[GuatMommy2Be]

What worked for you and your baby when you got home? How did you AND when did you introduce the family?

[Mom2Isabella]

We brought Isabella home on her 6 month bd. She adjusted as if we had always been together...thankfully. I would say the first day we were home(we flew in late at night) that all the grandparents came over. She seems to be one of those kids that so far will go to everyone without crying. She does look for us to be atleast in the room.

Every baby is different, and I guess you have to gage it on how you think they will do. Isabella was fussy the very first night in Guat, but fine there after. I would have held off on the company if I thought she was not doing well with the change. Hope my rambling on helps.

[tooskis]

We told everyone in advance that we wanted a couple of weeks to ourselves and that we just wanted to lay low and not go anywhere to help our son adjust (he came home at 13 months). It sort of worked...A lot of family met us at the airport which we said would be fine. Then my parents ended up staying with us for two weeks because they flew in from another state for his arrival. We ended up venturing out (to the store, etc.) because he seemed to be so well adjusted so quickly that we didn't think it would hurt. It didn't phase him at all and he is still doing just fine. I think you have to gauge how you will do and how your child will do and then make your decision on what's best for you. I recommend letting everyone know in advance what your wishes are for your arrival home. I did it via email, explained why, that it was for our son's best interest and to please understand. I also told my DH to stand up to his side of the family and be sure they understood our expectations (Some of you may understand that in-laws don't always agree and can be critical of the new mom )

One thing I regret is that once our seclusion period was over, we went around and saw all my DH's family. It was a chore. In-laws complain about wanting to see our son but then no one can get off their duffs and come to our house, we have to go to their houses. It is a pain having to tow a child around and I think they should have know this and understood. I have now told my DH that I am DONE catering to his family and there is an open invitation for them to visit us when they want to see our son.

Good luck to you!

[GuatMommy2Be]

Thank you for the feedback. My husband and I have been discussing this topic today, as we have had comments here and there for the past few days. I am going to prepare our families all throughout the process so it isn't a shock when she comes home. For whatever reason, they think we will want to drop her off and leave.

My husband does think having our welcome home party a month after she is home will be good. I also think we will have his parents and his sister over for 2 hours (making it clear, that it is just TWO hours, sometimes they like to stay for TEN hours) and do the same with my family.

My biggest worry is over his sisters kids and my sisters son having tantrums because they can't feed the baby, or won't be aloud to hold the baby for long periods of time. Then I will never heard the end of it....

My husband has already said NO to traveling to everyones house - which I agree! Especially since she will *hopefully* be home in the winter time.

[saranbr]

We were pretty loose about it. Some good friends picked us up at the airport and then my folks came over, brought dinner and stayed a little while when we got home. Our family was really pretty good about the whole thing. Friends were also very respectful of boundries.

I did do things like go to the store, etc-- God knows I had to get out of the house for at least brief periods to maintain my sanity! I always put her in the front carrier facing me or the sling so she was not accessable to others.

Church was another story. They are the worst-- people I hardly know wanting to hold her (and the front carrier over a dress and in the pew...just not doable!). I never offered her to anyone and probably, in retrospect, shouldn't have let any of them hold her but did briefly and only when I was right there. However, self preservation kicked in and by the third week she screamed at anyone but us!!

If I were bringing home another baby or young toddler the only thing I would really do differently is church-- NO one holds her period. But live and learn...

[lotterino]

We had my family (mom, dad, bro, sisses) meet us at the airport. The airport is 3 hrs away from home and it was so nice to have family there excited for us and also to drive us home since we were so tired. We did let family hold her at the airport and restaurant afterward for short periods of time. My husband's family live farther away and they came a few days later. That worked out great since we had a little time to settle in. I wouldn't necessarily recommend overnight company right away, but it worked ok for us. Everyone understood that we were the ones to hold her, feed her, and comfort her.

It was Christmas just a few days after we arrived home so it was pretty impossible to seclude ourselves, but we made our outings short and sweet and didn't allow anyone else to hold her. She was not the first adopted child in my extended family, so people understood to give us space and not ask to hold her. Church was a little challenging for us too, since everyone was so excited for us and wanted to see her and hold her. But we didn't allow anyone to hold her there either. We did things that way for a few weeks or more, and we plan to do things the same way for #2. Azaleah was very young (4 mos) when she came home, and I anticipate our second to be a bit older so the bonding period will be even more important. Each child is different of course, but don't underestimate the importance of those first few weeks & months together.

