[jenniferw223]

My son was asked not to return to daycare until he stops biting. I knew this was coming but I am pretty upset about the short notice to find him a new place. They did not even let him finish out the week. So I now think an in home caretaker is the way to go since he needs more one on one attention. I have three prospects I will be meeting over the weekend. Now they will only have to watch him three days a week from 6:30-6:00 (worst case scenario when my husband is not available to pick him up earlier.) So what are your opinoins on these three prospects?

1. Older woman, keeps one other child and is open to keep up to three children at a time. Her home is somewhat out of the way but of course worth it if he will get the care we need. ($150 a week)

2. Young woman, has a 10.5 month old and a three year old of her own and keeps one other three year old. Would also keep my son. Pretty close to work, however she lives in an apartment not a house. But there is a playground in the complex she takes the kids too. ($120 a week)

3. Young woman with a 2.5 year old. Would come to my home and watch our son and hers. She would be here three days a week )11 hours each day) and only charges $130.00 a week. I just think that sounds way to inexspensive for someone to come to my home?

Of course I will do background checks and verify first aid and CPR training etc.

Any experienced moms have some advice? I think in home childcare is the way to go until my son gets through this biting stage.

[Mandy4President]

IMHO I would almost stay away from the moms with their own children if your son is biting for this reason: If your son bites one of their children, it is going to make them more mad than someone who is just watching the other children who are not their own. KWIM? Like, for example, if a child bit one of my friends kids, I would think oooo, that is really sad and I feel bad for him/her. But if that child bit my kid I would be really mad. Not saying they would do anything mean to him, but I can see them treating him differently because of it. I hope this isn't coming off weird, jmo.

Let me edit this to say that I realize that some kids go through a biting stage, and when I said that I would be mad I meant at the fact that my child was hurt. I don't want to offend anyone, especially you, Jennifer. So I felt like I had to add that in.

[Mandy4President]

Let me add that you could always switch when he seems to have stopped biting since I noticed that the older lady is the most expensive.

[jenniferw223]

I really don't want to switch him once he is settled. The cost isnt a huge issue because I was paying almost $140 a week for daycare anyways.

[PetDragon]

Originally Posted by jenniferw223

3. Young woman with a 2.5 year old. Would come to my home and watch our son and hers. She would be here three days a week )11 hours each day) and only charges $130.00 a week. I just think that sounds way to inexspensive for someone to come to my home?

I'm not a parent but I have done childcare as a babysitter, in home nanny and had an in home daycare center. Pretty much childcare has been my buisness since I was 12 years old.

Anyway the price for someone in your home may sound inexpensive, but keep in mind you will likely be providing her food as well. She also may or may not clean up after herself or her child. If you do choose this route it is also rare to have a contract for care provided so make certain you write one up for her protection as well as your own.

[annaguat]

Just based on the limit info I would go for the older lady. I also second phoenix 29 post. Anna

[NJRach]

I agree with everyone who posted, the woman with her own child may overreact if your son bites her child. I've seen some parents act hysterical when their child was bitten. You'd think a rabid dog had gored their child.

Anyhow, I say to go for the older woman. I've had some bad luck with younger aged babysitters. One kept putting her children before mine, for example, if her kid took a toy from my kid, she yelled at mine to let hers have a turn. If my kid took the toy, she yelled at mine to give it back and that she needed to share.

Another younger sitter repeatedly cancelled, and a third seemed too young for me to relate to her. She always wanted to hustle us out the door in about 30 seconds, without any details of how the day was.

I hope I haven't offended anyone, especially if you are a sitter in your 20's, but that has been my experience.

The older sitters seem more settled. If they've been in the business for years, they are in it by choice, not necessity. I've also noticed the older sitters we had didn't get as wrapped up in the politics of the children. They seemed to be more businesslike and fair to them all.

Anyhow, that's my 2 cents. Good luck with your decision and give us an update as to how it's going.

