny, but ethan can still walk away and go do something else w/.o eli following him (yet). i know they will annoy the heck out of eachother down the road ( i can't wait!), but i wanted it to be a slower process that what happend in our home before. the bottom line is you know your child, and you know what is best for your family. if you fall in love with a child who happens to be older, it may work for you....i know it works for some families....it is just my preference for my family to keep them all in "order."

[DPline]

You might want to check out this Forum that talks about birth order. It isn't very active, but you might at least read through what is there.

http://forums.adoption.com/discuss-y...s-birth-order/

My son came home 3 months after my daughter who is 6 months younger, but they were only 14 months and 20 months at the time and both had been in foster care with other children.

While I really like having two so close in age, I am very glad that they will be in different grades in school due to their birthdates. We already get SO many questions about them being twins, and my daughter is miles ahead of my son developmentally at this point at least, so I think it will be good for them to be separated when we get to school age. Hopefully it will mean fewer intrusive questions and allow them both to develop at their own pace without so much comparisons. Just some food for thought if you do go in the direction of two similar age children.

[chriscinger]

Well, our son is almost 5 years old, and the girl we are adopting is almost 8, so this has been a concern for us. In social settings with other kids, our son prefers to play with older kids, gets along well, and is a follower. The girl we are adopting has been in a foster home with younger children, so hopefully that will help her with the adjustment. We have been working to prepare our son for an older sister, and just have to hope for the best and expect the worst.