[Guatmom2006]

I really consider myself to be a very patient and "glass half full" kind of person, but over the last two days, anger seems to have set in. Where do they get off doing this to us, and to these children? How can they justify it? I hope this feeling passes soon because I've had knots in my stomach for 2 days. I never thought I'd be one of those people who got ticked off when I saw an out, but I've even gotten to that point too. I'm certainly not ticked off at the parents, and I celebrate with them, but ticked off, even more at PGN. How can people who went in in September be getting out and us not be getting out? I'm sorry to be such a downer. I can't seem to shake this. I guess tomorrow's another day.

[jules17]

KC, I am with you as I am sure are many others. I am not to the "anger" phase yet, but I can say I am sure it is not too far away.

This whole experience has been very difficult on us - and like you, we are positive people.

The hardest part for us is that it is the biggest decision of our lives, yet the one in which we have the least control. That is so frustrating!

I hope you get your OUT soon. Until then, we can all support each other and hold each other UP!

[JCB1975]

Hi KC,

I feel the same way you do and am trying to stay positive but sometimes it seems IMPOSSIBLE!!! Vent away....

Wishing you and everyone else good luck this week

[murphmom]

I just emailed my friend, who is also adopting from Guatemala, and told her that I am ugly-Abby today. I am sad and cranky and mad and ugly. This might be the only post from me today because I'm so ugly today that I can't even tell the "outs" that I'm happy for them. I'm selfish and ugly today and I just want my sweet, wonderful babies home.

[LISAKAYE]

I hear ya!!! I have the same thoughts!! The anger is certainly not at the people getting out, because God knows they deserve to be out just as much as we do! It is PGN!!! There is no rhyme or reason for how cases come out. Common sense would say they would take the cases that have been in the longest!!! I keep telling myself any day now!! PGN don't let me down!!!!!

Lisa

[kjdnyc]

I'm mad as h*ll!!!! I too get upset when I see an out for someone who went into PGN in Sept. - while I'm on day 96 - and 60 days since KO. It's just not fair. I don't begrudge those families bringing their kids home earlier - but it does make me mad that Barrios doesn't seem to care about doing this in any sort of order. And why do some get stupid KOs and others get approved in 4 weeks. My agency had someone get out on Friday that was in PGN for 2 weeks!?!?!?!?! Talk about angry - I was incensed!!!!

If one more person tells me to "hang in there" I think I'll scream. I've decided to just focus on getting everything ready on the assumption that the call is coming any day now. I've also decided to just keep saying "it will happen" - and not focus on any other possibility.

Here's to all of us long-time waiters - I hope we get a bunch of good news this week - we need it - and here's to our strength for "hanging in there."

You're all in my thoughts and prayers!!

[sassycindy]

Originally Posted by Guatmom2006

Where do they get off doing this to us, and to these children? How can they justify it? .

This has been discussed in other forums, but the general feeling is that many Guatemalans and the PGN are not in support of international adoptions so that is probably how they justify it. They don't see us adopting their babies as beneficial to the babies anyway, so it's probably their preference to keep them in country longer. We obviously see it differently.....

Sorry you are feeling so negative and low. We've all been there at one time or another. I used to absolutely HATE all pregnant women for a long period of time. Their fat bellies were like a personal insult to me! Hang in there and let yourself be mad if you need to. it's pretty normal even if it feels like crap!

[dspakowsky]

No. I'm not mad. PGN doesn't have to justify their actions and that's just the way it is. It's terrible, but there's not much we can do about it. Your anger will pass - hang in there.

[P.E.Z.]

