[kmf1524]

As I contemplate adopting a sibling for my daughter, I wanted to see if all of you with 2 (or more) children could share with me what you felt was the biggest change/challenge for you when you went from one child to two children and how did you handle it?

I am single so I know that adds another dimension to all of this- but I'd appreciate everyone's thoughts.

Thanks!
Krista

[whereintheworld]

Great question! As we are moving down this path, I am looking forward to the responses!!!

[moelladeville]

Krista,
Glad you are still thinking this through. You know how I feel. Two was immensely easier than one, because it is no longer all you, all the time. Call me if you want to talk in more detail! I don't think you'll be sorry. Biggest challenge was affording full-time day-care tuition for an infant and a toddler!

PS Stop at two!

[WVUMom418]

I have a 20 year old that was raised as an only child, I felt like he missed out on having someone to play with and have a closeness with so when we had my daughter I wanted her to have a sibling that was close.

My bio daughter is 3 and there have been some difficulties that we've had to get past. The most difficult thing is that we brought Mia home when she was 14 months old. Gabby didn't get a chance to get use to a little baby being around, instead we brought a little one in who had just started walking and was getting into all her toys. The hardest thing for me is right now both girls are fighting for my attention, they literally try to push each other off my lap. I keep telling them that my lap is big enough for both of them but they each want my total attention.

I love seeing them playing together and walking holding hands. They are going through a phase right now where they want to wear matching outfits. All of this let's me know they are forming a bond and it makes me so happy. But during those times when they are pushing each other down, pulling hair and just plain being mean to each other I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that this too will pass.

[CareBears82]

I am an only child and have to say... A lot of times when growing up I felt lonely. Yes, there were kids my age in my area and my best friend lived across the street. But when we went on family vacations it was just me to play with myself. In some sences I felt I grew up early because of this.

Depending on the age of you child I'd recomend taking care of a relitive's child with yours for the weekend. See how that goes. And if you do deside on a sibbling for you little one than the closer you get to the sibbling coming home take care of the other one more so they'll be in the habbit of someone new. If you are considering a baby then maybe get a baby doll and treat it as real.

[moelladeville]

To build on Care Bear's post ... or, you could try a friend's child out! I have three you can choose from!

[Julaine]

My girls are teens now but they are just three years apart. I was a single parent when they were born because their father and I did not marry until they were older ! I included my older daughter in on everything so she was prepared for her little sister when she was born. Her biggest frustration was "when is the baby going to wake up and play with me ?" My girls have their days that they fight but they are each others best friend. The biggest problems I faced was little things like grocery shopping - infant in the seat part and toddler in the cart and then where do you put the groceries ? ha!ha! Up all night with newborn breasfeeding every three hours and then toddler awake and ready to go at 7:00 AM, trying to go places with both of them. I did not drive then so I had the toddler by the hand and carried the infant and diaper bag and everything ! Thank goodness for a good stroller ! But the blessings far out weighed the other things ! My favorite picture is one of little sis "holding" baby sis on Saturday morning while the two of them "watched " cartoons ! Baby sis always lite up when she saw big sister ! I would not change a thing ! My worry now is that we will only be able to adopt one Guatemalen child before Hague because of finances ! If we come up with the money we are going to adopt two as fast as possible so that our son will have a sibling his age !

[kmf1524]

Thanks to all who shared your thoughts. Anyone else care to chime in?

Thanks!
Krista

[KarynB]

I found the hardest thing the expense of two - two sets of soccer/softabll/swimming lessons...once they were in school then september became a month of stress - the milk program now cost $80 vs. $40, etc.

Not that i am saying it wasn't worth it - it certainly was and now we are waiting for #3 - but it was (and is) still hard.

Also - the dynamics of the family are just completely different....not worse, just different...definitely busier. Hareder to find toime to spend with just one child or the other...

but i agree with earlier post - easier because they are each others best playmates, even though they are quite far apart in age and one boy/one girl.

[riverview]

we are going in less than one years time from 2 to 3! A little more hectic, one on one strategy now, but manageable. Give yourself an extra 30 min per trip though! How about us, we are now outnumbered@!

[annaguat]

I fully agree with you on that two is easier then one. Anna

Originally Posted by moelladeville

Krista,
Glad you are still thinking this through. You know how I feel. Two was immensely easier than one, because it is no longer all you, all the time. Call me if you want to talk in more detail! I don't think you'll be sorry. Biggest challenge was affording full-time day-care tuition for an infant and a toddler!

PS Stop at two!

[MicheleB]

I had to laugh at Marjorie's post "PS...STOP AT TWO"

We only had two for 4 months, then we had three. I don't know if two would have been easier or not, but three is definently a challange! Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and wouldn't have it any other way, but it is really tough sometimes. I think the kids have it made. They play together and keep each other busy. It's time for myself or with my DH - basically, there is no time left. So, make sure you give yourself some YOU time - it helps!!

Each month it is a little easier as the babies grow. If I had a choice, I would do it again, but would have spaced the kids out more. Going from Zero children to 3 in 2.5 years is, well, insane!

[waiting4james]

Good question!

I have to second that shopping is hard because there is no space for the groceries! Juan Carlos gets into everything if I let him walk, but complains when he starts getting buried! HAHA poor kid. Have you ever tried to steer those mammoth sized ones with the little seats for toddlers behind the cart? That is a joke! And you still have to fit a car seat someplace else.

I also have to second that, when your baby is up all night and your toddler is ready to go very early, or like mine, also up part of the night AND late going to bed, you will find yourself asking "will I ever sleep again?" on a daily basis!

It is much harder to carry your tantruming child out of the store while also carrying a car seat... done this many times!

I disagree that two is easier than one, but that's just me... I think it's more than twice as hard. Maybe as they get older that will change.

BUT - despite all of this and the fact that we have sibling rivalry (baby cries, no squeels, for Juan Carlos' toys) which started at 6 months old - it is so fun to have two! They just love each other! It is priceless to watch your little one looking up to the older sib with admiration (and sometimes a little frightening when they are learning naughty things!).

It is comforting to know that they will have each other after we are gone. It also ups the odds for grandkids!

I once read, "Having children is like being pecked to death by ducks" and many days I think of this and agree... but the good by FAR outweighs the bad, and I think parenthood pays you back at least ten fold for what you put in.

Best of luck to you! It is wonderful having two... but if you decide to, take a great vacation first!

Chelsea

[josiah1112]

I think once they get older it will be easier because they will entertain themselves.Right now having a baby and a toddler I often wonder how I would do it if it was
just myself or myself and my husband (my mother lives
with us and helps us tremendously!!)

[Waiting4Celeste]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE having two!!!
Our kids are 3 years and 10 months apart and I think it is PERFECT! Jacob is really helpful and into totally different things than Celeste is into - so there is no jealousy - AT THIS POINT! I am sure once she starts getting mobile and going after his things it will be more difficult.
Jacob likes to be involved with caring for Celeste but we NEVER make him do the dirty stuff - changing or hauling diapers to the trash or anything like that. I want him to look at his sister as a fun companion - not a source of work!

My mom is an only child and has told me her whole life that if we have a child, do not raise that child alone without siblings. She had to experience her parents' deaths, and all the details that go with their deaths, alone. My older sister and I are really close, so I always knew we'd have at least 2.

Good luck with your choice. As a friend of mine told me recently (she just gave birth to #4!!) no one ever regrets having another child, but people sometimes regret NOT having another one.