[heathcliff]

My daughter has been home for 2 months now. It has been a blast and
I have really enjoyed the whole experience of motherhood. I have
been thinking a lot lately about adopting a sibling for her in the
next year or so. So I am coming to this forum and asking other
parents with several questions.

1. How did you determine the gender of the second child.

2. If your first was a boy and the 2nd was a boy, why did you decide
to go this route and how has it worked out.

3. Same question as #2 except for a girl.

4. If your children are 2 different genders, why did you go this
route and how has it worked out??

5. What would you consider the "best" age difference between the 2.

6. any other important infor that you think I should know.

Thanks in advance, I look forward the various responses!!!

Cindy

[Guatemomtobe]

bumping up

[2bASingleMom]

Hey Cindy - I'm just starting the process for #2, so I can't answer all your questions, but I can tell you how I decided.

Basically, I think that I will NOT chose (so I'll probably get a boy). I did this for #1. I think that logistically, it would be great to have another boy (reuse of clothes, sharing a room, possibly similar interests, etc.). But I don't know if I'll get to a #3 (we'll see what I can handle) so a girl would be nice too.

Anyway, I lean towards a boy for the second go around but I don't know that I care either way so I'll let fate decide (knowing that it will probably be a boy if I don't choose).

As for timing, I have lots of friends that tell me 2yrs apart is really nice. It is hard when their younger (on you) but it is nice to have someone close in age. That having been said, I'm starting now because I do have concerns that the Hague will reek havoc on this process later in 2007. So that is forcing my hand.

Good luck in your decision!

Lynn

[Reminator]

For my first adoption, I requested a girl. For the second, I didn't really set out to choose. I started looking on the Waiting Children sights. I found a few girls that were older, but it wasn't a good fit (due to travel times, adoption fees, etc.). Then I found my future son. When I saw his picture, I knew he was "the one". Another plus was that I've always wanted three, but I don't know if it will happen. And since I already have a girl, this way I get my boy. And there are so many waiting boys. I'll have one of each and if #3 doesn't happen, I'm happy with the 2 I've got. Does that make sense? That said, it would have been alot easier to get another girl though, since I already have girl clothes, and I could have left their room painted pink!

[lwils89701]

actually they came home two months apart at 6 and 9 months of age.

Originally I was going to bring one baby home and then turn around and adopt another knowing the process would take about a year...(I was working with another country originally). To make a long story short I had one problem after another with my agency and finally decided to cut my losses and move on.

By then I was much more savey about countries and agencies. I made some initial inquiries and faxed my home study to a recommended attorney and before I had done one bit of paper work I had two referrals...they had noted on the home study that I was approved for two and just assumed I would be adopting two at the same time. After waiting for so long and almost giving up, there was no way I could refuse either referral. I quickly adjusted to the idea of bringing home two babies and started on two dossiers.

I chose not to state a gender preference on the home study knowing that it was very probable I would be referred a boy. It didn't feel right to me to select a gender. Don't get me wrong, I do not have an issue with parents who choose the gender of their child...I just tried to choose a gender for weeks when I started the adoption process and finally came to the conclusion the reason I couldn't decide was because I was uncomfortable with the idea of choosing. I was comfortable with the idea of raising either a boy or girl and knew I could be a good parent either or both.

Just so you know, I was referred a girl and boy. They have been home a year now and I can no longer imagine my life without them. They have bonded well and they are bright, healthy and beautiful. They are very attached to one another and as all toddlers do they will be hugging and patting each other one minute and having an all out push and tug argument over a preferred toy the next. They are not quite two and their interests are still very much the same ...stuff animals, to play dishes, blocks, soft cars/trucks, water, crayons, einstein videos, music, stroller rides, parks and jungle gyms. I fully expect them to more fully develop their own individual interests as time goes on, but I beleive they will also have many common interests and will continue to play together for some time to come.

