[dsjjwilson]

Great advice Natalie. Thanks for the link to the website. It looks like it will be very helpful.

[Ms.Judi]

Hey everyone,

What a great thread. My daughter Elaina is almost 9 1/2 months old and still in PGN. I have lots of concerns for my pick-up trip and after I get home. I am a single parent but share a home with my Mom who will be helping out of course. I know Elaina is very attached to her FM and I will have to deal with that when I pick her up. So, thanks again for all the advice. It is greatly appreciated!!!

[alreadylove2005]

Our little one has been home two months. Even though she clung to me and wouldn't go to strangers on the second day with us, she still kept me at "arms-length" in many ways. She gets closer and closer all the time, and I celebrate the new trust she shows every day.

One of the techniques that she responded to most was "mirror-ing". We would repeat any noises or gestures that she made and she loved it. Even now she'll make a noise and then wait to see if we respond, if we do she smiles and keeps going with what she's doing. Just a check-in to see if we're still there and still love her, I guess.

The other think she loves is the "Maya Wrap" carrier. It lets her be close to me and at 20 lbs, I can carry her for hours without pain.

Janet

[Niclayson]

I'm glad that this thread has been helpful to you all. I have had many PM's on this!

I just didn't want to sound like an alarmist....but on the other hand when I came home with Trey I felt very isolated and alone. Everyone posted about their "instant attachments" and wonderful, perfect experience....and I was left to wonder "well, what is wrong with me and my kid???"

I came to find out through the support of this forum that MANY adoptive families go through initially difficult bonding periods. I also think that although most of our bonding issues were obvious, some were covert. If this wasn't my third child and I hadn't been a nurse for 16 years, I may not have been so aware. I could see things that "just weren't right."

As I educated myself on attachment issues in infants and toddlers, I came to understand that many children "deny" their pain and seem perfectly fine. Then months later it comes out in behavior or nightmares or other sleep problems. Some of the reading was difficult and there were things I didn't want to know because they were painful. But I know that I am so much more aware of my son's current needs and more aware of possible future issues related to his adoption.

Again, I'm always here if anyone needs an ear to listen....or a shoulder to cry on!

[ncmom24]

I am the mother of 4. Three are bio and my last adopted at the age of 2. I wanted to add that even bio kids can have attachment issues. My middle daughter had many of the signs of attachment disorder and I struggled in the beginning to make sense of what she needed from me and how to best interact with her as my first daughter was the polar opposite. My adopted son came home at almost 2 years old and attached immediately with minimal issues.

I just wanted to let others know that this is not just an adoption issue but that many kids are born into families that also have attachment issues. I am only saying this because I feel that if I didn't have a mix of adopted and bio I wouldn't realize that children are so different from each other even when they are biologically related and often I feel that I have to be a different parent to each child based on their own personality and what works for them. My personal belief is that some kids are susceptable to attachment issues no matter what their birth circumstance and other kids are born with a resilience that helps them attach.

I am happy to say that my middle daughter is very attached BUT that being said she is still the least socially motivated and the one most likely to march to the beat of her own drum. She is also hysterically funny and I completely respect that she will speak her mind.

I am glad that you were able to work through the attachments issues. I am sure that was hard on your daughters to understand.

Tiersa

[bblb]

Well said, NCMom!

Thank you!

___________________________________

Brandii

Can't wait to begin our adoption process...