[Mandy4President]

That's supposed to say MORE school problems, and I should have added that this is very very long.
I just gotta vent here, so bear with me. I posted this on the special needs board also, so I apologize if anyone has read it already.

My son isn't adopted, but the sp. needs board isn't very active, so I was hoping that you guys would help me.

My son is 5. He has been diagnosed with Speech Apraxia and has oral motor problems and speech difficulties. He also has a very small - small motor problem that he doesn't even get therapy for, just some extra help. (before you say it, it's not an over-diagnosed speech delay, we've had all the testing done I can't tell you how much I hear that). He has self-esteem issues and sees the school counselor for it because he KNOWS that he is different from the other kids. He is a very intelligent and sensitive boy.

Anyways this is his first year in a regular education classroom, kindergarten. I have been dreading him going into a regular class but we couldnt' hold him back. We've been having problems at school all year already. First, his teacher didn't even know that he had an IEP. My dh and I had to go in and tell her and then tell her what was on it. So that put a bad taste in my mouth already, but my son seems to like her.

Then we've run into some major bullying. A child pushing and bulling Ty all the time, on the bus, in the classroom, this kid was everywhere. So I called the school (but had to do it twice because God forbid they would take care of it the first time.) The first time I called they told me that the other child just wanted to play with Ty and Ty keeps walking away from him, making it sould like it's my child's fault. Um, duh, would you want to be by someone who pushed you and called you names? So finally the second time they pulled the kid aside in class and told him to knock it off. Yeah, thanks.

So here's my current problem (finally, huh?) Yesterday my sons come home and tell me that Ty was made to sit against a wall for all three recessed. I figure that a recess is about 15-20 minutes, so about 45 minutes out of the day he was made to stand against a wall!!!! When I asked why he said that "D" (a totall troublemaker at the school who was in his class last year and lied about what other kids did to him all the time) told the recess teachers that Ty pushed him. My other son and three of his friends were there and they all said that it wasn't true, but the recess teacher chose to believe this other kid and punish Ty in this way. I am soooooooo mad. I don't even know where to begin. I am sick of calling and going to school. And the recess teachers don't even see this happen and they make Ty stand against the wall, when this other kid was bullying Ty (and the way I found out was another parent saw it and called me - proof) and all they do is pull him aside and tell him "no, no, no?" I am bringing the boys to school today and I am going to talk to his teacher, which I anticipate as being useless. Then I am going to go to his principal if the uselessness does show it's ugly head, and then I'll get more non-answers I'm sure as the principal is about as useful as the teacher. Where do I go then? The district? Am I over-reacting?

BTW, I should add that I have wanted to know how Ty is doing in school so two weeks ago I put a note in his bp asking the teacher to call. Nothing. Last week I sent her an email. Nothing. I'm thinking about calling an IEP meeting and asking that she send a notebook back and forth everyday since I try to get answers and can't. What do you think?!?!?

Sorry to bother you guys with this. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Update: I talked to one of the recess supervisors and she said that the person who put him against the wall left for a funeral, and must have never told him that he could get off. So because my son is such a good boy, he stood there all day. It breaks my heart. Did NO ONE notice that he was standing by the wall all day? I just want to cry.

[Guatemom]

I don't think you're over reacting at all!! I'm getting fumed just reading this and I"m ready to kick some butt!! This is unacceptable behavior from the school. We send our children there to be treated fairly and equally, and most of all to be adequately supervised. I don't believe it's an unfair expectation of us to expect them to be protected, either. And your son, difficulty or not, has been treated very differently and very mistreated at that. And his 'difference', which he is aware of enough on his own, is made more evident in the way they treat him--so how is he supposed to handle all of that? Ugh...If no one noticed him against a wall all that time, something is sorely wrong. You are your child's advocate; he depends on you to take care of him. You are his voice--and in this case, I'd let my voice roar. I'd demand that there be daily communication, by notebook or email or whatever, daily. I think they should be happy a parent is so concerned. And I applaude you for standing up for your boy. Document everything. And if you have to, I'd go to the board. Do what you have to do to ensure protection and fairness for your child!!!
gotchur back,
Melanie

[Mandy4President]

Thanks Melanie. I'm trying but it is soooooo draining fighting with the school all the time. And with this adoption right now I feel like all I do is fight with everyone and just hope that they do their job. I'm so discouraged by their school....and it's supposed to be a good school district! It's not like we live in a horrible area or something!!

