[cheychey]

I'm right there with all of you. My dh's family and my extended family did not take it well. My MIL would only say negative stuff to me and my BIL went on a 45 minutes rant at me how I was ruining my dh's life and that he was going to talk sense into my dh. My cousin, whom I was close to, just put the whole thing down at first.

Now that we have a referral of a beautiful toddler girl, my MIL did't speak to us for weeks (she wanted an infant). My BIL hasn't spoken to us, yet. And as for my cousin, she feels if we are going through with this, she is going to call the shots. She wants our daughter's name changed to what she wants us to call her and she will be the person to introduce all of the "firsts" to our daughter. I have said my peace to each one and just moved on.

[mom2L&D]

Okay, I have to chime in on this one...the response from my family is great so far but the in-laws are another story. It is really no surprise though because they didn't show any support during our first adoption of our beautiful boy from Russia so we didn't really expect anything better for this adoption. We are adopting a beautiful baby girl from Guatemala. So far my MIL has said: 1. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT IS GOING TO COST? YOU COULD BUY A NEW VEHICLE FOR THAT MUCH MONEY. 2. THERE ARE PLENTY OF CHILDREN IN THE US THAT NEED TO BE ADOPTED WITHOUT GOING SOMEWHERE ELSE. 3. I WILL ONLY HAVE ONE GRANDAUGHTER AND SHE IS ALREADY HERE SO THAT's THAT....and the list goes on and on. Needless to say our contact with the inlaws is very limited to about 2 times a year and that is plenty enough for anyone. Just the other day my MIL was talking to my SIL (her daughter) and my wonderful SIL (who is very supportive of our adoptions) was telling her what we have decided to name our baby girl and my MIL response was, "HAVE THEY GOT HER YET? WELL I STILL THINK IT IS SUCH A WASTE...THEY NEED TO ADOPT HERE." My husband and I decided a long time ago that their opinion did not matter to us and if they didn't like what we were doing then stay away. I guess I am through venting for now because my list could go on and on about the MIL.

[mountainmama]

Well, it has pretty much been the same w/my in-laws. My mother-in-law is deceased and my father-in-law remarried and we didn't have much contact with him after that anyway, but they aren't negative about the adoption...they just don't come around. My mother-in-law would have loved having our son, so that makes it really hard.
The way I look at it is that they are the ones losing out. My son has so many grandparents at church and so much love from my parents that he doesn't miss anything. The sad part is that my son doesn't know my husbands father as his papaw....he has only seen him about 5 times in 1 1/2 years...

amy

[CashCrew]

Originally Posted by mom2L&D

1. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT IS GOING TO COST? YOU COULD BUY A NEW VEHICLE FOR THAT MUCH MONEY.

I've heard this even from well meaning people (and my unaccepting inlaws) and it AMAZES me that anyone could EVER compare a child to a car.....4 years later and the car is worthless!!!!! A child is forever and PRICELESS!

2. THERE ARE PLENTY OF CHILDREN IN THE US THAT NEED TO BE ADOPTED WITHOUT GOING SOMEWHERE ELSE.

I got this from my mother as well. I explained that yes there are children here in the US that need homes, but #1 the US makes it so hard to adopt our own children and birthmothers practically ALWAYS have the upper hand even after final adoption. #2 it's nearly impossible for a family like us, 4 biological children, to be chosen by a birth mother. Most importantly #3 our hearts are in Guatemala...that's where God is calling us...bottom line!

[metro93]

I can totally understand what everyone is saying. My inlaws were shocked when we told them (we have a bio daughter) and they wanted to know why we didn't try to have more of our "own". My mom was the worst as she "didn't want us to do that to our daughter". Do WHAT?? Bless her with a sibling? Let her see that her parents want more children??? They have all started to come around. My inlaws more so than my mom. My dad is quiet but supportive. My sweet (seriously) MIL and FIL love to see pics of our son and have his pic on the fridge now. Extended family is great. It helped getting the referral. As for the cost, I said we pay for the attorney, not the baby. I still have the feeling that my mom would want to help with decorating the room and buying stuff if my belly was growing instead of my heart. Just hope she changes when he gets home!

[CareBears82]

Our's won't take place for a few years, but the Inlaws and my parents are very intrested in it. At frist my dad was a bit reserved, but after seeing my best friend's son (the day after he was home forever) my dad fell in love with the little guy.

My friend on the other hand... Her parents really took well to the idea and were instantly in love with little man from the first refural picture. Her FIL was also supportive of it. Her inlaws are divorced. Well her MIL who is a witch with a capital B to begin with started flipping out. She was not supportive at all of it. When someone would mention it she'd change the subject.

Now that he's home she acts really fake twards him and still deffently favors her bio grandchildren. My friend said that she'll never be able to take him by herself again. The one night my friend let her, little man who is potty training had an accident. She made him walk around in wet clothes for 4 hours. She wasn't even going to tell my friend when she brought him back. My friend picked him up and could smell it. Then her neice blurted out "Yeah he peed his pants right after we picked him up." Nice grandma hun?

