[waiting4james]

It's been such a long time since I've posted here, but reliving Juan Carlos' adoption is still difficult for me... update first,

Juan Carlos will be turning 4 next week!!! He is so full of life and is such a joy. We have been experiencing some problems which I'll discuss in a bit, but of course he is worth every heartache. About six months after he came home and after 7 years of infertility I became pregnant, and in keeping with the insanity of our life, we moved when I was seven months pregnant, all got the flu which lasted two months for me, spent the holidays in an extended stay hotel trying to hurry and find a house, found a fixer upper and closed on it in the delivery room while trying NOT to have Luke 5 weeks early. He didn't listen and came Dec. 29 after two days of trying to stop labor. He spent a week in the NICU where I could not visit him because I was quarantined with the flu! My poor husband had to move our stuff out of the hotel (they only allowed 1 child per room) and into my in laws, take care of sick Juan Carlos, console me, be with Luke in the NICU AND get the nasty house fixed enough to live in! Poor guy! I love him!

Anyhow... to anyone struggling, I just want to stress how important it is to enlist all the help you can early on. We knew after several months that our agency was not forthcoming with information, but were afraid to make waves. Because Juan Carlos experienced some emotional trauma leaving his foster mother after his first 27 months of life with her, we are living with the ramifications of that daily. He has some real insecurity which leads to explosive rages which can last hours on end over something as small as not wanting to blow his nose or change his underwear.

His entire adoption process post referral was 20 months. We had a lazy attorney, and a less than helpful agency, and ended up finishing the last of the process ourselves in Guatemala. We had thought about hiring a service I just discovered we can no longer name here who helps move things along and keep tabs on the attorney after the whole Hague mess blew over and we realized that had never been the problem for us since our attorney did not even file or begin our case until a month after the supreme court ruling (seven months post acceptance of referral)... we were horrified, but we made a huge stink, got the attention of the agency (we thought) and weren't sure it was worth paying the money to the unnamed service... big mistake - it ended up going on for another year and then some.

If any of you are experiencing this, it is worth the money... take out a loan, borrow against your home, sell a car, sell your hair- even IF your case clears a month later and you wonder if you wasted your money - who cares. This is your child and a few months can make a huge difference to them. It is worth paying for help - you could be me... you could be the one who takes two years... it is NOT worth risking. What amount would I have paid to have had another year with my son, and saved him insecurities and emotional problems later? Any amount I could figure how to come up with. Hindsight is of course 20/20, but instead of waiting it out and having regrets, do everything in your power to get your child home as soon as possible.

I cannot speak for any particular services... they gave us some incredible information when they were trying to get our business, but as I said, we didn't use them.

We thought we couldn't afford it... we couldn't... but, we could have busted our butts to come up with it. I sooo wish that we had!

If you are having problems with your adoption, I am sooo sorry, it is a huge stress and hard to find anyone who can relate to what you are going through. We were told by so many people that we should cut our losses and move on. We loved our son, we prayed a lot and our answer was always that we were on the right path. We never knew if he would come home, but we knew we were doing what God wanted us to be doing, and we kept on. I cannot imagine my life without him... he is truly amazing.

Get all the help you can, take a vacation you really can't afford, try to stay sane... I didn't realize how stressed I was until quite some time later... it took me so long to come back to some normalcy... in fact, I'm probably still on my way down, I've experienced so much trauma and so much change. The only regret I have is not being more of a b!tch for my son.

MAKE WAVES!!!

Good luck to you all,
Chelsea
mami to Juan Carlos

edited to remove name of fee based service.

[shoegirl06]

WOW - what experiences you have had! Thanks for sharing them. It helped me to put some things into proper perspective!!

[adcollins]

I can't imagine going through everything that you did! That's quite a story, and I wasn't familiar with it before your post because I'm relatively new to this board.


I'm curious-- you said that your attorney didn't file your case for 7 months after you accepted the referral. Do you mean that he didn't do any work at all on it (DNA, PA, etc) during that time, or that he didn't file it in PGN during that time?

How on earth did your agency explain it all that time?!

Anne

[DPline]

It is so good to hear from you Chelsea. I remember your trials well. I am so sorry Juan Carlos is still struggling. I pray you will find a way to help him heal.

(((hugs)))

[baybeeboy]

Could you PLEASE PM me with the name of your agency?


As you can see by our timeline, we also are stuck in a nightmare of an adoption. Just curious if we are using the same agency that you did.

Thanks! and congratulations on finally getting your baby home!

[themotheroffive]

Time to clean out your mailbox.

[newnan]

I would like a PM also of your agency...

[JohnnaMJH]

I am so sorry for all that you went through. Sounds very familiar to me, especially the rough adjustment for a 3yo boy after having to leave the only home he ever knew. Wasn't all that great of a home, but he didn't know that. WE also had to finish up things in El Salvador.