Rachael

[Julaine]

I have my own in home day care ! Are you any where near Cincinnati ? Just kidding about that !
But I would go with the older woman if she is not too old because one she has probably had more experience, two she is only going to be watching up to three children none of which are hers, three when you have your own children it is hard not to show favoritism (been there done that !), I am not sure of the age of your child but the one provider had two three year olds ! Not a good thing for a biter to have older children where he will be easily frustrated and finally the older lady will probably have more patience.

Have you made the providers aware of his biting situation ? With just him and another child or two it may stop. He may not be as frustrated. Many times toddlers bite because they are hungry (not for human flesh !ha!ha!), tired, frustrated, upset about something, or they want or need something but do not have language to express themselves !

Hope things work out for you ! Biting is such a frustrating thing in a day care setting. For everyone !

[stephjoel99]

Oh, Jennifer, I so feel your pain. My now 3 year old was "expelled" from his preschool class last year. Hitting, biting, taking his clothes off. Flushing things down the toilet. Mortifying.

Anyway, I really thought about your options and I think #1 and #3 are the best options. My only concern (that Mandy brought up - as did other posters) was that another mom may put her own kids first (that's why I didn't like option #2 since she had 2 little ones). #3 is a good option b/c she only has 1 child and she'd be in your house. The only con I see w/#3 is what if *her* child is super sick and either a) she doesn't want to bring him/her over to your house or b) she brings her super sick kid over to your house.

Good luck in your decision!! Stephanie, fellow mom to a preschool evictee

[ZTALDY]

Lurking from the Russia board....

I would pick the older one. Older caregivers maybe more seasoned. We had an "older" lady keep us when my parents went out..usually once a week or more. This lasted for several years. She eneded up being a huge influence in our lives and we maintained a realtionship with her and her family even upon her passing last year at 93. My brothers and I loved her to pieces. She was a part of our lives for 25 years. If I had to choose, it would be the older woman.

[saranbr]

I would also choose the older woman even if she's a little out of the way and a bit more expensive. That's really not all that expensive anyway for three long days. I agree with what the other posters said about the other options having their own children. The third option would be my second choice-- just think that someone with two of their own young children in their home may not provide the individual attention your child obviously needs, at least until he overcomes the need to bite others.

[jenniferw223]

Thanks for everyones input. I am going to meet everyone over the weekend and go fro there. I do agree the older woman is probably the best choice although having someone watch my son in my home is very tempting. However the best care for my son is top priority. The one thing I worry about with the younger ones is that they may not give me enough notice if they decide they do not want to watch him anymore. I have told all of the caretakers about my sons biting. I want them to be aware of the situation. I even was turned down by one woman I talked to and actually met because of it. She had a wonderful set up but really it was to far for me to go so it is probably for the best anyways. There is no point in me not being honest because I would just be in the situation I am in now a month from now. I don't want to have to keep switching care takers for my son. I hope to find one that will work well for everyone so he can stay in one place. I really have two weeks to "spare" because all of my husbands job duties the next two weeks happen to fall on my days off. I really appreciate everyones input.

[doghouse]

My son was kicked out of preschool for biting. We found a preschool for kids who needed help with speech. He qualified and did very well.

With a child that bites, it is very important that the adult to child ratio be high. Good supervision and better developed language skills will eliminate the biting.

Am I correct in thinking he is only 21 months?

[RuthC]

Hi

I would be cautious about bringing someone into your home. I believe that makes them an "employee" in the eyes of the tax law and you will have some additional tax obligations. Not 100% sure but I recall that being an issue with some national political campaign and was nicknamed "nannygate". I know, the stupid stuff I store in my brain.

Another option would be to find a center with a lower ratio. The high teacher to child supervision ratio is important. I would choose to keep him in an enviroment where he is with children his age. He needs to learn to play with kids his age without biting them.

[jenniferw223]

Yes he is 21 months old. He spends alot of time with his cousins and the kids at daycare were his age. The older woman keeps a 2 1/2 year old so they will be fairly close in age. I am going over at noon to meet her.