[redru2004]

I've been pretty lucky when it comes to support from family and friends. It took my mom a little while to get excited about the adoption, really until we got our referral. I think once she saw Lucas she was instantly in love with him, it just wasn't real to her until she saw him. My MIL on the other hand, before we decided on Guat would tell us every horror story out there. I think in reality she's upset because I'm not giving my husband a biological child. My grandmother who I'm very close to also stated to me "Oh, so you're going to have an Mexican baby" to which I stood shocked with mouth agape and not sure how to respond. I've got a few aquaintances that have asked me time and time again, why adoption is so expensive and "you would think they would want to place these kids and therefore it should be a lot cheaper" I simply point out that not one of them would bat an eye to spend $30k on a vehicle, why in the world would they when they get to be a parent.

[PetDragon]

My Mom has always said that the reason she waited until my Brother and his wife invited her to visit after the baby was born before visiting was that as the MIL she didn't want to intrude on her DIL assuming instead that she would want her mother there rather than her MIL. And that she would get to enjoy the entire experience when it was my turn. Since both my brother and I were adopted, I wasn't really worried about telling my Mom we were thinking of adopting a baby, and when we talked about U.S. adoptions now versus the completely private adoptions she did in the 60's she even was 100% understanding on an International Adoption.

I know I'm quite lucky in that aspect, but I have to say as great as all that is... she also just seems to have a distinct lack of enthusiasm for the entire event. *shrug* Maybe since my brother now has two kids and she's been a Grandma for over 13 years the novelty has worn off for her. Depressing to me, but what can ya do?

Now my In-Laws... that's a different duck altogether! I called my FIL and his 'new' wife and had a lovely long talk with him. He thinks it's great, he has no issues at all with either the adoption nor the international aspect of it so no stress there. However, my MIL I did NOT call to talk to, I leave that to my DH who decided to E-Mail her rather than call. DH and I had been dating about 2 weeks when I first met his Mother she was all smiles and sugar and after the hello's and welcomes she sent him to get something for her from another part of the house. Once DH was out of the room she looked straight at me and said. "He's already gotten one girl pregnant and I already have my grandchild from him so any kids you have wont be my grandchildren."

Now, you might think she was just being protective after DH's previous fiasco dating, but trust me that is not the case, she's nuts. Our wedding was a nightmare and basically anytime over the past 15 years of our lives together that we have been near her she says something equally rude mean or just plain insane. So the E-Mail was sent and I very diplomatically told him I don't want to know what she says on the subject at all. Mostly to save myself the argrivation and stress.

[stephjoel99]

Alright, I think most of our MIL's went to the same MIL training camp.

Mine cried and started wailing, "Nobody asked me what *I* thought about this before decisions were made!!" Um, you never needed me to ask permission to "get busy" with your son for the bio kids, Grandma.

[Guatmom2006]

Well, we Americans wonder what's going wrong with our young people. Apparently we are teaching them that vehicles are more important than children. People!

[joepegcamp]

We're lucky in that our family is supportive of our decision.

Yesterday, however, one of my best friends told me that I was "buying" a child.

I told her that if she referred to our future child as a commodity one more time, it would permanently harm our friendship.

Then I calmly explained to her where our fees were going: to the lawyer, to the agency and to the foster mother who is sheltering our child until he or she comes home.

She's planning on going through fertility treatments next year and will spend close to $20,000 before it's all said and done. So I asked: Will you be purchasing your child, too?

That did it. She apologized and backed off.

[Hopingsoon]

I've been completely blessed with positive reactions from both family and friends. If they've had any less than positive thoughts, they managed to hide them well.

This will be a first grandchild for my in-laws, who are in their 80's, so they are very excited. My parents never thought I would have kids, so the adoption came as a bit of a shock, but a happy one. The look on my dad's face was priceless, I've never seen a smile that big. My mom renewed their passports so they can come with us to pick the baby up, and has been taking Spanish lessons and trying to learn about the culture.

[Slatond10]

As a single person, I did not have the MIL issue but my Father ask "If I had lost my mind and gone crazy?" Both parents were un-supportive when I first brought the subject up. Of course in their defense, I had discussed the subject for about 20 years and done nothing. Although this time I was serious.

Once they realized my commitment they came around and supported me totally. My Father visited with me and my Mother went for pickup. They both fell immediately "in-love." How could they not!

My Father is racist... and on a mission trip recently he let slide a racist comment about "mexicans." The couple they were riding with have an adopted grand-daughter from China. And the sweet Gma ask him if the comment applied to his grand-daughter. Needless to say he felt like he had put his foot in his mouth all the way up to the knee cap! Because he ADORES my DD. He is constantly bragging about how beautiful and smart she is. AND She adores him to. I answer the question about a 100 times a day ... "Where is my Papa?"

I am so blessed that he has good friends that will help me get him in check in a nice way!

[melissa41]

I am really floored by some of these stories but I guess I shouldn't be. We are just beginning the process and have only told our parents and siblings. So far, so good but I bet we too will have a story to add to this before too much longer. Sad, isn't it? Luckily, all of you (and me as well) have this forum to support each other and vent as well.

Melissa

[nina03]

It was my mother and her family that were not (and continue to not be) supportive. Andrew has been home over 1 year and my mother has only seen him a few time. She lives about 2 miles away. For some reason, she cannot get past the fact that he is adopted and that, somehow, we decided to adopt to hurt her. Must it always be about her??????????????

My father (parents have been divorced for 25+ years) is very, very supportive as are my in-laws. My MIL adores Andrew, and she is planning to go with us on our pickup trip for Nicho too!!!