[CarmJoeMom]

Did you choose to adopt a girl? If so, did you have any guilt about it?

I currently have a son and daughter. I am pretty sure that DH and I are going to prefer a girl. I really want a sister for my daughter. But I know Guatemala is known to have more boys than girls available and that makes me sad. Did anyone else feel guilty about their decision?

[MNStarr]

We requested a girl as well. For us our reason was that my middle name was a family name that has been passed down 6 generations and I was the one to keep it going. Since we didn't know if this would be our only child and because my sister has girls we requested one. Towards the end both Dh and I started having second doubts as to wether or not our reasoning was right. Not that we didn't want a girl just the child meant for us. Just as we were about to call our agency to say that we would be open to either gender they said a girl was available. DD is a perfect fit for our family and the family name got carried down so we definetly got the child for us. I do think its natural to second guess or have doubts, just do what you feel best.

[airstar98]

But, I love my girls! It's sad that the boys are harder to place and they are so cute. I just wasn't sure as a single mom, if I was ready for boy. My nephews were both fire crackers when little, but my nieces were little angels. I know all children are different. I didn't really care at first and was open to a boy or girl, but in my first attempt to adopt, the birth mom had a girl. I prepared for a girl and felt that loss when the birth mom changed her mind. I think that's why I really wanted a girl this time. I do wish I could have a boy too, especially, when I hear all the stories of how loving the boys are towards their mothers. I'm Hispanic and I think culture may play a part in this. If I wasn't already adopting two babies, I would definitely pursue adopting a boy, too. I'd do it now, but I know three babies would be too many for me, by myself. I did foster three older boys, a few years ago. They got adopted by a great family.

[Mindybeth6]

I have wanted to have a SON and a DAUGHTER my entire life. We were blessed with our miracle baby, my son Alec, four years ago but were not able to have any more children. It was never a question. DH and I wanted a girl. We chose a girl and never looked back. And I can tell you we prayed for our daughter the entire time we were paper chasing...knowing that she wasn't born yet...but "there." When the call came and we saw her pictures....we knew she was our daughter. THe first time we held her in Guatemala we knew she was the perfect fit for our family. I truly believe God places the right children in our lives no matter what gender we choose. Had we not had a son already, we would have been open to either gender. It was a personal choice and one that I do not regret. I already cannot imagine my life without my daughter in it.
Hugs

[WVUMom418]

I have a 20 year old son and a 3 year old daughter, I feel like my son grew up as an only child and I wanted my daughter to have a sibling closer in age. We picked a girl hoping that they would grow up to be best friends (now I know that brothers and sisters can be best friends and there is nothing to say they won't fight like cats and dogs). We also had the hope that we would be able to pass Gabby's clothes down to Mia, which so far has worked out fairly well.

[dolphingirl]

I feel sort of guilty too. I have a stepson so I've been through a lot of the "boy" things... and I really wanted the experience of raising a girl. Hopefully, we'll end up adopting a little boy as well at some point... time will tell. It is just hard in my heart to know that I will be waiting for a referral when there are beautiful little guys already standing in line.

[SisterBear]

We have a bio daughter and really wanted a sister for her. I LOVE being a mom to girls and no, I don't feel guilty!

Lana

[havensd]

When we discussed gender, we initially thought we would request a boy. However, the more we thought about it, the more we were drawn to girls. This will probably be our only child and in my experience I have found that girls tend to be a little closer with their mothers as they become adults. A lot of times boys grow up and get married and just naturally tend to be more involved in their wives families than their own. Maybe because us women are pushier, or I am anyway! It just made me sad to think that if we had a son, that I might be considered the "Mother In Law" rather than the "Mother" at the wedding and the birth of a grandchild. I'm sure that most of my thoughts and feelings were over reactions and I'm not saying any of that would've happened, but that was one of the reasons why I was more drawn to a girl.

