[TheFoxx]

And how did you approach it?

Thanks!

[MicheleB]

I don't think there was really an age for us. Our oldest is 4 and he understands how we flew to Guatemala and picked up his baby brother and sister. He understands he was born in Guatemala and we flew there to get him just like his silbings. We talk about Guatemala all the time and how we became a family. We just incorporate it when it is appropriate, but we don't "dwell" on it, because we don't want him to feel "different" either.

Just my opinion.

[Bexter]

We've talked about it ever since Eric came home. That includes grandparents, friends, etc. I want him to grow up always knowing it. There are some good storybooks out there that explain adoption - "A Mother for Choco" and "Love You Like Crazycakes" come to mind.

[srspiv]

I have always talked about adoption with my older son. Way before he could understand what it meant, he knew the word. We have books about adoption that we read as well.

He also has several friends who were adopted and he knows that. And, of course, he was very interested in his brother's process.

I think it is important that they hear the words early, even if they have no idea what you're talking about so it will never seem like a surprise.

[cmc]

My son came home at 6 1/2 months, he is 2 1/2 now. We always talked about Guatemala (it was one of his first words), flying to pick him up, him growing in his birthmom's belly, we use the term adoption etc.

When we read adoption related books (I love you Like Crazy Cakes is one we have been reading lately), I point out the similiarities to our process. It is always very casual, comfortable conversation.

It is part of his vocabulary and we will incorporate more details as his gets older.

[riverview]

DAY ONE! is when we started

[annaguat]

From the moment they come home. Anna

[chriscinger]

We brought our son home at 6 1/2 months old, and I started telling him the story of his adoption like a bedtime story. He is now almost 5 years old, and sometimes asks me to tell him the story. He knows that he is the little boy in the story. We talk about Guatemala, and he knows where it is on the map, and that that is where he was born.

My dilemma now is at what age do I show him a photo of his birth mom. He knows that he was born to another woman, but I don't know if he fully understands the concept. I asked the SW who did our home study for our second adoption, and she thought he was too young to be given this information. Any thoughts or experience with this situation?

[mommytoEli]

....from the day ethan was born, we have talked about being adopted. It is fun adopting eli b/c ethan is watching us go through the process and it gives us lots of good opportunities to talk about ethan's adoption too. My favorite way to talk about adoption is to read Jamie Lee Curtis' book Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born. I like to tell the story and talk about the night we met ethan. I agree not to dwell on it, but it also needs to never be a secret....one of my favorite times that I brought up his adoption was a couple of months back. We were driving and saw a sign that said his birth city on it, and I said to ethan, "oh hey ethan, that's the city you were born in. That's where mommy and daddy came and met you for the first time." And he said, "I'm not from there, I'm just a cow." Ok.......another time I was telling him a story and was about to say, "and then a judge said we get to be a family forever...." and I got out, "and then the judge...." and ethan said, "judge judy?" ok......so he doesn't always get the point of what I am talking about, but I just don't ever want to forget to talk about it and then have him be like, "what the heck, I'm ADOPTED???" Luckily....all of his bio-siblings and siblings in our home are all adopted....so being adopted is just a normal part of life in our house. And that's what I want ethan to feel like, like being adopted is just normal and it is a part of who he is.

[ROSEMARIE DUGGAN]

Hi,
I just want to share my experience with you. We are on our 2nd adoption from Guatemala, my darling daughter is 9 1/2 yrs old..we tried to tell her when she was 6 1/2 yrs old, & she did not understand..but a while later, she started asking questions about her skin being a little darker than ours, & her hair is also darker..so we told her...we realized that she kind of understood..when we started process for our 2nd baby (darling son) she finally understood that he did not grow in my belly, so she asked about herself...when she realized all this she asked why? so my darling husband explained my baby maker in my belly was broken, (you have to explain things in a simple child like way) it finally clicked!!! when my darling husband asked her how she felt about it? she was just fine!! AS LONG AS THE CHILD FEELS LOVED, SAFE, & SECURE IT WON'T MATTER!! he or she knows who her parents are, they are the people who cared for him or her all of their life, so don't worry it will turn out fine, & you will find the right way & words to explain..Take care & God Bless!!

Rosemarie

[Sandy Harboe]

From the moment Tristan came home. Now we will say where was Tristan born, and we talk about Guatemala. We say it with excitement that now when we say Guatemala he starts to run and clap his hands. He will aways know that even though another Mother give birth to him, he was born in Mommy's Heart.

[lisam00]

We have talked about it from day one. We read books about adoption, talk about Ava's first mommy, and about how we flew on a plane to Guatemala to pick her up. We also talk about her foster mom and look at pictures of her. Ava is only 20 months old but we feel it's important to have open conversation. If I ask her where she was born, she says "Mala!".

As an adoptee myself, I believe it's important to discuss it from day one. I don't ever remember being told...I just always knew that I was adopted. When I was a child, my parents talked a lot about how badly they wanted a baby and how they waited and prayed for me. I thought I was so special and I felt sorry for the biological kids!

God bless,
Lisa

[kacmom1]

Luca has been home with us for a little over a year and he was 2 1/2 when he picked him up. We do talk about adoption with him...it's not a secret. We show him pictures of the pick up trip and of his life in Guatemala. He likes to look at them and talk about them.

I know that since he is only 3, he is not grasping the "total picture". Just bits and pieces. So, we are very basic and just answer the questions that he asks. There have been a few times when we've changed the subject because I think the adoption talk may be bothering him. For instance, one day, Luca was playing with some friends and he came over to me and jumped on my lap. He said "mom, i don't ever want to go back to Guatemala". I told him that he would always be with us and that we would never take him back. And then he asked, "was I all alone in Guatemala?" I reassured him that he was with someone who loved and cared for him until I could get to him. It's a hard thing for kids to understand and I think you just have to gear your discussions to your specific child. You'll know what they are ready to hear and understand.

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I actually had to try to explain this to my mother's boyfriend. He wanted to know when we were going to tell the boys they were adopted. (I know this is the Guat forum, and I adopted thru foster care, but wanted to share) They look an awful lot like us, so it woudl be pretty easy NOT to tell them. But not only was that never an option, but our family is too big and in each others business too much to keep a secret like that.

Anyway, I told him that they would always know. We wouldn't have to "tell" them so to speak. He insisted that they would have to be told so that they would know. I didn't know how else to explain it to him. I simply asked him "at what age did your parents sit you down and tell you that you were a boy?" He was kind of taken aback and said "they didn't have to...I just knew". To which I replied "EXACTLY!"