[lionbird]

Ok, so I have been reading about attachment parenting and plan to wear the baby as much as possible, maybe bathe together, maybe sleep/nap together... hubby and I will change diapers...how am I going to get away with not letting my mother feed this child... I know..cause its my baby and I said so..but what is your experience with this... will it make a significant difference if I let her feed him?

[KKR213]

I thought I would have the same issue but I explained the importance of letting my son know who is main caretaker was and part of that was feeding and changing. My mother understood and didn't push trying to feed him. There are plenty of other times when grandmothers can hold and play with the baby! And my mother took every chance she could!!

Good luck!

[CarmJoeMom]

I bet my reply isn't going to be popular but I very much plan on letting my mom feed my baby (well once I have one!!! haha).

We are extremely close to my mom, as are my children. I want them to bond with her. I will have the baby in my house, in my care 24/7 (I am SAHM), and I think the once a week that my mom sees the baby, feeding her won't do the baby that much harm. If I feel it's ruining our bond, then I'll have to do something about it, but I think we'll be A-OK

[TwoBoystoLove]

My Mom is in her late 70's. We are very close! She felt our pain and stress through this long process. I let her hold our son often. I don't think it has hurt him one bit. You mention "Grandma" to him and he lights up. (It could be the homemade cookies he gets when he visits also)

[DD Amasa]

I also plan on letting my mom, brother, sister and nieces hold and feed my son as often as they like. There's no such thing as being loved by too many people and I hope he bonds with my whole family and feels loved and secure with them. He'll know I'm his mom. But he'll also know he has a whole family that loves him.

[annaguat]

I wished my mom could hold my babies. She passed away less then 7 weeks after their referral. She lived long enough to see their referral pictures, video and my happiness over these precious little ones. Maybe your mom could hold snugle and change diapers while you only feed the baby. Or maybe she could feed the baby facing outwards to you. I hope she understands. Hugs, Anna

[carrie2adopt]

I also plan to allow my mom to feed her. My mom is my best friend, she's a huge part of my family and we currently live together (while my house is up for sale in another state). I want her to be extremely close to my mom so I have no issues with her feeding my daughter. I really enjoyed watching my mom with my daughter on our visit trip and I know they are going to be very close no matter what I do :-) and my daughter will be very spoiled I'm sure, but that's what grandma's are for.

[truegirl]

I do not have an infant I have a toddler and let me tell you have I heard about not letting ANYONE else hold my lil girl. Well I just could not do that. If we are in closed private settings I will allow in mom or my mom in law hold and play with Mia, but if and when she says she wants Grandma over me she has no choice but to come sit with me. BUT if we are in large family gatherings or say in Walmart I am the only one that she is allowed to be with as I want her to be with me, and I do not want her to scream and cry if I have to take her away from Grandma in public. That is just the way we do it. She has only been home a short time, since Sept 20th, and as an almost 3 yr oldattachment is one of our main concerns but she knows who mommy is and when she gets hurt or scared or upset she still wants mami.

Just my 2 cents.
Nichole

[saranbr]

I was careful not to let everyone hold our daughter, but never restricted my folks. My Mom held her and sometimes fed her when we were over-- which was often since they live next door and I had to get out of the house for a change of scenery with my screaming-most-of-the-time seven month old that HAD to be held ALL the time and weighed 17#. Well, by 3-4 wks she wouldn't let anyone (grandparents or otherwise) lay a hand on her without screaming. She certainly wouldn't eat for anyone by DH or myself. It took her a LONG time (4-5mos) to start letting Grandma feed her again. Today at 18mos she is very attached to us and LOVES her Grandparents. At the mention of them she starts going for the door and pointing up the driveway !

[tricecm]

When we adopted our first, we had 3 bio kids at home. We had heard about having our child know who their parents are. We had a talk with all family and told them about this, and said that we wanted to have them give us at least a day at home in private.

We took one day and then tried just to watch it.

We noticed that our daugher was equally friendly and loving to us, our parents, her siblings, strangers in the mall...etc. It was clear that she hadn't recognized us as her parents. Her pediatrician was concerned. We were the only ones who diapered her, fed her, rocked her to sleep, etc. But others would hold her sometimes. We just wanted to establish that while others loved her, we were her caregivers.

It's hard for a little one to know the difference between a parent and other loving adults when they've just been taken from their primary caregiver. If the issue was simply establishing ourselves as primary caregivers, that would be our own ego and not that important. The actual issue though, was attachment; and that is no small thing.

Just pay attention to how she interacts with the adults in her life and adjust as necessary. Although I am not qualified to say this, I suspect that a feeding from time to time won't give her RAD. But, if you need to adjust and reclaim feeding time because you suspect she is not attaching to you, your mom will likely understand if you tell her how important it is. Mine did, and she can be a pretty intrusive grandma.

[GuatMommy2Be]

This is something my husband and I discuss ALL THE TIME. We are just baffled as to what is going to be the right course of action for us, and our baby. We will know more of her personality when we visit, but as of right now.. we are just trying to wonder...

Right now, we have two scenarios...

1) We have immediate (parents, siblings) over to meet Kiara the weekend we get home. We limit the time 2hrs (or they will NEVER leave.) And let them hold her.... I'm being very admandt that they not feed, change, soothe, or bathe her. At least get to spend SOME time with her.

2) Have the welcome home party the first 2 wks we are home, let everyone meet her then lay low for the next few weeks.

I know our family is very interested in Kiara, waiting, loving, etc... But sometimes it appears some family members think Kiara is a school project that everyone gets to take care of..

Honestly, it depends on you. I can get overwhelmed fairly easily.. then add on 2 grandmothers, 2 aunts, etc telling me what to do, hurry up, etc. Kiara is my concern, but she also needs a Mom that isn't stressed and overwhelmed.

[lionbird]

wow..you guys are awesome..definately have given me a lot to think about.

Thanks!