[JCB1975]

Hi All,



I am new to the forum and am hoping to tap into all of your experience and wisdom. My DH and I are trying to decide on whether or not to visit our son. We have been trying to adopt for close to 3 years and after several failed adoptions for various reasons, we are thrilled to have been matched with a beautiful baby boy (too be named Liam) in Guatemala. We have recently been kicked out of PGN and are deeply troubled that we are in for a long wait. We are concerned that if we visit Liam, we will miss him more than we already do. I would really appreciate any advice that you may have.



Thanks in advance for your help,

Jacquie

[dspakowsky]

If you can afford to visit - go visit. It's priceless. You've come this far and the adoption will go through. We got a KO for birthmother BC, as did many other families. PGN is being difficult, but we'll get our babies home eventually.

[Aidensparents]

Jacquie, I too struggled with this same issue and after posting on another site and getting some input I decided to wait until pick up. The one comment that made me feel better was to look at it this way, " if you don't visit him and just meet him on pick up, you will never have to let him go". Good luck on the wait, I know its hard..we are waiting for our pink slip.

[aniles]

Yes, yes, yes! Our visit trip was awesome! I wouldn't trade it for the world. It was great to get to see him and get a feel for his personality. I now have a better idea of what he is like! And, my aunt is throwing me a shower next week and I'll be able to tell everyone what he is like, and I have video to show them (and look at myself when I miss him).

Also, I think it makes the paperwork a little easier. A couple my husband works with adopted from Guat. and they never visited, so they came home on a different visa. Since then, they have had quite a bit of paperwork that has taken awhile to take care of.

If you can visit - you definitely should. It was such an amazing trip that I can't really even describe it!! Good luck!!

[WesieMom]

We have chose not to visit. We have decided that emotionally we just could not leave her there after a visit with her. For us, that is the right decision. I couldn't bear leaving my little girl.

Good luck with your decision!

[Sush67]

If you can go, go. It was the most incredible week of my life and yes, it was extremely hard to leave him, but I wouldn't take it back for a second. I was not going to travel initially but I talked the DH into letting me go. What's another $2000 at this point? hehehehe

[Mariais5]

If it's possible, do it! You'll cry all the way home on the plane, but the time spent with your precious son is priceless. It's time you will never be able to get back. I wouldn't trade our visits with our daughter for anything. Even though it kills you to hand that little bundle back, I have pictures of Bryce with her sister, Daddy, and me that we treasure..

[2bASingleMom]

I couldn't imagine not visiting, but everyone is different. I took a few days to see a bit of Guatemala. For me, it was important to see where my son came from. I knew that pickup trip would not be as good of a time for it, as I'd be anxious to get home. It was hard to give him back, but it was great to see the wonderful care he was under. I wouldn't change my visit trip for the world.

Good luck with you decision.

[Guatmom2006]

My advise would be GO. We struggled with whether or not to go as well but as soon as we saw our baby all questions subsided. Yes, it was hard to leave him, but we made memories that will last the rest of his life.

[yaddakal]

I would say yes for sure but with your timeline, you may be out of PGN this week.

The problem is that you never know.
I saw a few outs yesterday of people who went in PGN mid to late May.

So it is hard to say b/c you do not know if you will be out tomorrow or next year.

We are facing this dilemma about visiting again or not.

I would say if you have the money and plan on doing in in the next week or two, it would still be nice b/c even if you are out today, you still have to wait on BC and PINK.

Good luck!

I am sure your son will be very happy

[WVUMom418]

We visited twice and it was the most wonderful and most heartbreaking experience of our lives. I cried so hard after having to return Mia to the hogar but the beautiful pictures I had of us together helped me get through the wait. I'll admit, I was really depressed for about a week after getting back from our trip but I can still say I wouldn't have traded that time with her for the world.

Plus we took a day or two extra to do some sightseeing and purchase some items that we will be able to give her when she gets older.

[Kaz99]

Although hard to leave we wouldn't change our decision to visit for anything.

We have photos and videos that are irreplaceable. We got to bond with our son and share the most incredible moments. Bathe him, rock him, comfort him, laugh with him, smile with him, hold him, smell him, hug him, feed him, change him, kiss him...We brought back his smell, a clip of his hair and he we left him our scent and our voices and our faces.

The photos of us as a family on our desks and in our home are a joy to look at.

We debated too but then I read a quote by someone and it just made sense.

" The pain you will feel when you have to leave will fade over time, but the memories you will make and the experience you have will last a lifetime." that sealed the deal for us.


God Bless in your decision
-Ran

[PabloandCarlosMama]

You ultimately have to do what you feel is the right thing to do in your heart. Visiting is a wonderful experience even though it is very painful to leave without the children. I have not only fallen in love with my children on my visit trips, but I've also fallen in love with Guatemala and so many kind and loving people there. When my boys and I have to say goodbye, there are lots of tears, but during the visits we have shared so many other precious times that we are truly becoming a family, so I tend to favor going to visit, but that's just from my own experience. Good luck, and I hope that it all works out for you in the way that is best for you and your family.

[shoegirl06]

Jacquie -

We were two of those parents who said "We can't visit, we'll never be able to leave." We've been in PGN since 4/28 and KO'ed twice. The first time was devastating enough - the second nearly sent me over the edge! DH isn't much of a traveler and HATES to "waste" money - but even he agreed that we needed a visit trip to take our minds off of all that's going on. We're leaving next week to spend 4 days with our precious daughter. I don't even want to think about the day we're leaving - I'll deal with it when it comes. I'd rather cry on a 7 hour plane ride and know I had 4 amazing days with our baby girl. You can look at it this way - the wait between visit trip & pick up trip is MUCH shorter than the wait from referral to visit trip!!

Best of luck making the decision that's right for you!

[Yelena]

Originally Posted by JCB1975

We are concerned that if we visit Liam, we will miss him more than we already do.

You will. It will make the wait even more difficult. We visited our daughter at 4 months, and the three months we waited after that to bring her home were miserable. I fell in love with her during that visit, and leaving her just ripped my heart out. BUT...it's soooo worth it!! To meet your son while he's still a tiny baby is priceless. You will be brokenhearted (TEMPORARILY), but you'll also have photos, videos, and memories that can never happen again. Plus, you'll get to meet his foster mom and be assured that he's loved and cared for. And, if on the off chance you are not happy with his care, you and your agency can do something about fixing it.

Our daughter has been home almost 2 months, and the pain of the wait is gone. I am sooo glad we visited. She's almost 9 months now, turning into a child and getting less "baby-ish" every day. I absolutely treasure those few days we had with her when she was tiny.

Go for the visit! In the long run, you'll be so glad you did!