Count me in , after almost 16 months and still not even in PGN and no end in sight , yes I'm a bit angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mommytoEli]

We all have our days
I didn't have a minor birthmom and it still took 10 months for my son to come home....I get very jealous when I see others get their kids home in 5 months. I admit I get a little, "why me?" on my husband. It's not pretty
After I got out of PGN, alot of my anger subsided. I try now to focus on the positives of bringing home an older baby....but deep down, I really am still upset it took longer than it needed to. On my last visit trip, I met the cutest 4 year old Guatemalan I have ever seen. She had the most beautiful hair Anyway, her family received her as a referral when she was a few weeks old...and she is still in PGN!!!! They were really excited because they were finally going to declare her abandonned after all this time and begin abandonment preceedings...from what I have learned here....that takes a long time, too. They'll be lucky to get her home in time to start Kindergarten.....and they have been waiting to bring her home for FOUR years! That put alot into perspective for me. MAY NO ONE else have to wait that long for their baby! The good news is your timeline looks like you are about a month behind me, and my son is coming home this week...so maybe you will get a call any day now

[yaddakal]

Looking at our timelines, we have about the same amount of anger. I do not even have a minor birthmom. My agency tells me my case is being REVIWED, that is all they tell me, no kickouts...my emotions change usually by the hour over the pst 2-3 weeks...right now, I am saying a prayer each time the phone rings and then I look at the caller ID and ugh! The bank!
I have a slight optimism until around 3pm when I know I am less likey to get out every passing minute and start to see all the outs of 5 month old babies!!!

Then that is my why me, angry part of the day.

All these emotions!!!!

[cerca]

Not angry here (but feel free to vent!)...I am just very very sad...I am sad that it has been 2 Halloweens now that I have had a referal and still been waiting for my child...sad that my son thinks his brother's name is Guatemala (because that is all he hears us talking about)...sad that my daughters asked if they should include Tristan's name in their family for a school project because maybe he will never come home either...sad that my husband and I fight some days when we are both stressed about the adoption.........just really sad

I'm sorry these last few days have been rough...you are in my thoughts...and please feel free to be as mad as you want!!!

Jess

[Jonni]

I get angry sometimes, too, KC. It's hard to see so much time wasted. Life is precious, time is precious. And obviously every one of us goes into this hoping that our baby will be one of the young ones to come home. It's hard for me, too, to think about the $$ sometimes. I hear everyone say the slowness of the process is part of "the culture". Funny, the dollars I paid were American. IMHO that ought to buy me American-style service. It's frustrating to be treated by both agencies and attornies as the last thing on their to-do list for the week....or month...or year!

Anyway, all that to say, I understand where you're coming from and I know how hard it is to put the anger aside. But I have to say, my being angry doesn't hurt them at all. And It hurts me terribly. So, on the good days, I am not angry. On the good days I am thankful the Lord is allowing my husband and I to this again. Not because I enjoy "this". But because I know what it means months from now.....a precious life, to have and to hold, from that day forward.

Jonni

[joublin]

First, I want to say that I am sorry that you are feeling angry. I cannot even pretend to know what it is like to be in PGN as long as some of you have, seeing as I have on my 5th week.

However, as a September PGNer, I have to say that there has only been ONE out on this board that was from someone that went in in September. Believe me, I have been paying close attention!

Out of the 20 outs for the month of October so far, there were 3 from April, 2 from May, 2 from June, 6 from July, 6 from August and the 1 from September.

I know that it is NOT fair that it is not first in, first out, but I think there truly are some files that are problem-free and others that need to be looked at more closely, so no matter what, there cannot be any kind of "order".

I look at it as EVERY baby that gets out is a blessing and it means that PGN is doing their job. We might not like the way they do it, but we really don't have any control over it.

I was stuck in FC and the others from my agency who entered FC at the same time as me are already out of PGN, so I do have a little taste of "that could have been/should have been me". I just can't focus on that or I will make myself crazy

[fochtru]

KC
My parents go to a pizza place every Friday night near where they live (SE PA) The owner is Guatemalan. My mom told him the other day that I was in the process of adopting from there. He looked mad and she was worried that he didn't want kids brought here. Instead, he was mad for us...he was mad that Guatemala makes it so difficult to get the kids home---that they charge too much, take too long, etc. It was good to hear that even some of the people from there are upset about the way the process can turn out.
Hope things work out for you soon.