[LuvMayaBaby]

II am having trouble with this issue. I am single so it is hard to put my foot down, especially with my parents who have helped me with this process. Last week I shared my wishes with my mom that I would be the only one holding, feeding, bathing and changing her for the first couple of weeks until I see what kind of personality she has. Then I would gradually let family members only hold her so that by the time I go back to work she will be adjusted to them as well. My mom freaked out about it and said I must let my grandma hold the baby right away. My mom and I have NEVER fought but I'm feeling the need to stand up to her and be firm. Have any of you dealt with this and what worked for you? Thanks for letting me vent! Marleah

[DD Amasa]

I would never prevent my friends and family from holding and fussing over my child or helping to feed him or change him. I don't understand where this idea that only the parents should hold these children is coming from. I know so many people who have adopted and they have never heard of this. It must be a new idea floating around from so called "experts". I find it appalling.

[LoveLayna]

I think it depends on the child, and the age of the child. When Layna came home at 6 months old, she was happy no matter who was holding her. We had friends and family meet us at the airport and she was all smiles! The social worker had put so much fear into us that no one should hold, feed, bathe, change, etc. so that she would attach to us. When I had this discussion with my family, they were offended and didn't understand. They finally agreed to do whatever we wished, but it turned out it wasn't necessary. Since she was so young, she was fine. A couple weeks after being home is when she wasn't so happy for strangers to hold her, or even family that she didn't see everyday. She took longer to warm up. She definitely knows her Mommy and Daddy and has attached to us perfectly. I think she came home at the right time, so we didn't have to restrict her. We had friends and family stopping by almost every day after we got home. You can't love a baby too much, and the more people to love them, the better. I would see how your baby is doing and go from there, but Layna led the way for us, and at the time, it was OK w/her

[kacmom1]

We had a quiet meeting at the airport (we arrived at 10 or11pm). Since I went alone to pick up Luca, just my husband and my 4 bio kids met us when we arrived. Luca's face lit up when he saw the kids and within 10 minutes he was running around the airport with them.

The next day, he played with the kids (I let them stay home from school) for a few hours in the morning. Then my mom came to visit, then my inlaws, then my brother, his wife and kids came, and then the friends, and then the neighbors....no one could stay away! Luca was fine with everyone being there. He interacted with the kids and even ventured off of my lap a little. Everyone was so excited to finally meet him and they were all very good about giving him some space. Luca did fine! I am glad that we did this the way that we did.

[posh]

I just want to say we wouldn't restrict our bio kids to family and friends. However I can see a few restrictions if the child coming home is older maybe. I think keeping people away from them would make them on the shy side later. it might make them not trust some people they should be able to trust. just my opinion though.

[Julaine]

When my oldest daughter was born I was pretty much alone with her ! Single mom and her dad worked out of town so no one was around her much except me from the time she was born in November until when I was able to go out with her alone in January . I was very picky about who held her and stood right beside her when they held her. By 6 months she was a happy well adjusted social butterfly and any one could hold her and she went to anyone ! Second daughter came home and wanted nothing to do with any one else not even dad ! I had to do everything for her or she would scream ! She was that way until she was about 6 years old ! So I think you have to know your child's personality ! Some one posted that they had never heard about not letting people hold their adopted baby but we have talked about it and even though our babies are older when we bring them home it is like bringing home a newborn ! And that is how we have explained it to people ! I would not stress my newborn out with a lot of company around or being passed around at church and so I will react the same to my "new" adopted child. Our adopted children have known someone else as mom until we get them and I think it is important they have some time (and that amount will depend on them) to bond to their new mom and new family before they are passed around !

[Julaine]

Posh - I think shyness is a personality thing a child is born with ! It all really depends on your family and what you are comfortable with ! I did not let people hold either of my girls as newborns and one was a little social butterfly and the other was very very shy ! Funny thing is now they are 15 and 18 and they are both very friendly and much more outgoing than me ! I think your personality will determine whether you want a bunch of others holding your baby or not !

[LadyTink]

We brought Gabriella home at 5 1/2 months. We did have a big crowd meet us at the airport, but we told them beforehand that no one could hold her. She did very well with all the excitement there. Once we were home, our parents came to visit and we did allow them to hold her, but only after she'd warmed up to them. We still were the only ones to comfort, feed, or change her, though. We really restricted our visitors for about 5-6 weeks and we actually took her out rather than them coming to see us. I still was careful about not passing her around or letting many people hold her. I really think you have to go by what your baby can handle. They are all different and some can handle more socializing than others. And trust me, they'll let you know what they can and cannot handle.

[jkdaly]

Both grandparents, Aunt and big brother/sister met us at the airport on our arrival home with our then 6 month old daughter. We were coming down entrance way and my then 16 year old came running over to get her new sister and carry her the rest of the way to everyone else who was waiting and wanting to hold her. We had her out and about within two days of being home, she went to my work, my inlaws again and was passed around for all to hold-she did well and had no problems with anyone wanting to hold her. Guess you have to do what you feel is right for your family and what works for your child. It does not seem to be anything different than when you bring a new born home, everyone has waited nine months to hold and love the new one, just like the waiting we have to do with adoption-everyone has waited just as long and are just as excited to finally have him/her home for good and they too want to be able to hold/love etc..