[lmitchem]

I too am adopted and wouldn't change it for the world. I love my parents!! Me being adopted is the circumstance that got me to them...its not who I am. Yep, being adopted makes you different but thats not always a bad thing. I have a brother that are my parents bio child (I never use these terms unless I'm explaing my story ) I've never felt less their child then my brother. My parents told me about my story when I was 5 and how special I was and trust me I believed them just ask my brother!! Don't let some peoples experiences ruin it for you and your child. Just remember that this is YOUR child...thank God for the lady that gave birth to this child....but thank God for you, the Mother that will take care, love, nurture this child. This is my opinion only but I think some of the angry adoptees are because they've always had it drilled in their head that they are adopted. Yes, you tell your child but then leave the door open for the child to come through it and talk to you about it...not forceing it on the child. We know we're adopted...we (just saying we...my opinion only) don't need or want to talk about it on a daily bases and if we do we'll come to you. We want to be normal kids, loved by our parents, respectful of where we came from but thats just a place, and so happy where we're going..through life with you.

Lisa
Happy to be Adopted!!

[InionGrinn]

What totally great posts here!

Tiggysgirl, you are doing the BEST thing for your children by educating yourself about all facets of the adoption experience. scary as it may be . I think the worst thing to do is to put blinders on and say "oh, this wont happen to me or my child".

All of us parents, of adopted or biological children, have these fears from time to time- I think it springs out of our love for our kids. I know myself I get scared when my five year old (biological) daughter and I lock horns about something, that one day she'll grow up and say "what an awful mommy I had"! One day at a time, this parenting thing!

[Tiggysgirl]

There have been so many times over the last 2 months that I've felt blessed by this group and the women here (and all the forums). It is a place that has so much information and experience. Thank you all so much for your input.

Funny thing is that though I was so upset by this last night (and it's still a concern) I never once thought of not going through with this. I know deep in my heart that Ben and I will be great parents.

I suppose I do get conflicted about how we are becoming parents. Not because I'm not a supporter of adoption (and have always been), but more because I worry that an outsider may look at our family and think that we or someone else related to our adoption did something unethical. It saddens me beyond belief that there is a woman out there who is currently pregnant and planning to hand her infant to someone else ... for whatever reason. And at the same time I am rejoicing because soon we will be parents. It is an enormous weight to know that my joy will be at someone elses sadness.

I believe fully in the balance in our world and I know in my heart that out of every negative, there is a positive. It's just hard to be hit in the face with that so personally.

Thanks especially Brandy for your words. I'm so sorry that you've gone through the pain of poor parenting, but you are such a blessing in understanding that it was their fault as parents, not your fault as an adoptee. I'm betting they would've been bad parents bio or adopted (lol). Thanks so much for sharing.

My hopes are that all of us here have a peaceful, ethical adoption and find the unique ways of our child to make him or her understand that they are a part of our family in good times and bad!

[TheFoxx]

I think it's all about who raises the child. Biology or not. I hate my biological mother (got her out of my life when I was 8 years old). My father remarried a wonderful woman who is, in every sense of the word, my mother.

I can identify with the angry adoptees. Most of what I have read - they have had horrible lives with horrible people acting as their parents. Adoption just adds to their anguish. Why would someone go through all of this only to abuse and/or neglect a child? I don't know but it does happen and that's why there are people who are adoptees and angry. I challenge anyone to show me an angry adoptee who posts, my adoptive parents were wonderful, treated me like a king, loved me, provided for me but I hate them anyway because they stole me from my real family. The stories are usually horrific tales of abuse and neglect and questions of was I really better off with these people?

Just my 2 cents.

Brandy - you are amazing my friend

[ps2005]

This made me think of my mom & dad's best friends (who are more like family to us.) They have a son by adoption, and to an outsider, it might seem that this family arrangement had everything stacked against it.....he is 23 years younger than their oldest biological child, he is biracial and they lived in a very small UNintegrated town (I am talking NO african-american residents at the time), he had a stroke at birth that left one arm & leg partially paralyzed, and on the list goes. He grew into a brilliant, handsome, popluar young man with the most charming personality! He really is a favorite wherever he goes, but they always worried that he would feel "weird" or "less than" because of all the differences he had to deal with.
Anyway, he began college this semester and in his speech class they had to give a speech on themselves & their life story. Imagine his mom's surprise (and delight) when he called and said, "Man, after listening to all those stories, I am the only normal one in that whole class! My life is pretty boring." Hahahaha
What an encouragement to me to not worry about adoption negatively impacting my child. I know there will be painful times, but that's life. Everyone has issues to deal with and it's all normal!

Hugs,
Ashleigh