[Mandy4President]

I'm having a harder time with being home without Addy than I did even leaving her. I was so homesick for my other kids that it didn't hit me that my arms were REALLY empty when I got home. So I've been having multiple "sad days" in a row.

Anyways, my question is for those who visited and then did pick up (or visited multiple times). Did your babies/children remember you when you went the second time? I've heard no, and I'm trying to not expect Addy to remember me, but on the other hand my heart says, "how can she not remember her mama?" Ugh. I hate this.

Imagine how fun I've been around the house lately?

[KKR213]

I know it doesn't seem possible but I think and my mother (who was with me on both trips) agrees that John did remember us. John smiled right at me when he saw me and while I was going over the paperwork my mother was playing peekaboo with John and he was laughing up a storm. The foster mother said that he usually cries when he doesn't know people well (still happens...the poor cashier in Target yesterday). I think it also made her feel good about leaving him with us.

So yes, Addie may very well remember you! After coming home from my visit trip, I swear I could still feel him in my arms. I hope your little girl is in your arms forever very soon!!!

[Mariais5]

We visited Bryce at 2 1/2 months and 4 1/2 months.. On the second visit, she cried for about 30 minutes when they dropped her off.. We picked her up at 6 1/2 months, and she didn't cry at all. She wasn't feeling well, so that may have been part of it. But, she definitely wanted me over everyone else within a day. I'd like to think she remembered me..

[Yelena]

I honestly don't know. We visited when Juliana was 4 months old, and she adapted to us really well. She never cried for her foster mom, and she was perfectly comfortable to be with us. She smiled a lot, too!

Then we had to go back home without her (believe me, I know exactly how you feel right now!). It was another 3 months before we saw her again for the pick-up trip. She greeted us with BIG smiles and giggles, and again she had no trouble adapting to us and letting us be Mommy and Daddy. Was it because she remembered us, or was it because she's a good-natured kid who likes everyone, or could she just "sense" that we were her new family? I guess we'll never know, but any way you look at it, we've been blessed with a very happy baby.

I believe that on some level, Addy will know who you are. Of course she won't be able to think to herself, "Okay, cool, this is my mom," but I think she'll sense it, like an instinct.

The wait is harder for you now, but just keep reminding yourself that it's temporary! You'll be with her again soon, and in the meantime, keep enjoying the little ones who ARE home with you.

[Stacytoadoopt]

I have been wondering the same thing. I have planned a second visit trip because I want her to continue to remember me... and hopefully will make the transistion easier. She is now 13 mths old.

Looking forward to see all the responses to your question.

[pvanabel]

Miriana remembered us for sure...as soon as we got to the hotel on pick up, we said her name and she turned right to our voices and smiled. She was 6 months old. We had left photos and CD's and a little dog with our voices on too, which I am sure the foster mother played to her. I think Addy with recognize you and your voice too. She was about 6 months on visit, right?
I remember having the hardest time from visit to pick up too (it was about 4 months) - having Casey home helped me a bit, but I still had my mind racing constantly and checking e-mail like crazy. Mandy - e-mail me if you want to get together soon, we could do dinner, drinks, movie - anything to keep you busy.
Take care dear,
Kristie

[dspakowsky]

I don't really know, but this is what I think... if your baby is in a loving home where all her needs are being met, she is learning to trust and depend on her caregiver. That same trust and dependence that she allows herself to feel for her foster mother will transfer over to you. Then, she'll grow to know you more and more everyday and grow to love you more than anyone.

I feel that's been my experience with my daughter. She's always been very comfortable and happy, since she had a great infancy. Now she displays ove and attatchment towards her parents. The transition was smooth with her and us.

Even if you daughter doesn't "remember", she'll also know her mama went to Guatemala to meet her, hold her, and love on her, when she was a tiny baby. She'll know you've been there since the begining!

[MNStarr]

Our visit and pick u ptrip was only 3 weeks in between so I think she remembered us. At the same time it was comforting knowing that her needs were being met yet she wasn't agonizing and stressing over missing us, she was just living her day to day life and being a baby.

