[arthymom]

I like the "idea" of 3 kids, but I don't see it as our reality.

Just wondering if anyone else feels how we do. We manage fine and can't wait for dd to come home, but we BOTH work full time and long hours and 2 is what we think we can juggle with full time work. So we have ds and when dd comes home we'll stop at 2.

I do see three and think, "how nice it would be", but I would be really overwhelmed, I think, unless I quit working...And despite normal workplace complaints, I actually like my job most of the time.

I also like to have a little down/quiet time. NO, I need down/quiet time to feel balanced.

Anyone else stopping at 2 for financial, logistical, harmony/balance reasons?

[bamagirl]

Well, that's what our decision is too. Up until a week or two ago, we were considering a girl. However, we decided that things are just fine right now. We're not strapped. We get by. We love our boys. We are happy. DH and I would LOOOOVE a girl but, it's really not much of an option for us. That might push us a bit too far....

[Payne]

They do grow up so fast that I often think I would love to add a #3 to the family. However, we own our own business, busy with community affairs, and juggle dance with football/basketball/baseball several nights a week.

For us, to properly give our son(5) and daughter(2) the attention we feel they need, we will probably stop at 2.

Another thought, children's toys get more expensive the older they get. I think about teenage years...a car, trips, lessons, college.... then it becomes a financial decision.

...however...if we somehow were presented with a "surprize", I am sure we would be so happy!

Payne

[GuatMommy2Be]

I don't know.. I'd like to think we would have at least one more, maybe a domestic adoption. I'd really love to have a newborn.

[leifjackie]

We're waiting to bring home our first, a beautiful little girl, and can't imagine her life without a sibling. Despit the cost factor, our plans are to march ahead with #2. We both work full-time and I have found bilingual daycare for her. So, we see a little sister as another blessing for us, as well as a lifelong buddy for our first angel.

[lyssie]

There really is no greater joy than family. I am a mother of 5 children. I struggled at different times in my children's early years to let go of my visions of my future and embrace motherhood fully. So, I understand wanting to hold back a little --I am not saying this is your situation, just letting you know, I did not always feel like I do now.--I am all for having plans financially, logisticaly and harmony wise. However, I have been amazed to see how doors and opportunities open in ways I could never have expected! There are so many things that we just cannot forsee. All I know is when you put your family as the FIRST priority in your life it works. If you have inclinations to adopt a little girl but, are thinking you like where you are now, maybe you can wait a little while and then reevaluate. Little girls are so fun, and I have found the parenting experience to be a bit different than with boys. Both are so fun in their own unique ways!

I can say that with the premature birth of our 5th--a little boy <who spent 10 days in the ICU and a month on oxygen> I finally realized that there was absolutely nothing that I loved more than to be a mother. I had to give up a lot to care for him and get him on the road to health <which he is in all aspects now>But, what I got in return was SO MUCH Grander than anything I gave...It is amazing how your heart grows and your understanding increases when you give of yourself. It seems the more we stretch, the more we grow.

We are currently planning to adopt two children from Guatemala. We are in the process of paper chasing in duplicate. This is a daunting task while taking care of the everyday life stuff, but, we are so excited! If someone had told me years ago that I would be the mother of 7 children, I would have literally laughed. But, I can say that our children are so happy and love each other. Being in a large family gives you so many advantages in so many ways, maybe not all of the gadgets and gizmos and toys you ever wanted--but other gifts that are priceless.

I hope you understand that I just am encouraging you to follow your heart and trust that things can work out better than YOU ever imagined they could. I have found so much more JOY in my life by letting go of MY plans and being open to what my heart felt I should do.

[Foradoption]

I can understand where you're coming from. I see families with 3 children and I love the dynamics (what I see from the outside looking in) and growing up with just one other sibling, I always thought it would of been fun to have another. We are in the process of bringing our 2nd home and to be honest, life and jobs with just one can get hectic. I would really need to re-evaluate my working to go above 2. A partner at my firm has 4 little boys and she is running herself ragged, but then she does put in a lot of hours. I guess I would have to see where we are in a few years.

