[adcollins]

I've read several people say on their list of things they wish they'd done differently that they wish they had done a better job living a "normal" life while they were waiting to pick up their children. I completely understand and would love to feel like I can, but am having a very hard time.

I know that it would be a great idea to savor this time alone with my husband and to enjoy all the things that won't be so easy to do once our daughter is here, but now that we've met her and fallen in love all we can think about is when we'll be able to get her.

Every weekend, we're confronted with the same kinds of questions like, "Should we go ahead and get a car seat?" or something else to prepare for her, or will that just mean more things around the house accumulating dust waiting for her and reminding us that she's not here to use them.

Believe me, I'd much rather feel like my old self or more like a normal person instead of someone who's living in suspended animation, but if there's a way, I certainly haven't found it yet. Does anyone have any good, practical suggestions? I'd love to know how you pulled it off!

Anne

[dnedmonds]

I was completely normal until I entered week 6 into PGN (on week 11 now). Now I feel like my life is held hostage. I am doing all I can do to fix up the house - paint, clean, etc., but as you know, your baby is always on your mind. I'd rather just be laying around daydreaming of our little one crawling around the house. I wish I had advice for you, other than I really think it is okay that we feel this way. You have to feel it and express yourself in order to get any sort of clarity.

[Mom2Isabella]

I am not sure how people did it. Once we got our referral it was all we could think about. Not to mention, talk about, answer everyone's questions and shop for our baby. We did still go to dinner and movies (it is our thing) and enjoy the things that would be less when she came home. I think it is "normal" to be excited and to shop and think about your baby all the time and look forward to your updates, pictures, ect.

[ManyTimesBlessed]

I'm beginning to think that there is no such thing as living a normal life while waiting for your child. People keep telling us the same thing - enjoy your time together, enjoy getting to sleep in, etc. I try and I do enjoy those things, but I still feel like our lives are on hold. It's nice to know I'm not the only one!

[Tiggysgirl]

Is waiting for your child really that much different than pregnancy? I mean, in the sense of a "normal" life? I don't know, but I have LOTS of friends with bio babies and I can remember that the majority of the pregnancy was about THE pregnancy. People would say, "enjoy sleeping in, you won't get to do that for a while" or "enjoy the last months alone/with only one child - or however many lol" ... but I don't know one of them that did.

Does that make any sense? I'm not anywhere near there, but I guess we're already talking about the baby we'll have and where we'll take him or her, etc etc.

[romee_1101]

I can't say that my life is "normal" but I know I took the advice of my agency and avoided the listserves for awhile. I booked a couple of trips, and began planning my life as if my baby would not be home until September. I felt so much better; the more I consciously savored my free time the more the anxiety eased. So, the morning after I returned from my last trip my agency called and said I was out of PGN. Matteo may be home in three weeks or six, I don't know, but I know I can handle the wait better now than I did in June, when I was a complete basket case convinced my baby would NEVER come home!

I think it is different for everyone and we all do what we need to do to survive the horrible uncertainty of waiting and waiting and waiting.

Hang in there! You are SO not alone in this process!

Lesley

[Mindybeth6]

I have been pregnant and am now adopting and to me it is two completely different feelings. While I was pregnant...I was anxious, yes, but the baby was WITH me. We were very consumed in "preparation" but there is a known end to the pregnany...nine months. This is different because first of all who really knows when she will come home, and secondly...I wonder about things like, is she eating enough, are they bathing her good, is she getting enough one on one attention...things that I have no way of providing that I did for my son.

We do try to live life normally and honestly we are doing pretty well! Of course she is always on my mind...but I have a son to chase after who is almost four...he keep me busy.

As fo preparing for her...I am sitting in the disaster of a room that will be hers and it is no way a baby room yet. I am going to hold off on this room as long as possible because I don't want to sit in it and sulk while she is thousands of miles of away. It keeps me sane that way.

Just do what you can get through....and about the sleeping thing and all that...being a parent is far better then sleeping in or going to dinner anyday!

Hugs

[chica_latina]

Funny you posted this - I was just thinking about this.

I had a hair cut this weekend and the stylist asked me what I've been doing this summer.

"Have you gone boating?"
Nope

"Camping?"
Nope

"Husband play softball this year?"
Nope

etc etc.

I didn't realize until she asked me that our lives have been completely consumed with the adoptions. We think about the kids all the time.. When we have days off together, we'll go shopping for the kids together.. We work on their nurseries together..

We might go to the movies and out to dinner, but we talk about the kids the whole time..

It brings us joy and hope to talk about them.

The only spare time we had this summer, we spent visiting the kiddos in Guat.

Do I want to go back to our "normal lives"? I don't know about that.. I haven't had a normal life since before college (I was in an accelerated program so I had absolutely no time and little sleep).. And before that, I was too much into the partying life..

Nope.. don't want to go back to that...

It might be a good idea to balance our thoughts, but I'm really enjoying this new phase of our lives.

[Pipercub]

"Normal" is highly over-rated. I have been doing okay, but not an hour goes by where I'm not thinking and wondering what my little girl is doing. I have been able to take time and enjoy the here and now. I have made a point not to get roped into negative thoughts or wild speculation (easier said than done!) Fortunately we have a terrific group of adopting families here on the boards. Whenever one of us is getting anxious or needs encouragement, someone is always right there to cheer them on. Waiting isn't easy, but I can't think of a better group of people to wait with!

[Guatmom2006]

No normalcy here! I was so proud of myself and doing fine until we hit PGN. Now I pretty much have constant butterflies and I have trouble concentrating on anything. It would probably help if we could be normal and focus on things besides this, but I don't think that's going to happen!

[Mom2to]

Thanks so much for starting this thread. I was just thinking today that this summer feels like it has gone by in a blur between bouts of anxiety waiting to be paper ready and now waiting for a referral. I have really been trying to take periodic breaks from obsessing and worrying and have found that my limit seems to be about 4 days and then I am back at the worrying. Thanks for the reminder about reflecting on having "a life" while waiting. Everyone's comments on this thread help me feel like what I am going through is normal for the adoption process!

[blueprints]

Oh my goodness... I couldn't help you on that one, haven't a clue!!!

[jennifervan]

Wow...I wish. I have tried so hard for the past 2 years to have a "normal" life.

Actually, since our first referral, Dec. 2004 I have thought daily of what the end of this process would be like. I have believed it would be a short 6-8 month stent of time and our lives would be back to "normal".

Unfortunately, when we started this our sons were 3 and 4 years old. Now, my sons are 5 and almost 7 years old. Time has flown by and I have lost some time with my sons because I have been so wrapped up in this adoption process. I have felt torn. I have spent 2 years of their lives checking this computer. I hope this ends soon....so we can have a normal life.
There is nothing I can do to make it normal until she comes home...I have tried it all.

Jennifer

[jimmysgirl]

I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one feeling like this! I am trying very hard to keep extra busy while we wait, but it really doesn't help that much. I just cling to every update we receive about our daughter and, of course, hearing from all of you helps a great deal!

[WesieMom]

I would say our life hasn't been "normal" since way before we actually made our final decision to adopt. And once we got our referral, there was nothing "normal" about it. But I do think we have found our happy medium. Although, we want her home so much and we always think of her and wonder...we know it is out of our hands and really not much we can do but wait and go on with our day to day life. We still have our 2 bio children home and life needs to be as normal as possible for them until she comes home and it changes. We have had a great summer. We have taken road trips, we have spent hours on end in the pool. We have all 4 shopped together for her and for school clothes and supplies. So, although it has changed, it has to somewhat remain the same for the sake of sanity.