[Niclayson]

I am having a difficult week and just am wondering if anyone else has experienced this. We went through YEARS of secondary infertility (as you can see by the ages of my kids)....I have every issue imaginable (endo, PCOS, one tube, etc). I have had too many miscarriages....

3 years ago we stopped trying. We contemplated adopting for 2 years and last year, decided that our son was waiting in Guatemala. We brought him home in March and although we got off to a very rocky start with attachment issues...all is well and we are so happy to have our family completed.

Now the surprise....I'm pregnant (probably like 3 weeks). I'm finding myself NOT happy about it. I'm dreading another lose. I have a hx of ectopics...so yesterday started the serial Beta's and ultrasounds....it may be 3 more weeks before I even know if this pregnancy is viable. I have told some family members and close friends (mostly because if it is ectopic I will be needing surgery probably again and will need help)...the ONLY one who didn't make the comment "Well, aren't you glad you adopted! It always works out that you get pregnant AFTER you adopt."...is my friend who also adopted from Guatemala.

The comments are making me nuts. Like I brought my son home as a good luck charm to pregnancy. And nobody understands that I'm not thrilled about being pregnant right now. Ugh....anybody else go thru this???

[WesieMom]

Haven't been in your shoes. But wanted to say hang in there. Your in our thoughts and prayers!

[wvamom]

I don't have any experience with this, but I wanted to say I'm so sorry for your losses and for your anxiety.

I have several children, so to those who would think one child could substitute for another (whether bio or adopted), I think they're totally off-base. None of my children is a substitute for the other.

I am praying that things go well for you this time around.

Carolyn

[SchnauzerMom]

As you can see in my siggy, we have dealt with infertility as well. We were married nearly 5 years ago and never used any type of birth control from day 1 of the marriage. We had used infertility specialists for 4 years and finally said enough. All they could tell us is we were "unexplained" because both DH and I have no obvious problem, yet as two 30 year olds, we couldn't get pregnant. We had become a case the whole 7-9 doctor practice was consulting on and started feeling like an experiment.

Once we decided to adopt I just felt a huge relief. It was like some weight was lifted off of me and I felt truly happy for the first time in a long while. Then people started making those "now you'll get pregnant" comments. Whenever someone says this to me, my memories of all the horrors I went through trying to get pregnant just resurface and I become stressed out thinking about it all. I would like to have bio children someday in addition to adopted children, but for now I just want to enjoy the joy of adopting our daughter and finally becoming a family--not be reminded of my inability to conceive, especially when I know it may never happen and there are several relatives in my family that took over 10 years to conceive.

I know if I were in shoes I would be unhappy about the pregnancy as well. Like you, I been pregnant briefly only to lose the baby or waited expectantly for some great IVF transfer only to show up negative on the pregnancy test 2 weeks later. No pregnancy will seem real to me until I reach the 2nd trimester. I hope it works out for you, but know there is someone that understands what you are going through. God bless!

Heather

[Mom2Isabella]

I can relate a bit. My husband and I just brought home our daughter from GC and it has been great. We have been married 11 years and also have never just bc. After trying ourselves and months of the infertility Dr we were having a baby, only to have a placenta detach at almost 6 months. Our son was here for only a few hours. We then did the IVF (saved $ for a year and quit my job) only to have one embryo and it did not work also trying almost a year of IUI. When we decided to adopt it was like a weight had been lifted. I do not want to be pregnant at this point and wish everyone would just stop saying that it is going to happen. Do they not think that for sooooo long that was what I dreamed of and that I did all I could do to get Pregnant. And funny thing is with my PCOS and my dh low count....I do not think we will be one of those miracle cases.

I wish you the best and it is normal to feel the way you do!!

[coachmom]

I got pregnant a month ago after having infertility problems with thyroid malfunction... After clearing up the thyroid issues, my doc said there was a chance.. But I miscarried...
But I totally understand how you are feeling..I was sad to lose the baby but somehow I was not ready to care for another one.. And I think God is in control of all things..and knows what we can handle at different points in our lives.
I pray that Gods will be done and He will bring peace to whatever happens..
(((HUGS)))
Doretta

[jburnette]

I found out I was pregnant about a month after we returned home with our son. I was on bc (and had been for the past 8 years), so it was huge surprise. We honestly weren't sure if we wanted bio kids, adoption was always the first choice for us. I was very upset for the first couple weeks. I did not feel like I was ready to be a mom again.

