[AnasMama]

Okay, call me selfish, but this is not EXACTLY a moment I would like to share with DH's X. If our pickup date falls on a week that we have the kids, all is well, and we can get a relative to watch the kids, but if SHE has them !!!! She has already made it known that she would like to be invited to my shower! Which would be totally awkward for myself, AND my friends! DH thinks that if she shows up, she will find a way to make the event "all about her". I thought about just not telling her until the last minute, and when we do, tell her that my Mom would LOVE to pick up the boys and bring them to the airport. I can just SEE her trying to find a way to show up! What is a nice ( or subtle ) way to let her know we do not want her there.

[Pipercub]

Well, my advice is not subtle, but it is for your husband to tell her that she will not be coming to your shower, but that you all appreciate her enthusiasm. And leave it like that. Don't leave room for her to possibly think that she can come. Make the expectation that she will not be there very clear. But I tend to be a direct kind of person, so maybe someone else will have a gentler suggestion.

[ej-momtobe]

I agree with Piper's response. DH just needs to be direct with her, saying that it would be awkward for you if she were to attend your shower or go to the airport and that you would appreciate respecting your wishes. If you think its appropriate, he could say that she will have a chance to meet the baby the next time she drops off/picks up the other children.

[Travelkid]

I agree with both responses - nip it in the bud! Next thing, she'll want to be invited to BD parties....

[Tammy2005]

I agree, this is where it`s time for hubby to step up and just kindly tell her that this is a time that the two of you would like to spend alone with the children. He can tell her that there has already been plans made on who would meet you at the airport with the kids. As far as the shower why would anyone send her an invitation any how? this isnt an event she belongs at. Tammy

[AddisonsMommy]

OR just don't tell her when your pickup trip is. Well, she'd have to maybe know some details if the older kids' care schedule is involved, HOWEVER....

Just don't tell her the day and time of your return!!

It will all work out....just be persistent and FIRM!

Jen

[AngelQT]

I like all the above!!!

Here's another:

1) tell her a different airport
2) tell her a different date, time and place for the Babyshower!

She may get the hint by then!

Just kidding!

Your Dh needs to step up to the plate!

A little cheering him on wouldn't hurt either!!!

Hugs

[Bizzie]

you are right to feel the way that you do, this is your special occassions, and you have every right to not want her there and she should not come unless she is told she can.

I also agree with the fact that your DH should step in and tell her that this isn't her thing, and she is not to come.

These are two imes when your should feel the happiest in the world, not upset or worry about her showing up and what she will say or do. There is enought to worry about getting ready to not need that added stress.

[stephjoel99]

Oh, Jodi. Yeah, that would be no fun to have her x-ness in attendance at your shower and/or at the airport.

BTW, however you end up handling it, in a sick sort-of way, it's nice that there is a pleasantly dysfunctional thing going on for your step-sons. My parents are divorced and friendly so even though it creeped everyone else out, it was nice for my brother and I.

[AnasMama]

BTW, however you end up handling it, in a sick sort-of way, it's nice that there is a pleasantly dysfunctional thing going on for your step-sons. My parents are divorced and friendly so even though it creeped everyone else out, it was nice for my brother and I.

LOL!!! My parents too! I try to be tolerant for the kids, so I just end up holding my breath sometimes! Every now and then I tell her to back off, when I have had too much. I have one of the sweetest husbands in the world, but sometimes, he is just a little too nice!

[bamagirl]

Jodi -

Tell Joe to handle it. He knows that she will make it about her and it's all about ya'll and the boys. Tell him exactly how you feel and make it known now that your Mom or someone else WILL be picking the kids up to meet you at the airport. It's a family event she's NOT invited to.

[JoyS]

Ok - You are not going to believe this, I was just discussing my very own similar situation with a friend who happens to be on this forum too! She emailed me your post and I am happy to know that I am not the only one with a crazy X situation.

Except it was my Ex-Husband and he was going to keep the girls and bring them to the airport. Luckily for me I had an easy out. It is a long trip for him and he was taking off of work - so I have made other arrangements and he was happy about that.

But we went through the thought process and it would be just too weird!!

Much Luck to you - I agree with all the suggestions. Just make it known and don't sweat it!! It's your day Momma!

Joy

[Leebert2]

I agree. I don't think it should come from you. I would have dh just tell her that it is not appropriate for her to be there.

Lisa

[Tinkrbel]

I have an idea...
Print this thread and mail it to her!!!!

LOL

Hang in there!!

[Yelena]

Jodi, I feel for you! I've been dealing with DH's ex for almost 10 years now, and she is real piece of work. She and I started out on friendly terms, then it degenerated from civilized to barely tolerant of each other to what we are now -- completely ignoring each other. Long story -- but I can PROMISE you it's not me, it's her!! Even her own kids think she's a "dysfunctional train wreck," as put by her 19-year-old.

Her bitterness and jealousy has kept her from wanting anything to do with the baby. She barely acknowledges our baby's existence, and if she does, it's only to remind DH that he has prior, more important ( ) obligations to the 3 girls he shares with her. Juliana's been home for 3 months, and DH's ex has never seen her. I'm trying to keep it that way. In fact, they won't have any reason to meet until one of her girls gets married!

So, just think about how much worse it could be -- at least it seems as though you have a civil relationship with her! Good luck. These situations are never easy.