[Mamma]

Hi everyone - Well, my MIL read the Guatemalan adoption article that has hit just about every paper around and has had numerous phone calls from "friends."

Her opinion? Well, she thinks the agencies are taking our money and giving us a picture of a baby we'll never meet. Eventually, we'll realize we've been "taken" for our money and will have no baby. If by some miracle we do adopt, it won't be the baby we have in our pictures. Geez.

This is the LAST thing my husband needed to hear. He was a little leery of the entire international adoption process anyhow and was concerned about where the $$ was going (although he initiated the process in the beginning). And there's been a minor mixup with our DNA results/picture .... so that's not helping any either!!

When things get difficult, guess who gets ALL the questions!!! Yep, me!

I know how I will handle this.....and I'll be nice about it. I disagree with what they say about not coming home with a baby - I've seen tooooo many beautiful babies here!!! However, I can't disagree with the high risk of international adoptions. Those of us who have investigated the process before we dove into it completely understand those risks. Evidentally, as I was discussing the risks, my hubby must have had his fingers in his ears .

Thanks for letting me vent. Any advice.....send it my way!!

[WesieMom]

Believe it or not, everyone in my family has seen the article and not one person has said anything. I guess they are taking it with a grain of salt.

I don't have really any big wisdom for you to fend off the MIL's comments. Other then reassure her that you have done your research and there are risks any where you adopt and there is always bad apples everywhere. And then tell her you have alot on your mind with the process and that you don't need anymore unwanted stress. So, unless she has legit concerns or comments, that you would prefer not to hear them.
Told you I didn't have much wisdom...lol..just my own opinion.
Good luck & big hugs!

[Mat012]

I wrote an "essay" addressing the article and the side of things that it didn't address. I posted this on our journal website and was proactive by asking friends and family to read and become more educated. I asked them to be aware that most of the adoptions in Guatemala are NOT unethical and that the article had a negative slant and was focused on the unscrupulous people out there - not on legitimate agencies and people that we are dealing with. We have had nothing but support and positive comments back from our family. I hope you can help educate as well.

[lisam951]

Well, I don't really have any good advice on your MIL, but where is she getting that people are paying for an adoption and not bringing home the baby? I didn't see that in the article. To me it implied that adopting a baby from Guatemala was TOO easy, also untrue.

[lmvsmom]

My advice is to set boundaries with MIL ASAP. Let her know in a kind but firm way, that you won't tolerate negativity. Legitimate questions are fine, but she needs to believe in what you are doing for your family. You don't need the stress she's adding to the situation. Good luck!

[TerriBB]

I guess I'm lucky, my mil only reads the tabloids... . My heart is with you and I too am so sick of the horror stories!!

[jlinberger]

Have her come talk to us online here, we'll let her know that we all get our babies!

[angieandstever]

I would probably first tell her not to believe EVERYTHING the media writes. Then I would explain that with any adoption there are risks and that is why you selected an agency which is licensed or has a great reputation, with happy clients, etc.... You get the picture. I would state that you did your research and feel confident about your decision. I would also explain with all adoptions there are risks though, not just with international adoption.

Good luck. MIL's are unique and that's all I am going to say!

[Lori Elena]

Let us help you. Post the name of the agency you are using and ask anyone who is using, or even better, has used this agency to respond with their experience and even pictures of the precious babies brought home to their forever familes. Then, print out the responses and show them to your MIL and your DH.

JMHO.

Lori

[Clare'sMom]

I am the Adoptive Mom poster child in my area.... and Not One person I know has said a word to me about the article....

I don't think anyone really cares! Crazy Tom Cruise and Pamela Anderson must be bigger headlines....

The MAN did make a couple of points that no-one can argue with, and we have all heard about a thousand times about every country we adopt from, but the rest was just CRAP!

We have two Daughters from Guatemala at home (both are two yrs old) and we have a seven week old son who is still there. I know for a fact that both of my daughters ARE the babies whos photos we received. We received hundred of photos os each..... And I have almost 200 photos and a DVD of our son, so far, so I think I will know him when I see him. You will also know your child, I am positive of it.

All of the fees that we paid were right in line with what we expected to pay someone to take care of our children for MONTHS untill all of their paper-work is in order.
Break it down.... $18,000.00 paid to an attorney. For what?
How about Dr's care,
Diapers,
Formual,
cloths,
Foster Mother,
Transportation (it's a big city and gas is $$$$)
people to pre-pare all the paper work,
go to court,
pick-up and drop off papers,
and the Attorney, in the US we pay attorney fees and don't bat an eyelash,
the list goes on and on... by the time its all said and done, you can account for almost every dollar.

If you DMIL says anything else about it. ignor her! It's so not worth your energy. If you husband is afraid, tell him there are hundreds of children that come home every year with no trouble what so ever!

You are a much bigger person than I am, I don't think I could or can be that nice....

Best Wishes for the you and your child. I pray it is a speedy journey!!!

Ann

[tybeemuffin]

Tell her you have a bigger shot of getting to KEEP the baby than you would have with a domestic adoption!

[monalouise]

If it is any comfort, I completely relate. Several members of dh's family called to tell us about the article. We said yes we read it and told them not to believe everything they read.

Of course my MIL thrives on doom and gloom. It is her life. So she takes some sort of pleasure of thinking there could potentially be a problem. She is a drama queen to say the least.

I guess the best thing to do is like the previous poster said, ignore the negativity. Prove them wrong when you show up with your new baby!

Good luck!

[TBJS]

I was skeptical of the process too, before we started. So, besides my two Guatemalan children I now have at home as proof, I have several ideas.


1. My wife had confidence because a friend at work had used our agency (although through Korea, not Guatemala) and her son was 14 years old at the time, so they had a legitimate track record. Get all the info you can about your agency, length of time in business, other children that have come home through them etc.

2. Find a local adoption support/interest group were families get together and bring her. Our agency just had a picnic last weekend with too many families to count with children from Guatemala and elsewhere. Also, here in South East Michigan this weekend there is a picnic for families with Guatemalan children. Also too many families for me to count.

Seeing all these beautiful children will convince anyone.

3. This forum is great proof that it is legitimate. Yes, lots of families have delays of some sort but the overwhelming majority of children come home to their families and those that don't have some legitimate reason.

4. Tell your family it's your decision and that you only need positive support or to leave you alone.

As an adoptive parent who has been through the process twice, I was amazed at the article. The one statement sounded like the attorney just took the baby and handed it to the adoptive parents. No mention of all the U.S. paperwork prior to even starting the process in Guatemala. No mention of family court and PGN. No mention of the U.S. Embassy in Guatemala and the processes there.

I just feel sorry for those who work at the Marriott. We stayed there 4 times and everyone was wonderful. I hope there is no backlash towards them there.