[spokanemom]

Well unless Zach get out of PGN this week or next week it looks like we will have to do 2 pick ups trips.( Please keep Zach in your prayers so that this won't be an issue) The two trips could possibly be 2 - 4 weeks apart. For our 2nd trip we would fly down for the minimum amount of days possible but that still would be 4 or 5 days. Olivia will stay with my mom while either I go or my husband and I go together. How will this affect her bonding. Me fear is that she will just be getting used to me and then me leaving could set us back or have her distrust me. What do you guys think. Am I worrying about nothing or could I do something to make me being gone easier for her? Should my mom help when she first comes home in participating in her care so that she won't feel adbandoned when I do go? What is your advise?

[shellysarita]

Can you take her along to pick up Zach? While this may not appeal, IMHO I think this is the best option. And yes, the separation could really be difficult on both of you, especially after you get back home.

Praying this decision won't have to be made because Zach is out!

Love, Shelly

[DPline]

Would it be possible for your husband to stay home with Olivia while you pick up Zach? Or your husband go by himself (or with your Mom) to pick up Zach? Or, and this might just be too involved, but maybe both of you go and take her? I think so much of the decision will depend on how she is adjusting when she gets home. My husband ended up picking up our son with my Mom because Lauren was just finally, after 3 months, getting into a really good sleeping and eating routine, and I didn't want to chance taking a step back with another child coming home.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

[Julaine]

I would think it would be really hard for her for you to leave so close to her coming home. I think I would either have your husband or your husband and mother or some other arrangements for picking her up ! I just think it would be really hard for her your leaving so soon ! Have you thought about an escort ? I know these take a little longer but it may be a good option for you all !

[au06]

no advice from me but I will continue to pray that Zach gets out of PGN soon so you won't have to decide.

[mummi2be]

I think if she was newly home I would take her with me! Especially if you and dh go, then you have someone who can take care of her needs while other is with zach

[jeannecr]

I have been in Guatemala with my son for two weeks now. He is the same age as your children. He is attaching very well to me, and if a stranger picks him up, he immediately looks at me for reassurance. I can't imagine how it would break our attachment if I left him for 4-5 days. I would take her with you, or send DH down by himself.

[kacmom1]

If it were me...I think the best option would be for either you or your husband to stay at home and the other fly to Guatemala. I don't think it would be good at all to leave your daughter so soon. I'm afraid that it would really upset her so soon after coming home.

Here is another option: Could you just stay in Guatemala for the duration and wait for your son? Or could you arrange for someone else to travel with either you or your husband to Guatemala? Would you consider an escort?

I had to travel without my husband (he had emergency surgery right before it was time to travel). I left on a Mon morning and was home on Wed night. The Guat adoption coordinator from our agency went with me to help me out with all the paperwork etc.... Maybe that could be an option too.

Good luck! You must be going crazy trying to figure this out!

[angelkisses0102]

Personally, I would not leave her with your mom...while it may not cause a problem...there is no way to know in advance. Find a solution where if at all possible you stay home with her or worst case scenario, take her with you. It can cause an issue in some babies...why risk it?

I would not want anyone to have to live with a lifetime of second guessing themselves as I do...every. single. day. for a simple mistake in my judgement...my son and his attachment issues and now possibly PTSD... Long story very short...I should have fought harder to make an ambulance ride with him 10 days after he came home. I never left his side before or after that in either hospital but in that 30 minutes, I believe whole-heartedly, something happened to his trust in me...

[spokanemom]

Thanks for the advice. I never thought about bringing her on the second trip. Sometimes the easist answers allud me. I am not sure if my husband well even be able to do the 2nd trip. He is a college coach and the season starts on MOnday. We are still trying to see if this would be a possibility. My husband could help out my mom if he stays here but could never care for her all by himself because he is needed at work. He might be able to see her for an hour or two a day, but couldn't do it all day. He works 13 hrs a day 5 days a week and several hours on Saturday. I am sure how well that would work anyway. She will probably not know him terribly well though with all the hours he will soon start working. Thanks for the advise and prayers.

[nina03]

Perhaps you and your mother could go on the pickup trip, taking your daugther with you? That way your husband wouldn't be away from work and you would have an extra set of hands while in Guatemala.....

Good luck!

[Disneycrazed]

I was also wondering if an escort would be something that you would consider if you can't take her with you.

[TwoBoystoLove]

We have just started the escort process for our second son for a lot of the same reasons. Don't want to leave him-Difficult to take him. I've been told by my agency it should only take a couple extra weeks for paperwork. And although money is not an issue, it is turning out to be cheaper to escort than to travel.

[saranbr]

If this were my situation.... I would either take her along to get Zach or send DH to get Zach. I agree with your concern that she may be set back attachment wise by you leaving her for several days. I'm not of the mind that you will do irreconcilable (however it's spelled) harm to your newly adopted child if someone else lays a hand on him, but I do think that leaving for DAYS isn't exactly going to help the process.

[readytobeamommy]

I would not leave her.....it is too soon and yes it could affect attachment.....I agree one of you go or send your mom to help your husband.........