[joepegcamp]

I love babies. All babies. And I love buying gifts for babies. All babies.

Except when I'm forced to, aka: like a baby shower.

So we told our families that we're adopting our first child and all are very pleased. However, my MIL will want to give me a baby shower. (My mother knows me so well that she wouldn't even think of a baby shower.)

If family and friends want to shower our child with gifts, then we'll accept them happily. If they want to join us in celebration of this miracle of life, then we'll accept their joy and prayers and thank God for these wonderful people in our lives.

When I told a dear friend that I didn't want a baby shower, she exclaimed: But you get so much stuff!

And that's the point: I don't want people to feel obligated to shower our child with gifts. Sure, we need all the baby stuff. But I'm a frugle shopper. I know where to find the goods at garage sales and such. And we're in a financial position to adorn the nursery on our own.

I would much rather people give us gifts because they want to, not because they have to. And instead of spending $20 on an adorable outfit, I would much rather have that money go the millions of children who are going to bed hungry every single night.

My friends think I'm nuts; they think that I'm the only person in the world who feels this way.

I gotta believe that there are others who pass on baby showers.

(And I don't mean to offend anyone. If a baby shower is important to you, then by all means, I think you should have one.)

Please tell me that I'm not the only one.

-- Peg

[jlinberger]

Can't join ya here, babe. I couldn't wait for my shower. But hey, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, so I just wanted to encourage you to stand tall!

[StorkWatcher]

I am sure you are not alone. Perhaps a compromise , if you need to keep the peace w/ MIL. You could have a shower, but state NO gifts. Maybe donations to an agency or charity for feeding the poor.

Or host a scrapbook shower, where instead of gifts, each guest makes a page for your child's life/scrapbook and writes a note to the child.

Or a book shower - bring one child's book (new or used). Or, bring gifts you can donate to a pregnancy or adoption center, rather than things you will use yourself.

[lmitchem]

Sorry, I loved my baby shower!! But I think its fine if you don't want one! Maybe you can tell them you would rather have a welcome home party after your baby gets home and that way your inviting people to meet your new baby and a gift isn't expected.

Lisa

[DPline]

Personally I would pass on them too. Both for myself as well as attending. I LOVE buying baby presents, and will take any opportunity to do so, but the whole shower thing is not for me.

Is there any way you could convince your MIL to have a donation shower with people donating money to a charitable organization working in Guatemala? Or if your agency works with a hogar, find out items they need and have a shower for the hogar. Something along those lines to meet her halfway?

[Pudding]

Hey Peg,

I hear you loud and clear. I don't like going to them either. I don't like the silly games or the cackling sessions. I would consider myself more of an antisocial. I live in a small town. I work with numbers all day instead of people. I would not consider myself mean just more of a loner. I can easily say that I am not into baby or bridal showers at all. I agree with you! I think that my daughter got enough blankets that I could not return to feed 10 children in a third world country for a year!

Beth

[EmmyLee]

When I think back to my baby shower, the last thing that crosses my mind is the gifts. I think the wreath made lovingly of rolled up diapers and the watermelon that was cut into the shape of a pram stroller stick out in my mind. Or being blindfolded to undress, change and redress a babydoll.

I think it would be amazing to ask your MIL to have a gathering of your friends and have the invitation say "in lieu of gifts, a donation to a children's cause anywhere in the world would be much appreciated".

There are so many people on this forum who have families who would never consider throwing a baby shower, much less show excitement at the prospect of an adopted grandchild, I am sure she desires that wonderful attention a grandmother gets at this time and you wouldn't have to unwrap a single present. Perhaps you would find that it encouraged some people to give to these causes throughout the year.

Just a thought, I am not judging you, by the way!

[lisam951]

I am totally with you on this one. I had a baby shower forced on me for my bio dd and one for Marisol when we brought her home. I am not opposed to welcome home parties to celebrate the child, but to me baby showers are like begging for stuff. I am just not comfortable with that. Yes, it feels as though people feel obligated to buy you a gift because they were invited to a shower, not because they just wanted to. I have personally always preferred going to visit the baby after it came home (whether bio or adopted), visit with the mom and bring a gift to the baby. Also, I refused to register for either of my showers for this reason. If someone wanted to come, I was not going to tell them what they should buy. I was thankful for whatever I received.

