[ManyTimesBlessed]

I logged on just now hoping to see outs. I only saw one. And even if there were outs here, it wouldn't be mine! I don't meant to be selfish and I really am happy for everyone else, but I just feel like I can't handle the disappointment anymore. I feel myself going numb. It feels like Jayden doesn't even really exist and that this is all just something I made up.

So many people have gotten out who went in after we did. I just can't believe we are still waiting. Is it possible to just never get out of PGN? Am I just kidding myself?

Sorry to be such a downer. Maybe I just need to take a break from the forums. I just feel worse and worse each day and it feels like this will never be over. My baby will be a year old in only 20 days and I'm going to miss his birthday. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would still be waiting after all this time.

Thanks for listening.

~Rachel

[Chinook]

Rachel - Try and keep your faith that Jayden will be with you someday soon. Its just that soon is never soon enough. I'm in the wait for referral process right now, and I can't even imagine how hard your wait is. I just wanted to let you know that I'm sending speedy thoughts your way.

[Guatmom2006]

No need to apologize, we've all been there. Hugs to you and tomorrow's another day. I have a feeling your out is coming very soon.

[nathansvolunteers]

Rachel,
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I can relate~~sometimes it just seems the whole process is not even real anymore, and that we will never get our daughter home. Heck, technically she isn't really even our daughter yet until PGN is over.
I have no great words of wisdom to make you feel better. Just know that you are not alone. We all know how these frustrations make you feel.
Sending big hugs on to you, and prayers that your phone call comes very, very soon so Jayden can be in your arms forever....

Cindy
waiting for Camille

[DD Amasa]

I know how you feel. This is just awful. Most people getting out went in long after me. I feel more discouraged each day. But we have to hang in there. Our children will come home.

[annaguat]

Well your feelings are very normal and not selfish at all. I can't beleive Jayden is not out of PGN either. Hang in there. Hugs, Anna

[akasohappy]

Hang in there! He will come home. This week when we were seeing all of the outs for long timers I thought about the other long timers that were not hearing anything. Some with even a longer timeline than those getting out at 100 days. I am sorry you are having to endure this.
Keep the faith!
Those beautiful kids WILL COME HOME!!

[starryeyes]

We are here with you - please don't give up - I was at that point a few days ago also. I don't know what to say except that we are all in this together, just hang in for a little while longer.

[Hopingsoon]

Rachel, I'm so sorry. Somedays I feel the same way, and it's way too early in the process for me to be feeling this! I'll keep you in my prayers, and hope for an out SOON!

[Quesita]

I know that you want both of your kids home, and you want them home now. Both of them are sooo close to coming home, and at this point you don't even know if your daughter might come home first. I cannot imagine the emotional turmoil, the inability to make short term plans, and the general uncertainty that you and your family are facing. But your children are coming home. Both of them. Very soon. You said the other day that your daughter should be home before Christmas, which is sooner than you had even hoped. You will get through this time. And your son will be out soon. And your beautiful family will be together.

[murphmom]

I think that your feelings are completely normal! I definitely understand exactly how you feel and we didn't go into PGN until a month after you did. I ask my husband that some days...what if our file is lost and we never get out of PGN? He thinks that I'm being irrational, but I really want to know...what if we never get out of PGN? I have serious concerns about my mental health if this goes into the new year, I'll just go ahead and say that now!

Please know that you are not alone. People do come out of PGN and they do bring their babies home. You will have your turn and I pray that it comes very soon!

[Clare'sMom]

It's Ok Rachel!!! I can't even imagine what you have been through.... But you have come so far! PGN WILL NOT & CAN NOT last forever!!!!!! BOTH your beautiful children will be home really soon..... If you look really hard you can kinda see the light at the end of the tunnel, can't you

I missed one of my baby's first Birthdays, it sucked! no other word for it! We had a party here with out her.... a very wet party But you know what the next one ROCKED!!! and all the rest will be with ME!!! We are getting ready to spend her first (third actually) Halloween at Home!! Next year at this time you will be picking out 2 more costumes and hidding the candy from them!!

Thinking of You!! Ann

[lwetherbee]

Hi Rachel,

I know exactly how you feel....like when will this ever end? I have had days recently that I want to just quit and throw in the towel. But, then I think what purpose would that serve? It is very hard to see people who have not been in as long as we have get out with no problems, I am happy for them. I just wonder why others like us have to endure so much more? Our day will come, please promise to hang in there never give up hope!
Laurie

[Larue]

Rachel - I really undertand the numbness. I went there myself for awhile today. But the Forum really helped lift me out of my despair. Please know that we are all here with you. You can vent with us anytime. Praying both of your beautiful children are home with you very soon

[maxattack]

Be mad, be sad, cry and then dust yourself off....just don't give up!