[sassycindy]

hi,

i do know someone who got pregnant while actually picking up her daughter in the country she was adopting from. She also was fairly terrified about adding another child to the family (this would be #4) and was quite up front about telling people she wasn't very happy to be pregnant at all. Not in a bitter way, but just in a "i'm overwhelmed" kinda way. I do think it is very hard for people to hear that someone isn't happy to be pregnant, when everyone thinks that you are supposed to be.

Personally, I too would be overwhelmed and scared to be pregnant again. I feel for you. I've been through loss and wouldn't want to repeat it. I haven't used b.c. in over 10 years either, but as soon as we got a referral, I went on the pill. As soon as we got her home, my husband got a vascetomy.

Best wishes!

[ValerieP]

After 17 years of marriage and years of trying to get pregnant, my husband and I decided to adopt a beautiful little girl domestically. We were at the hospital when she was born and brought her home from the hospital. She is now 13 months old -- and I will be induced on Thursday with her little sister. You can imagine our surprise.

The first four months were horrible. The doctors thought I would lose the baby and were always cautioning us about getting too excited. (I bled constantly.)

Finally I stopped bleeding and we started telling people we were pregnant at 5 and 6 months. (It was winter and I could wear thick sweaters.) Anyways, some of the hardest conversations have been with the people who told us after we adopted that we would get pregnant. We had to admit that they were right.

My prayers are with you.

[mvoss6]

My MIL last night said to my husband, "watch Maria gets pregnant after or while you are adopting". I hate when ppl say this. I lost three pregnancies. I don't ever ever ever want to be pregnant again. Having to have a D&C was enough for me! So onward and upward we head towards adopting our babies!

You're in my prayers!

Maria

[Niclayson]

Again, thank you all. I had my first # yesterday and it was low, but I am also very early (like JUST missed a period yesterday...I just had a "feeling" that I was pregnant). I have to go twice a week for Beta's and then in about 2 weeks an US to see if they can find it...that is if I don't lose it before that.

I'm somewhat mortified that I am pregnant at all. I feel like an idiot for letting it happen. I had 3 different specialists tell me that after the last ectopic (and my FIFTH surgery)I had less than a 1% chance of even concieving! The pill is only 99% effective..and gives me high blood pressure (and I'm 38 years old)...so figured we had nothing to worry about. Seems God had other plans.

I'll let you all know.

[JoTed]

Thanks for posting this thread, and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. I sometimes feel like I am an alien from another planet when I try to express my feelings about biological kids vs adopted. I take some solace in knowing I am not alone though I have never been preg and only went through 2 years of treatments. My picture for our family is 3 or 4 adopted children. The thought of getting preg. is really disturbing to me I think because it completely changes the image i have of my family. there is no one who seems to understand why I wouldn't want to be preg.

[ps2005]

Just wanted to say that I feel for you in this difficult situation. I have not been in your shoes, as I have never been pregnant, but boy have I heard the comments! It's especially tough to hear the "now you'll get pg" comments when we are being VERY selective about who we share our adoption plans with at this point. I think it's just that we love these kids so much (or have already begun to love the child that will be ours) that for someone to act as if a pregnancy is the REAL blessing is plain hateful.

Whatever happens in your situation, I know you will be a great example to your friends/family that a child is loved and irreplaceable, no matter how they join your family!!!

Blessings to you

[4abrightfuture3]

Natalie, I havent been in your place. So I cant relate to your worry and confusion. I just want to say hang in there. It will work out exactly how it is supposed to. I wish you the best. And Congratulations !!!!!! I will say a pray for you that this pregnancy works out wonderfully

[SchnauzerMom]

Natalie, I know you are conflicted about the pregnancy and concerned about the low beta. I hope the next few double or triple and all will be ok. I know it is hard to have hope in situations like yours, but God does surprise us sometimes with wonderful miracles. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

In response to other posters, I would like to say I agree with you whole-heartedly about the pregnancy after adoption coments being irritating, and at times hurtful, and the insinuation that our adopted children will not be "real" or "measure up" to a bio child. This will be our child, even though we did not conceive her, and as such, we plan to name her after family relatives just like any other child. Our daughter will carry her grandmother's name just as I planned for a bio first daughter all these years--the fact that she is adopted does not change our extended family's joy at welcoming her into the family and taking pride in having her named after them. In tribute to her birthmother, we will keep her given name if it was truly given by her birthmother, or use the birtmother's name if we suspect otherwise, as a third name. I wish more people that have not adopted could understand that these children are just as precious to us as one that came from our wombs.