[romee_1101]

I also don't know for sure it they remember us, but I would like to think so. I visited my son when he was 8 months old. He did well, all things considered. He had his moments when he was fussy and looked confused and frustrated, but by the end of the visit he was gazing at my face, laughing, and looking to me for help.

I left a tape with my voice and pictures. My agency facilitator just saw him this week (he is now 10.5 mths). I had sent another photo album and she said that his face lit up when he saw my picture. So, I don't know if he truly remembers me, but I hope so. I hope to pick him up in a couple of weeks. I think on some level they must remember, even if it is just that we were kind and warm to them.

Lesley

[sherryvt0317]

We visited our daughter at 2 months, 4 months and again at 7 months. The only time she fussed at all was for the first day of our third visit. We like to think that she was only fussing because she was teething. I guess we will never know. However, when it was time to leave her again I gave her to her foster mother and she came right back to me so I guess if she was upset because she didn't remember us she got over it very quickly.

I agree that once we got home it was more difficult than actually leaving her. We have 2 children at home so I found it difficult to have them at home. However, we were fortunate enough to have our whole family together when we visited in April for a whole week. The kids really loved her.

[Cherrytex]

I really hope you are reunited 'for good' really soon Mandy. My little man was 2.5 when I first met him but I was determined for him not to forget us. So I used my 'usual' perfume everyday I was visiting him and sprayed it over his blanket that he took to bed for naps etc. I'm sure you will have your little one before you will need to visit again but if you can remember what perfume you wore when you visited and wear it as soon as you see her again it may help trigger her memory of 'Mama's smell' (along with your familiar smile of course!) Just thought anyway.

[chica_latina]

Baby girl was 3 months old and Baby Boy was 2 months old during our first visit.. They adjusted well to us, which I'm sure it was due to their age.

During our 2nd visit, they were 6 months and 5 months old.. Baby Boy didn't seem to recognize us, but didn't have a problem adjusting to us.. Baby girl also didn't seem to remember us and she had a hard time the first night.. She refused to come to me and she would cry whenever she looked at me.. She would only allow dh to soothe her.

I wore the same perfumes and lotions as I did the first time, but I think they were too young to remember us..

Maybe they will remember us when we go for our pick up trip..

[heathcliff]

I visited my dd at 2 1/2 months. During the visit whenever she would cry or fuss I sang a song to her that I had made up (important note---I am not what I would consider a musically inclined person). It was in spanish and probably not gramatically correct, but still a song none the less. I also co-slept with her on the visit trip. On my P.U. trip she was 5 1/2 months---3 months later. As soon as I held her again the first time, I started singing the song to her. Her eyes lit up and she was smiling and calm. I also co-slept with her again until we arrived home. I still sing the song to soothe her and she still loves it. Yes, I think she remembered me because of the song.

Cindy

[PackGirl]

We met Ernie when he was 3 1/2 months old. We picked him up 3 months later. I dont think that he rememberd us at all.
We have seen K at 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, and last time was at 9 months. The visit at 6 months was two days of a terrified little guy. The visit at 9 months was 5 days of a terrified little guy. He would allow me to hold him, in fact I had to or he would scream, but until the 6th day of our last visit he would not let dh even touch him or look at him.
So... I dont think that either little guy rememberd us. With all three boys we have left little baby friendly photo albums...bear's with voice boxes in them, along wtih our pictures ironed on the shirts. They really like the bears...but I dont believe they connect the bears and the voices to our own.
This is just my expierence. Of course I would be soo happy if they did seem to remember me...and I would like to think they do...but they have not acted like it. Also...I knew going in that the visits were for me...not them...specially at their ages. If they were older it would be different. But at their young ages I"m just some stranger taking care of them in a hotel.
JMHO,
Denise

[Belenbaby]

Yes Yes YES we visited Belen for her first birthday. at that time she was shy and quiet. she did not smile for a long time with us. We had to leave her, so I understand how you feel. It hurts so much. We went back 2 months late and she smiled from a distance when she saw me! My heart melted, and is still melting every time she says she loves me! I hope your process ends soon.