[Waiting4Celeste]

Without going into too many details about what happened... Jacob (age 4.5, adopted from Guatemala at age 8.5 months) told us a very vivid and very inappropriate "story" yesterday but claimed that it was the truth. He basically accused someone of doing inappropriate things to him.
At first we thought he was just making up a story... but as time went by, we stuck to his story and gave vivid details. (although the details of his story just didn't add up to the timeline of what actually happened, so we knew that his story couldn't have been true...there is just NO WAY that it happened since the two of them were never alone together at any point)
After talking about it and sitting down with the person he accused face-to-face, we FINALLY figured out that this "story" was a dream he'd had the night before.
His dreams recently have been VERY vivid to him - including one about 3 nights ago where the Boogie Man was in his room and he could tell me all sorts of details about what the Boogie Man looked like, where he was sitting in his room, what he was saying, etc.

OK...... so the dream thing or the fact that he wrongly accused someone of such a horrible thing isn't what is YANKING on my heart... it is the fact that he described the inappropriate act with such detail that I am wondering WHERE IN THE WORLD did he learn that!?!?!
Matt and I do not watch movies with such content, nor do we speak of it. I just can't figure out where Jacob learned about this. We will be talking with his preschool teacher to see if this topic has come up at Preschool.

I just can't believe that it just popped into his head on its own... am I naive to think that little boys this age don't know about those types of acts?

Any ideas out there? Have any of you had your child tell you an "inappropriate story" that had no basis in reality? I just pray that this story was something he had repeated from someone at preschool and that nothing actually happened to my sweet Jacob. He is with us ALL the time, except when he is at Preschool, so I just have to wonder if that is where he picked it up.

My heart (and my head) hurt just thinking about it...

[kerrib]

I would speak with a professional about this. I don't have any experience but it seems unlikely that a four year old child would have such vivid details about something like that without some kind of first hand knowledge. Maybe he finally said it was a dream because he thought you didn't believe him. Is it possible it could be someone from pre-school and he said the wrong name because he was afraid?

I don't mean to scare you any more than you already are, but I would seek professional advice and maybe have Jacob speak to someone about the dream as well. good luck. this is a very frightening position to be in.

[praying4rlittl1]

Cindy,
You are doing the right thing by checking into this. He has heard or seen it somewhere or from someone. Keep digging and don't give up.

[Tiggysgirl]

Oh goodness. If you are naive, than so am I. At 4.5 yrs old, I really don't think he should know about anything intimate like that. I suppose it all depends on how detailed he went into it. Maybe one of the preschoolers has an older sibling that passed something like that on? (how awful) But, I suppose what I would really wonder is how does he even understand what it all means??

My heart breaks for you and I hope you get some answers from his teacher.

Amy

[MNStarr]

No advice, just hugs for you. Hope you are able to get to the source of this. And kudos to you and your husband for actively taking steps to find where this came from and not letting it go.

[Waiting4Celeste]

Originally Posted by kerrib

I would speak with a professional about this. I don't have any experience but it seems unlikely that a four year old child would have such vivid details about something like that without some kind of first hand knowledge. Maybe he finally said it was a dream because he thought you didn't believe him. Is it possible it could be someone from pre-school and he said the wrong name because he was afraid?

I don't mean to scare you any more than you already are, but I would seek professional advice and maybe have Jacob speak to someone about the dream as well. good luck. this is a very frightening position to be in.

kerrib - these are all things I have already thought of... it just seems so strange for this to come out of no where. I don't want to describe what he had said, but the way he said it, it wasn't sexual at all... just a description of what happened like it was no big deal. He didn't seem upset by it - he was just telling us.
The reason we were thinking it was a dream is because it came to him late yesterday like it was something he had forgotten - you know how dreams can be like that - they pop into your brain often several hours after waking up and they can seem so real?

I'm still trying to figure it out... I just pray it was something he heard second-hand from someone else... and that nothing actually happened to him..... the thing is, I don't know when it could have ever happened. He is with us every moment, except at preschool - and at church, but he never has the chance to be alone with ANYONE. I'm having Mommy guilt now - thinking I shouldn't EVER let him out of my sight!! I even kept him home from preschool today because it bothered me so much that I want him to stay RIGHT next to me all day!

[Pipercub]

My almost four year old daughter had several instances of telling us detailed stories alleging things against people that we discovered/knew were false. But with our daughter, they were never inappropriate contact stories; they usually were things like saying "My teacher took my lunch and wouldn't let me eat anything. She didn't let me go to the bathroom. She threw my lunch in the garbage and said I wasn't allowed to eat." I KNOW this wasn't true because I was observing the class that she said this happened in and it didn't happen. It really bothered me that she was making up stories and could be so believable. I would ask her "That didn't really happen, did it?" and she would say yes. Finally my husband talked to her and she said "No, it didn't happen. I like making up stories and playing pretend. *giggle*" I am so glad I had been observing her class (my daughter couldn't see me) and I knew the story was false or else I would have had some serious words for her teacher! My husband had a long conversation about "pretend" vs. "real" and "lying" vs. "telling the truth." I don't think we had any more incidents like that since. I want her to tell me everything - but when it comes to saying someone did something bad, she needs to make sure she is truthful.