[shellysarita]

I can relate. I had emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy followed by 3 more miscarriages. Our last pregnancy was a complete surprise - we found out the week we accepted our referral. I was not happy about it. by the time I had adjusted to the idea, I miscarried a few days later. I too dreaded all the bloodwork and ultrasounds. I dreaded carrying a non viable pregnancy for 7-10 weeks until my body realized it wasn't viable.

On the other hand, I would have been thrilled to have another child once I was over the shock. Yes, the adjustment would have been difficult, but children are such a blessing, no matter how or when they join our families.

Praying for you..............

Love, Shelly

[guatemommyof3]

I can definitely understand how you feel...I've been there myself. When we were completing our second adoption from Guatemala, I was actually pregnant TWICE during the process...and they say lightning doesn't strike twice! I found out that I was pg the first time just three days after we received the referral of our daughter. When I had a miscarriage, I was devastated and sure that that would never happen again for me. Knowing that I had my baby in Guatemala to look forward to was a great help. Then at the end of the next month (when our daughter was about halfway through the process), I discovered that I was pg again (after 10 years of marriage and no pregnancies prior to this). I was shocked and really didn't believe that it would "work" that time. I got wonderful prenatal care, but only my husband and a couple of others knew our "secret." Lo and behold, I was about 14 weeks pg when we traveled to GT to bring our daughter home. I was diagnosed "high risk" shortly after we returned from Guatemala, so I was very happy that I'd been able to travel. However, I was so afraid of the outcome that I didn't tell others that I was pg until I was 5 months along and wearing maternity clothes. I know someone was watching over us! My son was born prematurely due to PPROM and a complete placenta previa. ALL of my children are now healthy and happy and doing GREAT! It took a lot of faith, but I have three wonderful children now...be happy no matter what happens for you~Karen, mommy to Benjamin & Christiana from Guatemala and to Bryan

[ggman]

I am popping in from another board... we are in the process of adopting from Haiti.

We are not "infertile" although it was difficult for us to get pg with our bio DD. We chose adoption as the way we wanted to add to our family for child #2.

A few months ago (about 7-8 mo into our adoption) we learned that I was pg. (Complete surprise... we never thought I could get pregnant "accidentally" and I always got a little bit irritated with people who did. LOL)

Anyhow-- initially I was terrified that the pregnancy would somehow hinder the adoption of my son in Haiti. I was afraid they would let us adopt him still and I was a mess. HOwever, we learned that wouldn't be an issue and I grew used to the idea, but I was still dealing with the issue of ambivilance about it. At my eight week ultrasound, they found that the baby was no longer live... probably had died 2.5 weeks prior. I WAS DEVASTATED! I mean it. I really was. This 6 weeks ago and I am still having a really hard time dealing with it.

Crazy hormonal things happen in pregnancy-- remember that. Be gentle and patient with yourself. When you are going through it it's hard to remember that it will all work out in the end-- but you know it will.

Good luck!

[TheFoxx]

Kick them. Sorry - been there, done that, have the tee shirt to show for it. Went through IF treatment, Dh w/low sperm count (2 million) and me with super high FsH (35), chances are very slim if I do get pregnant, I won't carry to term. If I beat those odds, there is a good chance I will have a child with genetic abnormalities. When idiots would say to me "oh, you're adopting??? Watch, you'll get pregnant!" my response was always "Gd, I hope not!".


I had one chemical pregnancy before we adopted. A few months ago I was over a week late. DH and I had a long talk. I told him I would accept whatever the stick said but it was negative.

I understand and respect your fears.