[lzriggles]

I have been so taken aback to find that the people who adopted my child's sibling are seemingly very unfriendly to me. We live in different states so the communication has been via email...well I should say that I have attempted to communicate through email! At first they just ignored my first two attempts to connect and then on the third and final one for me all I got back was a rude response. I should say that they originally initiated conversation with me when they called for information/advice about adopting my child's sister.

Has anyone else experienced this? I want to just let it go but I'm so floored...and sad about it...

Thanks for any input!

[Guatmom2006]

That's weird. If they hadn't initiated conversation, I would have said that maybe they're unsure about how they feel about communication, but, that's not the case. I think if I were you, I would just ask them, even if it's an email, how they feel about communicating and exactly what they expected from the relationship. I would just be open with them, while being cordial, of course. Tell them you feel like maybe they are uncomfortable, ask them how often and how they would like to communicate, etc... I have no idea what could be up with them, but it's a precious relationship for your child in the future, so I would be careful...not that they have, but sometimes it's up to us to be the bigger person. Good luck to you.

[Quesita]

What a strange experience. I cannot imagine why they would initiate contact and then be rude to you! I am so sorry that you are going through this. Finding the bio-sibling of your child could be a wonderful experience for you and your family, but it seems that this will not be the case.

I have no advice to offer, but I send you hugs and support.

[Mariais5]

We had the same situation with our domestic adoption. We adopted our oldest son and one and a half years later, we adopted his little brother. In the meantime, another family adopted their baby brother. The birthmom gave the other family our information because she wanted the boys to stay in touch. All of our adoptions were supposed to be open adoptions with the boy's grandmother having bi-annual visits. The other family never honored that agreement.

I contacted them on a couple of different occassions to have the boys meet because they never contacted me. I was met with some resistance, so I dropped it. I personally feel like they felt threatened by any kind of relationship that reminded their son he was adopted. I don't understand this thinking, but it seems somewhat common.

I don't understand why they would have contacted you initially if they weren't interested in a relationship though. It could be that a friend or family member told them this was a bad idea too..

While I think it is wonderful that families are able to keep up with their chidren's bio-siblings, I wouldn't feel like it will harm your child's stability or growth in any way if he/she doesn't have a relationship with the sibling. Our boys are adults now ~ 18 and 20. Their baby brother is 17. Their birthmom asked the other day if I thought the boys would contact him once he turned 18. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it's been years since they've even mentioned their brother.. I do hope they will be able to reunite at some point, but they don't seem interested now.

[BrandyHagz]

Well, I think to get to the root of the problem, you need to find out what the agency may have told them.

Did you get upset/sad when you found that your childs sibling was adopted by someone else? If so, the agency could have passed that on and they could see you as a threat to their family.

This is actually a common issue between adoptive families and birth families in domestic adoption - the agencies get involved and put their foot in their mouth and in the end it destroys relationships or potential relationships.

Depending on what the response said, you might consider sending another email, asking how things got off on the wrong foot and asking if there is something that can be done to repair what has obviously been damaged.

Consider, also, that they may have initiated contact without giving it a lot of thought, thus resulting in a lot of back steps...

I wouldn't give up on this potentially valuable relationship just yet...try to find out what the root problem is and deal with it together, if you can.

[KKR213]

I would just back off and maybe send an update once or twice a year. Like the others said this is a wonderful chance for your child to know biological siblings.

When I was picking up my son, my mother told me one day there was a baby girl who was his spitting image in the hotel. I didn't see her until we were at the embassy and the baby's grandfather did a double take looking at my son. My son wasn't supposed to be a twin but you never know. When we came home i registered with the sibling registry and would check occassionally. Recently an email was sent reminding members to check all possible variations of the birthmother's name so I did. There was a name with the Middle name and both last initials. Judging by the registry number they joined the same time as me but when I tried to email the user was deleted and no longer in the system. It makes me wonder if they joined like I did to see if there was a sibling but decided against any contact. If so it is a shame and I will always wish I spoke to them in Guatemala.

[lzriggles]

Thanks so much to all of you for your input. I appreciate the time you took to respond.

Best wishes to all!

[JoTed]

My husband always says e-mail is the worst way to communicate, especially on such a sensitive subject as things can easily be misread, if you have a phone number for the other parents, perhaps it might be better to have the conversation over the phone.