[Leebert2]

I feel exactly the same as you do. I felt like I was reading my words when I read your post! This is our second and final adoption. I think we would be stretched to the limit if we had more than two children. We both work full-time - very demanding jobs - and spend all home time together as a family. We are thrilled that Bella will have a sister and we want them to be best friends for life! I can't wait to hear two little voices in the house and two sets of feet running around. I just know myself and know that more than that would be too much for our situation. I can barely handle my schedule right now! I feel like Lynette on Desperate Housewifes sometimes! That "I can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan" stuff is possible - BUT I don't look as perky as the woman in the commercial! I definitely want to be able to pour myself into my children and know I can with two. Of course, that is my situation I am describing only. Just wanted you to know I am there with you!

Lisa

[Mariais5]

While we are in the process of adopting our sixth child, most of our children's friends are in a two child family ~ adopted and biological alike.. So, I think that two is pretty normal and works for a lot of families..

[mommywannabee]

I think the hubby would be happy with 2, but I would like to have 3...we'll just have to wait and see what happens...

[Saya]

Our plan is definitely for 2 kids, for all the reasons you say and more. But who knows - one thing this process has taught us, is things never turn out as planned . . .

[arthymom]

A lot of friends and people I know seem to be pregnant with their third.

I was starting to wonder since it is "all around me" I guess.

I know how much downtime and sleep my body and soul need to be there for my one. 3 seems so nice, but I don't see 3 as manageable right now...Esp. since we DON'T live near family. One is hard sometimes and I'm anxious about 2 without the support of family.

For those of you with many kids, thank you for the wisdom. If our circumstances change, we will consider it again. But for now, I will focus on getting our dd home and being a great full time working mommy to two.

Take care,

[AdoptAmiga]

We are on the fence w/this one, too. I look at 3 kid families and think "maybe"??? Our decision actually has to do with our ages - approaching the big 5-0 pretty soon. Options get narrower as you get in the 50+ parent crowd. Now with a 4.5 and a 3.5 year old, it's about all we can handle most days! If we were to add a third child to our family, he/she would not be an infant. We would prefer a child 4+ y.o. We also want to respect birth order and want the kids fairly close in age. Our plan is to revisit this topic in 2009/2010 and see where we are in finances, health and emotions. Best of luck to everyone.

[annelisa]

What a great thread! Thanks for starting it and for being so "real"!
I am 48, DH just turned 50. Our Guatemalan treasures are 6 and 4. DH says he's perfectly thrilled with the two we have; I am, too, but sometimes long for a third. But, as someone else posted, NOT a baby this time. And, also, then there's the whole birth order thing.
Sometimes I think we all see these people that have 4,
5, 6.........10 kids and think, "shouldn't I be able to do this?" I SO admire the people that have the patience, time, resources, etc. And there are times that I WISH I could do that, too. But, I know myself and what are lives entail, and we're probably great with just the 2 of them. Our kids are healthy, happy, and great friends
(most of the time.
That doesn't mean that my heart isn't in Guatemala and I am always finding ways to make a difference. But the things you said make a lot of sense.

PS......I'm in Guatemala right now with JOBRAVO, visiting her beautiful precious 4 month old Layla.

[TerriBB]

I have 1 brother - my mom had 1 brother - so it seems "normal" to have 2 kids. I ALWAYS thought that I would have 4 kids and stay at home with them.

Our first son was born the month I had turned 40. DH also started traveling 40 -50% of the week at that time.

It's not just the cost of daycare, the clothes, college...but making a decision on a bigger car, adding another room on to the house etc.

As my friend said "You go from one-on-one to zone defense when they outnumber you!" I know that I couldn't get 3 out the door in the morning!

I LOVE our small family now and I can't wait until Tuesday - when we become PERFECT for US!

Everyone have a wonderful evening...I should be busy packing!!!