[jillbee]

If your MIL wants to throw a shower, how about a luncheon instead? Is your child in a hogar? You could collect items they need instead of a gift. Or if in fostercare you could find a worthy (there are many!) charitable organization that needs items you could take with you on your visit or pickup trip. You could have Guatemalan food, maybe watch a travel video about Guatemala and dispense with the games, gifts, etc.

I am not a big fan of showers for me personally, either. My MIL threw "a little bridal shower" for me and invited 60 of my (and her) closest friends. It was very stressful and kind of awkward for me, but I love her son and knew that she was celebrating my arrival into the family and the formation of our new little family. I loved the gifts we rec'd with the arrival of each of our children, but I feel awkward recieving gifts when we have so much, and others have so little. I do love going to showers though...Hmmmmm..does that sound a little bipolar??

Even though you are not a big fan of showers, it is kind of cute that your MIL wants to celebrate your child. What do you think?

Paz,
Jill

[jules17]

I am so with you on this one.

I have already had people asking that they be invited to "the shower." I kindly stated that I don't think we are going to have one.

Not that I don't think it's nice, mind you, it is just not our cup of tea (nor was the engagement party, wedding shower, etc., etc.!) I hate being the center of attention.

We are also in a position that we don't "need" anything and would prefer donations made to a charity.

Perhaps we'll have a SMALL "welcoming" party or something, but I do not want a shower!!

You're not alone - Julie

[TerriBB]

You may talk to your MIL about a small shower after your child arrives. One of our showers was a tea in dh's hometown. Our son attended and looked so cute meeting everyone!

We had 6 showers when our son was born - it was exhausting! I was still catching up with thank you notes when he was born...then the next group of things began arriving. We had waited so long to have a child EVERYONE wanted to celebrate ~ I just wanted to sleep !
Soooo....on his first birthday, we requested "in lieu of a gift, please bring diapers for a not-for-profit" there is an organization in our area that is always looking for baby items. It was great, our son had something to open and folks didn't come empty handed! His 4 year old party is now coming up and we're going to ask for art supplies to be donated to his pre-school.

[StorkWatcher]

Another idea we borrowed from a friend - someone could host a Sip and See - in our cases, the other guests came to "sip some wine and see the baby".

Our friends did it as a couples' thing.

My other friend had an intimate gathering for me (at her house) of 6 of ladies who all came to see baby A for the first time. They drank some vino and we all talked about baby stories. Baby A was probably 5 weeks old, so for the first time I felt I was able to contribute legitimately to the conversation with my motherly advice!

[Michelle Smiles]

I HATE baby showers. HATE them. Love to shop for them, hate to attend them. I hate the games and I hate the scary birth or no sleep or poopy diaper stories that all mothers seem to want to tell the mother-to-be.
That said, I am going to end up having 2. I don't want them...and I don't need them. But, my husband (and other family and friends) have convinced me to grin and bear it. He tells me that even if I don't want the shower, it means a lot to others to throw one for me. They want to celebrate this wonderful child, especially after all of our struggles to have a child as part of our family. I've accepted that in this case, it isn't about me - it's about the baby and everyone else.
My compromise is this: they will be co-ed (if I have to suffer through it, so does he) and casual (like a bbq or something). We will also encourage gifts to a charity in lieu of gifts (but I've been informed this will likely be ignored - I'm considering not registering anywhere to further encourage this rather than gifts).

[dspakowsky]

Everyone who's saying it's so tough having showers with all those people should count your blessings. I live on a military post across the country from all our family. Not a single family member can attend my baby shower, our girls homecoming, or my daughters upcoming 1st birthday. No one. It's very depressing and I would give anything to have them here. Only my mom and step-dad attended our wedding. Not because they don't love me, but money is tight to fly across the country when they have big families of their own.

Yes, I have friends here, but when you move every 2-3 years, it's not the same. That being said... I WISH I had a baby shower!!!

[P.E.Z.]

I'm also with the ladies who loved their baby
showers
I didn't feel like people were being forced to
buy a gift , because my sister only invited
close family and friends who would have bought
a gift anyway.
It was a time of celebration!!!!!
Also a time for people to get to meet my girls!
But if you don't want one I think your MIL should
respect your choice.