So now, here I am in my 6th month and I'm starting to get more and more excited. Our son just turned 1 yesterday and I know he will be a great big brother, he loves kids.

And yes, I do get those stupid comments all the time about adopting and then getting pregnant. It seems like everyone knows someone that this his happened to. I like to say, well if this happened to everyone then wouldn't people with infertility problems adopt first?!

I'll be thinking about you.

Jen

[mbandbrent]

My husband and I are in a very similiar situation as you, and can relate. We had several issues with infertility and I have struggled with PCOS since college. While pursuing adoption I found out I was pregnant shortly after accepting our referal. Our angles our nine months and two days apart. I was scared to death about having two children so close in age the entire time I was pregnant, but all has worked out. My kids love each other and I am constantly amazed at how my 13 month old can make my four month old smile. Try to stay positive. I know that can be hard, especially with your medical history, but I certainly hope that your pregnancy will go as smoothly as mine did.

[Niclayson]

Thanks so much for the support. I am trying to stay positive...but I am scared too. I'm anxious about another lose and ambivilant about being a mother again so soon if things did work out!

[Holifield99]

Niclayson-
I have not been through all that you have, and pray that you will have peace with whatever God has for you.

I did want to say how annoying it is that everyone who finds out you're pregnant after you've adopted has to tell you about the other people they know, or know of, who got pregnant after they adopted, and "isn't that funny". No, it's not funny. I did not have major issues with infertility, just some bumps in the road. We chose to adopt because we believe in adoption. After two bios, we are adopting again and people still don't get it. Adoption is not a lesser means of expanding your family. Adopted children are "real" they are "our own", and they are enough. (I am now hopping down off my soap box)

[Katelyn's Mom]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. People do not understand how much these comments hurt. I have had fertility issues for over 5 years and had three surgeries. The doctors say I would most certainly miscarry any pregnancy. Why would I want to put myself through that, emotionally and physically? After my last surgery I cannot ever get pregnant, however people hear I am adopting and feel it is necessary to tell me that they know so MANY people that have gotten pregnant after adopting. They also say oh, maybe you can still have a child of your own. It makes me so mad to hear these comments. Like the child I'm adopting isn't good enough.

Hang in there. I wish you all the best pregnant or not. I pray that God sees you through this trying time.

[Tiggysgirl]

Hi, well, this has come up in a theoretical way for us. I went through 4 years of a previous marriage in IF treatments and though my hubby and I have been married almost 2 years, of course, no pregnancy.

I was talked into trying Clomid and then a couple of days later the option of funding an adoption with early inheritance money was brought to us. I really don't think I am able to get pregnant. I have never had a positive pregnancy test and honestly, even though few people believe me, I am okay with that!

We are still waiting to find out if it will be possible to withdraw the money (may have too much of a fee with it) and at the same time, I am in a clomid cycle. I feel really bad when I think it won't work and am SO excited to adopt. I want to adopt and my hubby wants to adopt. I almost feel like I'll be slightly resentful if I do get pregnant. I know that I will hear from MANY people, "See, aren't you glad you didn't go through with the adoption because you got pregnant?" I honestly don't know what my answer would be.

I know I'll figure out how to be excited if I were to get pregnant, but we will adopt at some point. We believe in it.

So, all of that to say that I understand and I think you're feeling perfectly normal. I hope that you find peace and that all goes well for you.

[jeannecr]

Natalie, I hope that whatever happens, you will find peace with the outcome.


Like other posters, I often hear that "now that you're adopting you'll get pregnant" and it just makes me so irritated.

I can tell you that medically speaking, the statistics don't hold up that belief. The rate for pregnancy after adoption is the same as for any other woman. When not using birth control, the chance of pregnancy is 20% per cycle for younger women, and less than 5% per cycle for women approaching 40. That is without any medical problems, of course.

[little_rich1991]

I havnt been in your place.But i wanted to tell you you will be in my daily thoughts and prayers.
Keep us updated.
GOD BLESS

[devildogwife]

I can definitely relate, unfortunately. I would also be scared if I became pregnant again. The heart break of 2 miscarriages was enough for me to never want to become pregnant again. When my husband and i decided to adopt, we too felt like a huge weight had lifted from our shoulders. While I do relate to your fear, I am going to pray that God takes that away and gives you peace on this, that you won't be anxious at all.