[devildogwife]

Well, DH and I have started the paperwork for our homestudy (we're adopting from Vietnam) and came across these questions:
At what age do you think you should tell your child about their adoption?
How do you plan to explain to the child about their adoption?

My thought was that you start at a young age (assuming you're adopting an infant or toddler), and keep things simple. Simplify the story for whenever they ask. By children's story books that explain adoption on a child's level. Am I on track with this? Any suggestions on this, ages, books, etc?
Leah

[lockharts]

Yes, YOU ARE RIGHT ON TRACK!!! That is what I did. There is a fabulous children's book called "A mother for Choco" by Keiko Kasza. It is a very simplified story of a baby bird named Choco trying to find a mother that looks just like him. He looks everywhere and doesn't find a Mom that looks like him. He becomes sad and mother bear takes him home to her house where he finds that she has a house full of adopted children( animals) and they don't look like her either. But they call her Mommy and they are happy. He asks if she will adopt him too. She says yes. They live happily ever after. It is very sweet and simple. But it helped my sons to know that it is ok for them not to look like me. I can still love them just as much as any other mommy.
Hope this helps.

PS ~ our sons knew they were adopted from the time they were toddlers and could speak. They didn't really understand it until they were much older. They have truely come to appreciate all we do to adopt while waiting two years to bring Memo home.... That was a priceless education. For all of us.
Good luck and God bless.

[DeeVee]

Yes, simple books and stories that are age-appropriate are great.

I love "A Mother for Choco." I read it to my bio son when we talk about "when Carolina comes home." Another one I like is "Rosie's Family" by Lori Rosove and Heather Burrill. And I'm sure there are many others.

Good luck with your paperwork!

[Guatmom2006]

I think you begin talking about it as soon as possible. It's not like you sit down and drop the bomb one day. We plan to talk about how he came to us, just as any parent talks about the birth of a biological child. He will know his life story just by hearing us talk about it, then as he gets older of course, we'll go into age appropriate details. I am hoping that by going about it this way, we can raise him to be proud of his life story and where he was born. I too have bought some books although I haven't found the perfect book yet. I guess we can change some details when we read them to him though.

[devildogwife]

Thanks for the suggestions everyone! I'm definitely going to look into those books. Any more suggestions?

[au06]

we found the book "Over the Moon" by Katz - it is a story about adopting a little girl from Guat. Our daughter loves it and used to think the baby in the drawings was actually her. too funny but she actually pulled out the book and found the page where they were packing to check that we had everything for our recent pick up trip.

[Kaz99]

We got a great book - Tell Me Again About The Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis - as a shower gift from a friend who adopted her baby girl (now 4) from Guatemala.
-Ran

[mcburg]

I was given the book "I love you like crazy cakes" and I think it is a great book for telling about adoption. I also know parents that celebrate Adoption Day every year just like a birthday, I plan to do the same.

[Slatond10]

I also think it is beneficial to create your own book with pictures of the birth mother (if you have it), referral pic, foster mother / family pic and pictures of the visit trip / pick up trip and home with forever family. Identifying each person in each photo with the name or "label" because I would not know the names of each of the foster family members in the pictures.

Laminate so that it can be looked @ frequently. This way your child has their own adoption story book!

Just a thought!
My DD LOVES HER FAMILY BOOK! She may not understand adoption @ 22 mo but she does know all the players... which will make it easier to discuss adoption as she gets older and does understand.

[noelani2]

All of my kids have known they were adopted since they can remember. They grow up knowing, and then it is never a surprize to them. They can start learning as babies, and then they will increase their understanding of it gradually, as they grow up. Things like the books that have been suggested help them come to a positive understanding of what it all means.

I think, with kids of a different race than the parents, it is even a little easier to have them grow up always knowing they came into their families in a different way than the majority of children they know. With kids the same race as the parents, like with my first two boys, most other people don't know unless you tell them. However, the general public knows that children of a different race are adopted.

Best wishes on your adoption trip to Viet Nam! As the daughter of a US Marine, who served two tours in Viet Nam, in the 1960s, I grew up thinking of Viet Nam as a frightening, dangerous, place. However, I have learned from friends who have gone there to adopt that it is really a beautiful country!

[annaguat]

We make a picture book of their adoption and talk about it from the moment they are in our arms. Our oldest children that came home by adoption are teens. Anna

[chriscinger]

We brought our son home at six months, and I started telling him his adoption story as a bedtime story from the start. He is now five, and tells me the story of his adoption. My husband also wrote a poem about his adoption, and we printed it and framed it, and it hangs in our son's bedroom.

[chester5]

The books that the PP's listed are excellent recommendations. We've been reading the "Choco" book to my bio kids, as we're waiting for our referral. We also like the one "We're different, we're the same."

[TLC]

Happy Adoption Day-
It is a very easy reader. My 3 year old loves it.
It has ethnic children, airplane trip, packing, and a party with all types of friends at the table.
It has a young baby boy whose look could be Guatemalan, Korean, Hispanic even Vietnamese.
TLC

[dancingmyrtle]

Tell your child from the moment he/she is placed in your arms. Books are great but I never had any and I did just find understanding. Just make sure your child knows that he/she can come to you at any time with questions, that they don't have to wait for you to bring up the topic.