[cheychey]

Mandy,

I can completely understand what you are going through as I am going through basically the same thing. I actually called a meeting with both of my son's teachers (he's in 5th and they change classes), the principal, and the guidance counselor. I have learned to do this so the principal can hear what the teacher's excuses are and so he knows the story in case the meeting does not solve the problem. I had a meeting last week and ever since, I have had rude, sarcastic, and nasty emails, and phone messages from one of my sons teachers, they get forwarded directly to the principal. (She's mad because the principal sided with me and reprimanded her.) My last email to the principal stated that if she continues, the school board will be notified, I'm waiting to see if she stops.

Basically, you will get no where if you don't follow the chain of command. The chain is the teacher, then the principal, then the superintendent of the school, then the county superintendent, and then the state, atleast here in New Jersey. I have actually made it to the county level once this year, actually in the first month of school.

You have to be your child's advocate. Your child deserves a fair and comfortable school year and years. If you want to talk, vent, or need some ideas, feel free to contact me.

[TheresaB]

Oh Mandy!! I feel so bad for you and for Ty (which is my nephews name, you have GREAT taste ) We have had a similar situation with our daughter that has worked itself out, but it was a complete waste of time to work with the teacher, as he had no inclination that it was even going on! Ummmm...pay attention to your students, no? Anyway, is there any way you can go in and volunteer in this classroom at any time? Even an hour a week, get involved and do fun things with the students and Ty. Maybe bring seasonal books to read, etc, and see for yourself what is going on?! I have done that and it seems to help. I would follow the "chain of command" again, start with the teacher and make it known that you expect for her to take note of what is going on between Ty and this other little boy and report home with information. If it isn't done, then go to the superintendant/principal, and if that doesn't help, go to the school board about it. MAKE IT KNOWN that your son does NOT deserve to be in trouble, etc and have his first year of school ruined by a bully! My neice has Downs Syndrome, so I have seen this and luckily it has all worked out because my BIL and SIL are very active in the community and have made her active as well, but it breaks a mothers heart to know that her childs heart is being broken at school, let alone being bullied. Best of luck, Mandy!! My heart breaks for him, it sincerely does, and for you!!! Hugs from one mom to another!!!!

[CashCrew]

Ohhh Mandy I wouldn't just take that excuse. There are other issues here as well. I would definitely still hold a meeting with all involved and let them know you are tired of this sort of thing happening and you expect MUCH more from them. I wouldn't stop until school was for my boys what I expect of it. You aren't over-reacting. There isn't such a thing when it comes to the defense of our kids.

[jules17]

Oh, Mandy - so sorry to hear this. I do not think you are OVER reacting AT ALL. I am so sorry your son is getting bullied and having to stand against a wall for 45 minutes - truly ridiculous.

If you haven't already, I would type up all of your concerns and document the occurrences. I would keep excellent docmentation and keep going and being persistent until you get the answers you are comfortable with.

I am coming from the background of having educator parents. Truly good, effective educators and administration LOVE it when you bring things to their attention. Not not so good educators, well, I think you know the answer to that one.

I would keep going until you get the resolutions you are comfortable with! And I am sorry for you and mostly sorry for Ty. What a mess. He sounds like a really sweet kid!

Sorry if I am just saying things you already know - I just woke up and my coffee hasn't kicked in YET.

[staceyinal]

Mandy,

I don't have a lot of words of wisdom from experience, since my kids have been homeschooled up until last year. But I am very upset just reading this and I'm not even your son's mother! (of course you knew that)

My son is moderately dyslexic and so has always been a little "behind" which has affected his self esteem. This year we made the decision to send him to the Christian school but felt he would be better in 2nd grade than 3rd which he is "supposed" to be in.

So far his teacher has been wonderful, despite a few isolated comments from other kids. But even in a basically "great" school environment, we're still having some issues. I can't imagine having my son in a place where he's being bullied and where it sounds like the administration just looks the other way. I would definitely fight for answers and awareness about this situation. This is about your son's emotional well being and these years are critical! So in a nutshell you are CERTAINLY not overreacting - your mommy instincts are right on target and you should not back down until you are satisfied with the response you get.

Wish I could help more...but I do feel your pain!

[Mandy4President]

Originally Posted by TheresaB

Anyway, is there any way you can go in and volunteer in this classroom at any time? Even an hour a week, get involved and do fun things with the students and Ty.

Thanks everyone. Just knowing someone is listening to me makes me feel better. I wish I could get in more Theresa. I try to get in when I can, which admittedly isn't very often, but I myself have school four-five days out of the week, and when I don't have that I have my daughter and our school won't allow you to bring sibiligs into the classroom so I'd have to stick her with a babysitter. Plus we're thinking I might have to get a part-time job to help pay for bills that are piling up because of the adoption. And I'm trying to stay involved with the school by asking them to communicate with me and they won't even do that. It's so frusterating because I feel backed into a corner.

