[aniles]

I am just wondering how attachment issues might (or might not) be different if a child has been in foster care vs a hogar. Our son is in a Hogar and will be right around 9 months when he comes home. Any experiences would be helpful. Thanks!!

[Niclayson]

Ani,

My son was in both. He spent the first 4 months in a small baby home and the next 3 with a foster mother (he was moved because the baby home closed). So we were his 4th placement. For most of you, you will be the 3rd placement. Remember from birthmom, to hogar, to you. As strange as it sounds, even if the child never lived with his birthmother...he remembers her voice and heartbeat and it IS a loss to him.

I do believe that how children react is related to their personality. Some do fine, others don't. Just prepare yourself well....and things will work out. Parenting, whether adopted or biological, is always a challenge. The Forrest Gump saying about "life is a box of chocolates, you don't know what you are going to get" applies here!

[JohnnaMJH]

So true, it does depend on the child. One is definitely not better. I used to think so by my first adopted son was in the same foster home for 3 years and it was terrible care. I do think he would've been better off in a good hogar and I was mistaken in thinking foster care means no or less chance of attachment problems.

Good luck,

[dadfor2]

attachement issues are formed, due to a break in an attachment. All our children were at risk, due to having be removed from bmom, that was the break in attachment, no matter where they go..\

obviously the more placements, the more detached. Age is huge also.

but like others have said, every child is different. My suggestion is to do attach parenting from the get go...better safe then sorry.

congrats by the way

[WVUMom418]

My daughter was in a hogar and we visited twice before bringing her home. We brought her home at at 14 months and luckily had no issues with attachment. She has been home for a little over 9 months and it has been an absolutely wonderful experience.

[jillbee]

Our youngest was in a great hogar until we brought her home at the age of six months. She was very loved and well cared-for at the hogar. When we were leaving several donas came up to her to kiss her goodbye. There were a lot of tears. Maria went through some grieving when we came home, but attached to us quickly. She is a total delight!

Our newest little one is with a foster family. We have not visted yet, but in the photos and video that we rec'd it appears that he's totally cherished. He's happy and chubby. I am expecting that he will have more of a grieving issue than Maria, but will also attach well. Who knows though, each child is different...and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Jill

[keithandkristy]

Our first daughter was in the hospital for about two months, a hogar for about 3 or 4 months, and a foster home for about 1 or 2 months before she came home at 8 months. Because she had some medical issues, she was very loved and received lots of attention. When we picked her up, the nannies at the orphanage referred to her as "Miracle Maria" and just loved on her. Thankfully (& prayerfully), she had no attachment issues and bonded with us very quickly. As a matter of fact, just after three weeks, she started saying "Mama". I will say from day one, and still to this day, she prefers myself over dh for some reason. It breaks his heart quite often.

Our twin daughters just came home a month ago at 6 months old. So far, they are doing well. We're praying they continue to be okay and will have no attachment issues. They were loved and very well taken care of in the hogar. They were in a hogar from day one. I also think it depends on the child. I hope this helps...just wanted to share our experience since most children seem to be in foster care. I thought I would share our story since our children were in hogars.

[ShellyfromTN]

Ani,

Congratulations on your OUT!!! Our son, Drew is at Eagle's Nest too!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Shelly

[brink]

Our three were all in a small private children's home and came at 4yrs, 4yrs, and 10yrs. No issues of attachment, except that we worked on it more specifically with a preadolescent girl than the 4yr old boys. Just to show that even as older children, they can and do come home ready to attach if they've attached to caregivers in their past.

[chica_latina]

Our daughter was in a Foster home with a very loving FM and we visited twice. We are working on attachment issues with her.

Our son was in a Foster home as well and we visited him twice, we have not had any attachment problems with him.

[aniles]

Thank you all for your responses. I know each child is different, but it seems like it would be more difficult for a child to attach to a single person in a hogar (the one our son is in has ladies working and changing shifts around the clock). And, maybe they would love to finally have some one on one attention once they are with their family (BIG maybe!). So, my curiosity is how children do after being in a hogar. I would love to hear more stories from people who have experiences with children in hogars!

[angelkisses0102]

You may want to look at other boards like China and Russia who have orphanages for information.

It is typically easier for a child who has bonded once (to a FM) to bond again. A child in an orphanage does not typically bond due to exactly what you said...there is not one single person who is answering their needs consistantly...so no bond can form. From A4everFamily.org - HOME

What is Attachment? What Causes Attachment Issues?
First Year Bonding Cycle

During the first year of life, baby's focus is on one goal: getting his needs met. The bonding cycle begins in utero and continues during infancy when the child experiences unpleasant sensations such as hunger, pain, discomfort, or tiredness. He expresses this feeling by whimpering, crying or raging. When his diaper is changed or he is given a bottle, the need is met, leading him to feel satisfied, creating a sense of trust. During the first year of life, this cycle of discomfort-need-gratification-trust, is created over and over again in a dance between mother and baby. Through this process the child understands that he is safe and loved.

The cycle is disrupted by separation from the birth mother. The situation can be compounded by additional disruptions including hospitalization, foster care, or institutionalization. When the child's needs are not met or the caregivers are inconsistent, the child learns that the world is not safe. He believes that in order to survive, he must take care of himself, controlling everyone and everything in his little world.

That is why it is so important to have you become the only one who takes care of the child in those first weeks or months (or longer depending on the child) home. The child needs to learn that you are not leaving, that you will be there each and every time they have a need and cry out...a child must first attach to a single caregiver before they can properly attach to anyone else. Attachment parenting is a great way to do this...as is keeping their world very small...cocooning.

A hogar/orphanage baby is more 'at risk' for potential struggles with attachment. I have a DD who was in horrific conditions prior to her adoption, we never ever had a signle attachment issue with her...she has been home over 4 years. MY DS was in a great orphanage...it compares to any daycare in the US...he was just 8 months old the day before we got him...and it took almost 2 years to get a breakthrough with his attachment...and he should have sailed right through his transition.

***ETA***Based on the age of your child, you will most likely see a dependency bond...baby's instinct is to survive and baby will know that he needs you to survive...but that is not a true attachment. Attachment is a process of ups and downs, forward and backward movement that all the experts agree takes about two years to form...but a child can move thru this process without huge issues. Also be aware that there may be a honeymoon period where the child appears to be fine...that typically lasts about 4 to 8 months. After that time if behaviors begin to appear, attachment is a good place to start.

Prepare now...just in case...because you will not know how your child will transition until you are home...and if they struggle there are some very simple things you can do to ease them...and yourself through the struggle.

[kimberlyann68]

Our son lived in a hogar for 11 months. He came home in June 2006. We've had no attachment issues at all. He knows who mommy and daddy are. He attached to me right from the beginning. He's getting closer to my husband the longer he's here with us. I really think it helped that I visited about a month before he came home, and I know he remembered me from that visit. My husband went on the pick-up trip by himself, but as soon as they arrived at the airport, Matthew came right to me without hesitating at all. Every child is different, but we haven't had any problems at all. Good luck.