Congrats on both of your boys and good luck as you continue on the journey. I know we still deal with a lot of issues from our trauma (for our son and for us), but it is all worth it.

HUGS,

[Mary Mulcahy]

I often wondered about you, and glad to hear things are moving with Juan. I remember the terrible time you had and God bless for sticking it out for your boy. Best wishes to you,.
Mary

[jennifervan]

Wow! to be honest you scared me. Actually, I have been feeling some peace lately and now I am a little freaked out. I am going to have to pray about this. I am worried because Gabbie is approaching 14 months. I guess that gives me 6 months till we could have some really bad attatchment issues? I am new to this.

We had no movement on our case for 5 months and then we hired outside help. I am glad we did this because I cannot imagine how far behind we would be if we did not have the help of these amazing people I cannot imagine.

I am sorry for your rough process. I agree with you and I hope anyone reading this who is getting a really slow start in your adoption- please seek extra help.

Sorry...I guess you scared me.

How are you doing baybeeboy?

Jennifer

[Anne1377]

Chelsea,

Wow! How nice it is to see an update on your family. I hope that Juan Carlos is making good progress every day!

I remember very well your long drawn out process to bring Juan Carlos home.

Thanks for coming on to share your insights!!

How about some pictures of your boys??

Diane

[busterleroy]

Thanks for your update, and I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. It sounds like you have a wonderful family! I can't believe the ' you in the hospital, with the flu, moving, your husband trying to fix up the house with with a toddler running around' part. Just incredible. Yikes!

Good luck and thanks for your encouragement!

[baybeeboy]

Jennifer,

Thanks for asking! All of the required paperwork has finally been gathered and has been presented to the lawyers for them to review. They are supposed to give their thumbs up or down here shortly, and assuming that they're up, then it goes back to the dreaded registrar's office for them to issue a new cedula. Once that has been issued, then .... (never thought that I would be GLAD to get in PGN) ... our case will finally be resubmitted to PGN....

and we were kicked out on January 30th!!!!!

Our son will be 14 months old next Friday, so we too have been thinking about attachment issues. And seeing as how this is our first child, we are just crossing our fingers that things will go smoothly.

Keep me informed on your progress! I will be anxious to see your "OUT"!!

[DPline]

Originally Posted by jennifervan

Wow! to be honest you scared me. Actually, I have been feeling some peace lately and now I am a little freaked out. I am going to have to pray about this. I am worried because Gabbie is approaching 14 months. I guess that gives me 6 months till we could have some really bad attatchment issues? I am new to this.

Jennifer

Jennifer - I don't want to go to far off from Chelsea's point, but I did want to try to put your mind at ease a little bit if possible. My son came home at 20 months old and has done absolutely wonderfully. Age is definetly not a guarantee of attachment or other issues. There are people here who have brought home children under a year old, who had problems, and those who have brought home older children who didn't. Do some reading on toddler adoption, attachment, and attachment parenting and prepare for the possiblity, but try not to worry too much.

Praying Gabbie is home with you very, very soon!

[lisam951]

Originally Posted by DPline

Jennifer - I don't want to go to far off from Chelsea's point, but I did want to try to put your mind at ease a little bit if possible. My son came home at 20 months old and has done absolutely wonderfully. Age is definetly not a guarantee of attachment or other issues. There are people here who have brought home children under a year old, who had problems, and those who have brought home older children who didn't. Do some reading on toddler adoption, attachment, and <a style='text-decoration: none; border-bottom: 3px double;' href="http://www.qklinkserver.com/lm/rtl3.asp?si=92&k=attachment%20parenting&st=1" onmouseover="window.status='Search for: attachment parenting'; self.ql_skeyphrase='attachment%20parenting'; if(window.event) self.ql_sevent=window.event.srcElement; self.ql_timeout = setTimeout('ql_doMouseOver(1)', 1000); self.ql_isOverLink=true; return true;" onclick="if(self.ql_timeout) clearTimeout(self.ql_timeout); self.ql_isOverTip = false; ql_closeiframe(); self.ql_skeyphrase='attachment%20parenting'; window.status='Search for: attachment parenting';return true;" onmouseout="window.status=''; if(self.ql_timeout) clearTimeout(self.ql_timeout); self.ql_isOverTip = false; setTimeout('ql_closeiframe()', 1500); ">attachment parenting</a> and prepare for the possiblity, but try not to worry too much.

Praying Gabbie is home with you very, very soon!

I agree. My daughter came home at 17 months. She had 3 foster mothers in that short time. Evidently, she kept being removed because the care was not good. She was underweight (20 pounds 32") and wore 9-12 month clothes. She has been home almost 2 years and has attached wonderfully. Prepare and practice attachment parenting when your dd comes home. That is what we did and she is doing great. And yes, try not to worry too much.