[Mom2to]

Hi All,

We are still waiting for an unspecified boy or girl referral after a 6 week wait AFTER being 100%paper ready. It is too long a story about why the wait is so long but the question I have for anyone who has gone through a long wait prior to referral is "Is it normal to get completely anxious, second guess yourself etc etc??" My HOPE is that these feelings will pass once we actually see our child's photo but I find that daily I must recommit to the decision to adopt, from Guatemala, or at all. I surf the net about domestic adoptions, think "hey maybe having only one kid is enough"or "maybe this delay means we are not supposed to adopt or not from Guatemala" etc.etc. Three months ago, I was the most committed person around but now I just question it everyday. Is this a somewhat normal part of the process or does it mean that there is some other plan for our family? Sorry to be so long. I would welcome any of your thoughts.

[heathcliff]

I had 4 referrals immediately after submitting the dossier to Guatemala, but for various reasons all 4 fell through, and then I waited another 2 1/2 months, so for a total of 3 months for my dd'seferral. YES!! to everything you said, plus I kept questioning whether it was wise to get hopeful whenever it came to motherhood I had been let down, maybe it wasn't God's plan for me etc., etc., etc., It is totally normal to go through a range of emotions. Don't lose hope, your referral will come and your child will a perfect fit.
Cindy

[AngelQT]

I was waiting and basically was lied to. I fired my agency, and signed onto with another. They had me a referral in a matter of a week. I specified I wan't a girl also.

I was talking to a social worker that did home studies, and she told me to go with my gut feeling. That if I didn't I may always wonder down the road, the WHAT IF's.

I am so glad I switch, several people with that agency now are having major problems, to mention a few... The Attorney in Guatemala is NOT an Attorney. The Social Worker here in the states, IS NOT a legal Social Worker. Then after 7 months of one of my friends adoption, the DNA was never even done, and the Birthmother changed her mind. The referral was 2 days old when it was offered. - Now those are REAL Scary things.

I am NOT trying to tell you to give up- I am trying to tell you CHECK OUT YOUR AGENCY... AND if you have a gut feeling about something, DON"T hesitate to ASK questions. You are paying them to do their jobs, and it they aren't, you have a right to question them. If you are having problems with them this early in the process, think what it will be like later. You can always change your agency BEFORE you pay any of the country fee, but it you change them after, you will lose that money.

Hope that helps... Feel free to PM me.

THanks

[brink]

I guess when I read 6 weeks, though it must seem like an eternity to you, my first thought is that is truly not a long time in the grand scheme of things. We wait much longer for much less important things than a child. I know that every moment can seem like an eternity, but to get through this process, it helps to keep the long range goal in mind...being given the opportunity to raise another mother's child. I know there are people who would chime in about infertility issues or lost referrals, etc. But I never think it's fair to hold the country of adoption responsible for those time frames. Unfortunately it will take as long as it takes, regardless of anyone's previous heartaches. Hope you can rest in the fact that though most of this process is entirely out of our hands, if it's meant to be, nothing will prevent our child from coming home one day. Wish we knew when... and in your case, who. Just think, maybe your child is yet to be born...the perfect child soon to come into the world and end up in your arms. Hard as the waiting is, you wouldn't want to miss having him or her in your life!

[robinsnest005]

Maybe God is just waiting for your son or daughter to be born!!! I know that God chose each of my children for me. His timing is perfect, which is hard to remember when what we want is taking so long. Don't doubt your heart! This process is a long and bumpy road, but well worth the trip!
Hang in there,
Robin

[waitingforIsabel]

I know how you feel - we waited almost 4 months for a referral of a baby girl and we were paper ready too. It was very hard to wait and not to be able to get in the "game." I called our agency every week and they assured me of my place on the list. When we did get our referral my hope and joy was renewed- truly. People suggested to me that I think in terms of the baby meant for us just hadn't been born yet. It was a stretch to get my mind around that idea, but when I saw the very first photos, I knew that was true. Hang in there. It will happen!

[LuvMayaBaby]

After being completely paper ready I almost backed out with some of the same reservations you are having. In fact I held on for 1 month before telling my coordinator I was ready for a referral. Little did I know I would wait 3 more months for my referral. I had all of the range of emotions that you are having. It is normal. Now that I am a few weeks away from getting my dd nothing else seems to matter but her!

[NJRach]

You asked "Is it normal to get completely anxious,
second guess yourself etc etc??"

It IS completely normal, sorry to say.

I've done this every single day since we signed with our agency last September. Your imagination can run wild. One of our fears came true with our first referral. I worried that a relative would step in and want to raise the two sisters we had been referred. That did happen.

Now I worry about our new referral's minor birthmom. Maybe she'll take the baby back in minors court? Maybe her father is not really deceased and they'll never obtain his death certificate.

You just have to live with these doubts. Just keep telling yourself it will happen, you will be referred a baby, and he/she will come home one day.

Rachael

[LCG]

We had just shy of a 10 week wait, we started on the list as #3. After about week 4 I was ready to lose my mind. I did think maybe it isn't meant to be. I thought our agency was passing us up--It seemed so absurd to me that we weren't getting a referral. We moved up to #2, I think at week 4 or 5 but still almost 10 full weeks of jumping every time the phone rang, it was torture.
Finally one night, Aug 3rd our facilitator called--it was 9:40. I swear the negative feeling went away immediately. Then we saw our little girl and I understood the wait. She was born July 24th. We just had to wait. It is hard but remember God knows who your child is, he/she will find you. I hope its soon.

laura

[awaitingagirl]

Its normal with the domestic adoption as well. I second guess all the time. It will happen.

[redru2004]

We waited 9 weeks for our referral and we didn't specify a boy or a girl either. It was a very difficult 9 weeks for me, but to be honest with you the moment I saw my son's face, I cried with joy because I knew this child was meant to be my son, I knew God choose him for me and my DH. Your faith and your perserverance will be tested many, many, many times through this entire process, but at the end of it all, you get to spend the rest of your life loving and caring for your child. What a blessing! I just try to remind myself that this is God's plan, Lucas will come home when God wants him too, and this is so much bigger than me. Hang in there!

[Mom2to]

Thanks you all so much for your words of wisdom and kindness. They provide such sustenance at during this time. I am so grateful to have this forum to post my thoughts and feeling about this journey. Thanks again.

[jaenelle]

Sounds normal to me -- we're doing domestic and I second-guess myself all the time, wondering how long a match will take, etc. I was initally hoping to have our baby home around this time, going by the timelines the agencies were giving us, but delays in everything have made it more likely to be around the beginning of 2007 if not later. I'm trying to just hang in there and realize it will happen someday and when I meet my child I'll understand why I was made to wait so long -- because that child will be perfect for us. I don't always get this accomplished, of course, and the longer the wait the harder it is. Up until now we've kept the door to the baby's room open -- seeing the crib and baby things had been a reminder that someday there would be a baby in there. Up until a few days ago, I felt good about that. Now it's just becoming a reminder that this whole process has been filled with delays and discouraging things. I'm thinking I'll probably close the door today. It's starting to hurt too much to see the empty room.

I hope you get your referral SOON!