[dspakowsky]

On the subject of "things that make us uncomforatble", here's something that makes me upset and I don't really know why.

My friend has a six month old baby, and at a large weekly play group she's ALWAYS talking about breast feeding - "it's the best, MY child deserves the best, I would never give her formula, it's the best way to bond..." Then the mothers go on and on about their breast feeding experiences.

Then, I get an e-mail from my friend sent to the play group. She's offering for free her unused/unopened cans of formula she got at the hospital. Then to top it off, her permanent signature line for her e-mail account is signed with "Breast Milk Rocks!"

I know she doesn't intend to hurt anyones feelings, but it really irritates me. I almost wrote her and asked to be removed from her e-mail list, but I didn't. Can anyone relate? Maybe I just feel left out, since I didn't breast feed my children. Has any other moms felt this way about this topic? I'm sure there's a MIL or two out there who's commented on this.

PS - I know that some adoptive moms breast feed, but I wasn't going that route.

[CarmJoeMom]

I can SO relate! I have 2 bio children and I didn't BF. I didn't even try with DD, and with DS I did try but he would latch on and then go to sleep. Then I'd take him off and he'd scream because he was hungry! He was what was called a lazy sucker. I tried for one week and then pumped for 2 weeks. My milk never came in with pumping so I decided to call it quits.

I beg to differ about the bonding. My two children LOVE their mother. My 2 year old and I are just as close as anyone I know that BF. I was bonded with both children from the start.....and I don't feel I love my son or am bonded with my son as I was with my daughter, because he was on my breast for a bit.

These comments do bother me. ** is GREAT and I would be proud if I took the commitment to BF, but it's not the only healthy way to go.

[AnasMama]

Maybe you could put the following in your signature...

"Mine are still perky!"

[Tammy2005]

Jodi, lol that was cute. Tammy

[judymend]

OMG!!! How funny was that Jodi!! I second that!! Yeah!!!

[Tamiswaiting]

Originally Posted by Ana's Mama

Maybe you could put the following in your signature...

"Mine are still perky!"

ROFLOL!

[jillbee]

I think he would call people like your friend lactofacists.

Jill

[CashCrew]

BAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA Jodi!!!!!!!!!! That's HILARIOUS!

Ok I tried and couldn't breastfeed my first child, for whatever reason. I probably could have figured it out if I had tried harder, but I didn't...simply said. After him I felt sooooo left out by all the breastfeeders and in the end felt like I had cheated my son (who was sick all of the time) by not giving him "healthy breastmilk". The worst part...my daugthers came along and I breastfed and they were never sick. I felt so unbelievably guilty every time my oldest son was sick and got myself into a horrible rut because of it. Finally a friend of mine let me have it. She told me to stop moaping. I love my son and I do the VERY best I can possibly do for him and that's all I can do. I'm obviously not going to breastfeed our little guatling, but I'm going to try really hard not to let it bother me and focus on the things that I AM doing for him or her. We just do the best we can do and that's all we can do. We are good mamas or we wouldn't care enough to join a board and just talk nonstop about our kids, right??

[katlyn]

I just had to jump in here and say that not all women who breast feed are that....thinking of the right word here....."in your face" with it. I am a mom of three and I breast fed all of mine, but I'm also a believer in do what you feel comfortable with...it's not my position to be lecturing anyone on what is best to do with their baby! I also supplimented with formula...and what I've heard from doctors...pediatricians AND lactation consultants...you aren't a bad mommy just because you choose not too. Some women...like myself however...have a hard time when breast feeding doesn't come easy, my last one had several issues which made my supply never fully come in. I envy those women who can take it or leave it! MOM'S ROCK! (all of them!!!) Perky??? What's Perky???

[JohnnaMJH]

It may be worth sending a note reminding her that not everyone can breastfeed, for all sorts of reasons, low supply, child can't latch on right, Mom needs medication, or child is adopted. It sounds like she's just a little too enthusiastic and hopefully she is just not thinking about how it could be hurtful.

HUGS,

[Foradoption]

Ahh, don't let it get you down. All of the above posts are on, there's no right or wrong, we do the best we can and an infant can be perfectly healthy on formula, which provides them with a lot of nourishment. Years ago, formula was "in" and not breastfeeding, it seems like our society cycles through what is acceptable and what is not.