[mommytoEli]

Mandy....I am not even going to read all the responses you've gotten already b/c i am too mad to sit still that long without writing. I taught kindergarten for 5 years. What happend to your kid is NOT okay. Even 1 full recess of being on the wall for what happend is extreme, especially given the fact that no adult ( or even child for that matter) witnessed what happend. I am very frustrated for you. you need to add a few things in your IEP, including communication- you want to know when your child is "misbehaving" and is going to receive a consequence, you want it to also say that the teacher will contact you at least once a week via your preferred method of communication. Also, add to your IEP that every year the new teacher needs to be inserviced on your son's disability and receive a copy of the IEP. ( I know, it seems like a no-brainer....but if it not specifially on there, it most likely will not get done....and you will STILL need to check every year that this has happend!) ((Oh...and i think the notebook idea is brilliant.....whatever you decide works best for YOU...put it in your IEP!)

Trust me, it will be easier to battle if you have it in writing! This year I FINALLY got my daughter a 504(another special ed contract...for those out of the loop)...and I am sooo happy now b/c the teacher HAS to contact me at least once a week by email or phone to fill me on the whole week---behavior, academics, everything! I don't really care if it is a pain in the butt for the teacher.....in the long run, it makes it easier on her b/c i can help control what is going on in the room.
It sounds like you really need to be kept in the loop of what is going on with your son. They say Kindergarten is the gateway to education. The statistics are outrageous.....most students who have a horrible experience in Kindergarten go onto to be unsuccessful in 1-12.

If you get nowhere with the updated IEP, first try to switch teachers, talk to the principal, and then go right to the district. I am sure that your son is just as miserable in this situation as you are. Please, please, move quickly to remedy this or get him the heck out of there. Kindergarten is not supposed to be like this

Like I said, I used to be a teacher....mostly K, my dh also works at our district office and knows lots of people.....if you have any other questions, or need help on what you should do, please do not hesitate to pm me. We'll do whatever we can to help you.

[devildogwife]

I am so sorry to hear that your son is being bullied. That is so sad. I don't think you're overreacting at all either! You are doing things right~DO go up the chain of command! Document everything. Like someone else said, you are your child's best advocate. They way he is being treated is just unacceptable. Please keep us posted.

[TheresaB]

I completely understand! It's just heartbreaking! I work part-time now and understand how hard it is to get in there, believe me I do. LOL! I would definately give them a call and request a conference again and hopefully it will get worked out with the teacher, if not, I'd pursue it at a different level. Best of luck Mandy!!!!!

[Guatmom2006]

No, you're right, you have to advocate for him. Especially about his IEP because if you don't make a fuss about it now, he'll fall further and further behind. About the bullying, I would definitely go to the principal at this point. If that doesn't work, I'd go to the kid's parents. Yes, it could backfire, but hopefully they can correct the behavior from home.

[Mindybeth6]

First of all I have to say WOW. This post was very shocking to me....although I know things like this still do happen in school. Secondly, you have every right to be upset and I would DEMAND answers and demand them now. They will keep trying to put off what you want although by LAW because he has an IEP they HAVE to communicate with you. For ALL my special needs kiddo's I do the notebook back and forth to the parents. Thats like the first thing any sp ed. teacher does...at least here. I would call an IEP meeting NOW and get some new objectives written down and demand that communication daily is one of them.

Ok that's one problem..now about the recess problem. They absolutely need to apologize for their actions on this Mandy. That is crazy. The first thing we learn in education classes is to NOT punish children in FRONT of other children...especially a kiddo with self-esteem issues..which EVERYONE is contact with you kiddo is SUPPOSED to know about BTW. You need to put in your IEP what types of discipline (sp) you agree with. If it is in the IEP they have to abide with them and IEP's are for a lot more then just "learning" they are for everything that your child needs throughout the ENTIRE schoolday. So go in there, demand some answers.

Good Luck...this post really saddened me. We have a long way to go in the US before ALL teachers start abiding by the IEP guidelines and the mainstreaming of sp. ed kiddos.

Hugs

[aniles]

It sounds like you need to have a meeting with the principal, teacher, counselor and sp. ed. teacher so that everyone is on the same page. Usually schools have an IEP meeting once a year to review the file, and the teacher should be present. It is also the sp. ed. department's responsibility to make sure the teachers have all IEP information for each child at the beginning of the year.

I am a teacher, and too many times there is not enough communication between all parties (teacher, parent, counselor, etc.). Since you have tried communicating with less than great results I would really suggest talking to the principal. The behavior by the teacher is unacceptable. Following that, perhaps the counselor can deal with the other child that is causing problems since you probably cannot discuss him too much without his parent present (privacy laws).

Good Luck and continue to pursue the school. It is your right and your son's right to a fair and safe day at school, and everyone should be working together for the success of the child.