Having to children the same age has had it challenges especially as a single parent. It is hard to ensure both child's needs are met at the same time and yet still give each some individual attention when there is only one set of arms. It got a lot better once they were both sleeping through the night and better still when they could walk short distances. I have mastered the art of reading with a child in each arm and they have learned to take turns for everything from diaper changing to being buckled in the carseat. Right now it is a bit challenging again as I am trying to introduce the concept of potty chairs...you no more turn to take the diaper off of the second child than the first one whom you sat on the potty has stood up to investigate the TP roll and pees on the floor...I know I will laugh about these times someday!

I wouldn't change a thing!

[LeslieinGA]

I adopted my first daughter when she was 2 from Russia in 1999. I adopted Ginny from Guatemala last March at 6 months... she will be 2 next month. I'll try and answer your questions....

1. How did you determine the gender of the second child.
I decided that since I was a single female with no real male role models for a young boy that a girl would probably be best for us now. Maybe the boy will be #3?

2. If your first was a boy and the 2nd was a boy, why did you decide to go this route and how has it worked out.

3. Same question as #2 except for a girl.
It's worked out fairly well except I do have quite an age gap between the girls - 7 years. The oldest definitely noticed the attention level for her going down. Her siser simply adores her so that helps.

4. If your children are 2 different genders, why did you go this route and how has it worked out??

5. What would you consider the "best" age difference between the 2.
Personally I couldn't handle two kids close to each other and have them young. I don't have the energy or patience. Saying that, I think that 7 years is too big of a gap. They really can't play together. I'd probably go with a 4 year gap, myself.

6. any other important infor that you think I should know.
Thank goodness for friends and family! I thought I was tired now, but having a baby in the family that wants lots of attentions wears me out. I wouldn't change a thing though. I love my girls!

Leslie

[heathcliff]

Thank you to everyone who responded. I'llkeep you posted!!!Cindy

[wwgonewest]

My son is 4 and my daughter is 2 and we are busy all of the time! Those that say 2 kids are more than twice the work of 1 are right! You no longer get to rest when the first one rests because the second one needs you.

That said, it is wonderful having two and my children love each other so much. Joshua loves to be a big brother and Bella is constantly hugging and hanging on him. I don't know if 2 years is perfect timing, but that is what I have. I can already tell that it is getting easier as they get older.

As for chosing genders, I did not. Joshua was born in Texas and I was chosen to be his mama. It was the first happiest day. Then I decided that I was ready for number two and completed my domestic homestudy. I watched the domestic and international waiting child lists and happen to see the most beautiful baby that looked just like Joshua when he was a baby, only in pink. I knew that she was the one. It was a long battle to get her here (194 days in PGN, 11.5 months from referal) but now that she is here, I can't even imagine my life without her. She fits into our family perfectly, idiolizes her big brother, and has so many personality traits of me it is uncanny.

Sorry for being so long and answering out of sequence, but I think that if you listen to your heart, you will have the perfect child at the perfect time for you.

Good luck!
Wendi

[olivia929]

When I set out to adopt my first child I wanted a girl for several reasons. I felt I could better meet the needs of a girl (since I am one) and I was worried there wouldn't be enough male role models around for a son. I also had 2 small nephews and no nieces and thought there should be a girl in the family. I also always wanted a girl (probably the real reason).

When I decided to adopt the second time I also chose a girl again. The main reason I chose a girl was the relationship my sister and I have. We are only one year apart in age and we are best friends. I wanted that for my girls. Other reasons included handing down clothes, sharing a bedroom. As it turns out, however, Isabel is going to be too small to wear many of Olivia's clothes during the right season and I put them in separate rooms due to different sleeping habits (really makes bedtime much easier).

I decided a few months after adopting Olivia to adopt again due to my age and wanting them to be close in age. They are 22 months apart but will only be one year apart in school. I am not sure I would recommend this close together. It is really a lot of work right now. I think 3 years would be better. My oldest is very strong willed and allowing her another year to mature would have helped.

With that said I wouldn't change a thing. The girls are beautiful, inside and out. They are quite a bit different and that has been one of the most challenging and exciting parts of being a single parent to two. It will be very interesting to see how their personalities change and mature. I certainly hope they can have the kind of relationship my sister and I have.