[nurse_reedle]

I just wanted to say that I am breastfeeding my adopted child. Maybe I am "in your face" with it, maybe I am not. I do try and educate people about breastfeeding and adoptive breastfeeding. Most people are very interested when they hear that I am breastfeeding my adopted son. I personally feel like bresatfeeding is the BEST but I don't feel like it is the only way. Just for the record :-)

Proud Breastfeeding Momma to My 16 Month Old Son!

[DPline]

More power to those who can and do breastfeed, but I can sure understand being uncomfortable with her being so "in your face" about it. I tried to breastfeed my bio son and it just did not work for either of us. At the point the lactation consulatant at the hospital admitted that it just was not working and I should consider pumping and then bottle feeding, I decided enough was enough. He is now 8 years old, NEVER gets sick (Now I have jinxed it! He'll be home sick within the hour!) and is most definetly bonded to me.

Don't let her get you down! There is no right or wrong decision regarding breastfeeding. Only YOUR decision.

[waiting4james]

People who have an easy time with stuff, or think it's the best thing since sliced bread tend to always think it's the same for everyone. Reminds me of the lady who tried sooo hard to get me to sell a cosmetic - it gives you self esteem, you make great money... blah blah blah - yeah but I have to wear an ugly jacket and go to people's house to sell them overpriced stuff! My self esteem is just fine without the special jacket thank you!

Juan Carlos was 27 months when he came home, so he didn't need the b00b or formula. My baby Luke was in the NICU for a while, and I had the flu and couldn't see him for a week so try as I might - it wasn't working for us! I would spend an hour trying to nurse him (had to get a shield because he couldn't latch) and he'd come off hungry, so I'd give him formula, then pump to try to get my supply up. Some people say that's all they do... it really WAS all I did. I finally decided that for everyone's sanity it wasn't going to happen! I'm sick of people making me feel bad for it, my son's a chunk on his formula and is a total mama's boy. Unfortunately the short time I was trying to nurse, even with very little supply, my boobs have lost a little perk - DRAT!

I like the perky boobs comment, so maybe you could sign your e-mails, perky boobs and dry shirts - FORMULA ROCKS!!!

Chelsea

don't know what happened... sorry if I double post here.

[tricecm]

Here's my take on this---

As a parent, you are going to see this attitude "my way is the only right way to parent" in many different forms. Here are a few samples:

1. Everyone should expose their child to music lessons. It is the only way that kids can be well rounded and not turn into stupid jocks.

2. All moms should stay home. Moms who aren't stay at home are working to serve their materialistic nature and do not prioritize the well being of their children.

3. All spanking is child abuse. Even the parent who uses the occasional swat on the bottom is guilty of child abuse and should have their children removed.

4. I can't believe you allow your children to eat McDonald's Happy Meals! I know you say you only do it once or twice a month, but it adds up and you are probably doing it more than you realize.

I could go on and on and on (actually, I already have). These are just examples. My point is that I think that parents are one of the most judged populations we have. Everyone knows how someone ought to be doing something, and some folks just want everyone to know that they are more right than others. Barf.

As parents we need to do 2 things---First--come up with responses that do not defend ourselves (because that reinforces their idea that we were inferior to begin with) but that firmly establishes our standards. Second--get thicker skin. Because everyone knows better than we do how to raise our kids.

I think I would email something to the entire group that says something along these lines:

"Offering your formula is a great idea. If you are aware of others who are choosing to nurse their children, and are able to do so---please encourage them to consider bringing their formula to a local food shelf. Food shelves frequently are asked for assistance this way, and the cost of formula makes it a request difficult to accommodate. Please also consider donating to your local WIC office so your local county health department can help women with lower incomes afford to feed their children.

Please however, in the future, be aware that phrases like "it is the best way to bond" or others like it are opinions, and are not able to be verified. As an adoptive mother, I am aware that many people are not able to breast feed. Of course there are drugs that could induce lactation for adoptive mothers, but if the purpose of breast feeding is to offer a natural choice for parents to feed their children, how natural is milk from a mother full of hormonal pharmeceuticals?

As parents we need to support each other. Can we --on this issue as well as on others---try to refrain from statements that minimize or put down other's parenting decisions?"