[AngelQT]

I have no guilt.... But then, I am told I am spoiled and I always get what I want... Actually, I want 1 of each... But, I started with a daughter because, ever since i was a little girl, I know what I was going to name my daughter.... GUESS what.... I didn't name her my name.... I picked a completely different one... So I guess, I need to have 2 more kids.... HAHAHA

AND, we have MOSTLY boys in the family!!!

Here are the names:

Angelena Christina - (see above picture)
Krystal Nichole
Michael Anthony

[StefB]

I can relate. I DID request a girl, one major reason being that I'm single and it just seemed more sensible (A couple of other factors also pushed me towards choosing a girl).

Part of me definitely felt bad about the passed-over boys. And it would be more in keeping with my personality to "let fate decide."

I made my peace with my decision by just concluding that it is OK that adoption has a "fringe benefit" -- the ability to choose gender.

I am very happy with my decision;I received a referral of a precious baby girl on Sept. 8th. I feel like I have indications that she is the "right" baby for me. For one, in the referral pictures she is wearing the exact same dress as one I had already bought for her here in the U.S.

Best of luck. I have found that following my heart has been the best rule throughout this process. Just listen to your heart. You'll know what to do.

Stefanie

[ManyTimesBlessed]

We wanted a boy and so that is how we started out (Lillian just sort of happened later - God's little "surprise" for us). I think we will probably tend to lean towards boys in the future (we are planning to have a large adoptive family). We love boys!

But, on a similar thread to this one someone mentioned something that made me feel better about the trend towards girls. The poster pointed out that girls, if not adopted, have a much harder life ahead of them than boys do. In a third world country, a girl with no family has no future and will often end up in a life of prostitution. Boys also may end up on the streets, but they are likely to fare better than a girl.

I hope that makes sense. I don't understand the leaning towards girls that most people have, but if that is where your heart is then I don't think you should feel guilty about pursuing it.

[dspakowsky]

We've requested two girls, but sometimes I feel guilty about it. With the Hague around the corner, if those boys don't find homes - then what? Very sad.

I just really felt that God was telling me we had two girls waiting for us. Now I feel we have two sons waiting for us. We'll see.

[mummi2be]

Whitmire family - gosh I hadn't thought of that re girls on streets.

I am still undecided about girl vs. boy. Knowing that there are more boys available than adoptive parents will make me feel guilty if I choose a girl, but I will probably end up adopting both a girl and boy. I do feel as a single that there is pressure to adopt a girl, even 2 SW I spoke to said basically something along the lines of 'you don't want to deal with heritage and adoption issues and the fact it is a boy with no dad' that really upset me - who said adoption and heritage were issues anyways. So I have some long thinking to do. I would love either, and I don't want to choose a girl because society expects me too!
Good topic...

[Saya]

I don't think you should feel guilty about following your heart. But I do think an interesting question is WHY so many people want girls. Is there some underlying fear that boys are harder to raise? I mean, many people here have completely understandable reasons for wanting a girl (i.e. wanting their daughter at home to have a sister close in age, or being a single mom feeling like a boy would need a male role model). But wouldn't you expect just as many people out there to have preferences for boys? I dunno - I respect people's individual decisions, but as a larger issue it does make me a little uncomfortable.

Disclaimer - we too had a slight preference for a girl, because we wanted to name a girl after my husband's mother, who died when he was a child. But our agency does not allow you to select gender - or rather they only will if it's for "family balancing" reasons. I really respect our agency's position on that. So we were ready for either, and were basically expecting a boy since we heard more people out there request girls. But - surprise! - we got our little girl. You never know. . .

[Julaine]

Ok ! For all of you out there who keep saying that girls are harder to raise than boys I just want to make a comment ! I have never raised any boys but I have raised two daughters most of the time as a single mom and there is nothing easy about it ! Three woman - hormones run rampage in our house. My oldest was a daddy's girl when she was little and now with daddy gone she feels very misplaced! I have always heard that girls were daddy's girl ! My hubby had five sons before my girls were born and they were his joy ! I think boys and moms have special bonds as well ! We want a little boy ! I have raised two girls and would love to have a son ! Actually I want to adopt three ! One girl and two boys ! Any one got some extra money ! ha!ha!