All that to say, I don't know if there was a basis for what your son said (obviously my situation is very different). But I did want to agree that I think pretend and real are hard for little ones to distiguish between. I know dreams can be really vivid and it must be hard for their minds to always tell the difference. I hope you figure out what is the best way to handle it. {{Hugs}}

[Sashinka]

Cindy, I am going to be very blunt about this because your child comes first. You need to believe what your son told you. You need to let him know that you believe him 100%. If he feels that you are upset or worried, etc, he will change his affect/story to fit with your feelings, so as not to hurt you. You need to get to the very bottom of this matter NOW==today. This begins with a trip to the pediatrician. Then you need an appointment with a child psychologist who specializes in sexual abuse matters. He should not know any!! specifics of sexual acts at age 4.5 years, unless he was exposed either physically or verbally. To have a "dream" is not enough of an answer because the underlying thoughts of a "dream" have to have come from somewhere.
Cindy, please begin the process of professional investigation today.

[candkss]

Oh girl...I hope you get to the bottom of this...Now I am worried too....I pray it was just a dream or something he overheard at school...

[CareBears82]

He may have picked it up at pre-school. I know when I was little I picked something up there. It may well be a child in the preschool is being abused and telling other children about it. Like I said when I was about that age I was in pre-school and there was a girl that was being sexually abused. During free play when she'd play in the house area, she'd always force a little boy to lay down and have "sex" with her. This little girl's parents also allowed her to watch either x rated or close to movies. I would deffently talk to the preschool.

[Waiting4Celeste]

Thanks to everyone who has responded - here & via PM.

I am just stunned by this all right now. I have a friend who works with sexually abused children and I have left her a voice mail and I will discuss this with her.

I have also been looking online to gather info and will determine where to go from here.

If it DID happen... I just don't even know how to respond to it. It is overwhelming and heartbreaking. I just HATE that at this age, somewhere someone introduced this to our son and he doesn't deserve to be exposed to something like this at his age. I have a knot in my stomach.....

[lisam00]

I just wanted to say that you are in my thoughts and prayers today.

Please talk to your son's doctor and a psychologist about this. Unfortunately, my family has had to deal with child sexual abuse. When the child in my family told the details, it was shocking and incredibly difficult to hear. I was with her during her exam at the doctor's office and again when she was interviewed by authorities and let me tell you that listening to her story (she was 4 at the time) over and over was the most difficult thing in my entire life.

I don't want to alarm you but he had to hear, see, or experience something in order to know details of sexual acts. Kids his age just wouldn't know such things.

Perhaps another child at preschool told him about something that happened to him/her. In that case, perhaps finding out information from your son could help this other child.

You are doing the right thing by checking into this story. Don't be feeling any guilt. You are a great Mom and are obviously wanting to help your son.

God bless,
Lisa

[WJarman]

Cindy,

Please follow up in any way you can. A friend's 4.5 yr old daughter was molested by a teenage boy while using the restroom at Church. Her story also came out in an odd way, but the details were so alarming they couldn't ignore it. She was able to identify the boy and he is now in prison. This is every parent's worst nightmare, and hopefully you just have a child with a vivid imagination, but for your own sanity, keep digging.

God Bless!

[Julaine]

I very much agree with the above response you need to have him talk to a professional and soon. It is one thing when a child makes up something like my teacher threw away my lunch or the teacher hit me but if he gave you descriptions of a sexual act than you need to get to the bottom of it and find out how he knew those details ! If he is hearing it from someone at preschool than you need to find out who and that child needs to get help too ! Whatever happens though be sure he knows that you love him and that he has not done anything bad ! I am praying for you ! This is tough area !

[BrandyHagz]

When it comes to abuse or allegations of abuse, even when you don’t think there is anything to it, it is always best to do the following:

1. Document the allegations with a professional
2. Contact the authorities and allow them to do their job, investigate the allegation
3. Get your child into some counseling, either to deal with the abuse or deal with whatever may be causing the allegations of abuse.

Sitting by and overanalyzing it is sending the wrong message to your child…not only that, if the allegation is true, its allowing a perp to continue to perp.

It’s better to have pie in your face now and know you’ve done everything you can to protect your child, than it is to live with the guilt later on when you find out it really was something and you didn’t do anything about it.

Authorities know that children have active imaginations – if it turns out that this is the result of a very vivid dream (I have them also) – its not going to do any harm.

Edited to add: I just want to add – abuse can happen right in front of your face and you never know it. When I was about 5, I was abused by an employee of my parents in the backseat of their car while we were all driving to dinner – my parents were right there in the car with us. They didn’t believe me…that sent a strong message to me, as a child.