[Shoshana]

I think the letter is very heartfelt and I hope that someone is moved to respond. I do have a concern, tho' that I thought I'd share since I know how important this is to Suzanne and her family.

Re the paragraph wherein minor's court, PGN, family court, abandonment are discussed. Unless the reader has a working knowledge of the Guatemalan adoption process, I think they will be lost. It might be helpful to either very succinctly outline the process, or to speak in general terms. It also might help to include some information about the "typical" process for adopting children who have been abandoned so the reader has a point of comparison.

A naive reader also might find it helpful to have some sort of explanation for the excessive delays, even a general one.

Finally, I think the writer needs to be more clear about what sort of help is being requested...

Please, I'm not trying to criticize, just reading with a critical eye and trying to help...

[Waiting4Celeste]

I am sooo excited to see how this all pans out!
I can't wait to see the HAPPY ENDING on TV somewhere SOON!!!

One thing... shouldn't the letter explain (in a concise way) what PGN is. I doubt Oprah will understand "PGN" WHEN (not if!!) she reads it. We understand the process - but perhaps the process needs to be explained more so that the average person, who might be adoption ignorant, would understand it. Then it might seem more obvious how RIDICULOUS Memo's timeline really is and how he needs to come home NOW!

JMHO

GO TEAM MEMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Waiting4Celeste]

How funny... Shoshana - you and I are on the same page!! We must have been typing this at the same time!

[mommytoEli]

that is so funny michele b that you said we need t shirts...b/c after I read the letter I said, "they should make t-shirts," and then I read your post. great minds think alike.

[kcbailey777]

I believe this is a wonderful idea and I am going to help in anyway I can. However, if someone responds to my letter and asks me what they can do to help I will not have an answer. Are we asking for legal help to file aparo's against PGN? Is money needed? Are we needing help to put political pressure on the authorities in Guatemala? Also if I am asked why or who is keeping this little boy away from his parents I don't know the answer to that either. Is it a bad lawyer, agency, someone asking for a bribe, someone in PGN, a Judge etc...?

I am willing to put in a lot of time and effort and to be a major pest to help make this happen I just need more information. I know who we are fighting for just not what.

Lisa

[sheena7112]

The letter is great! He is such a handsome boy! In all of this he knows he has someone who really loves him and is fighting for him. Wow! God bless you!! My prayers are with you. Kim

[jules17]

I agree with Celeste and Shosana (Elizabeth).

I helped edit the piece (and was so focused on format, grammar, spelling, etc.)

After thinking about it later, I thought, "Duh - the average person won't know what we are talking about."

I might suggest leaving out the "details," but rather focus on the idiotic back and forth, bureaucratic red tape, etc.

Those are things anyone can relate to and not get bogged down in the terminology.

Just my $.02 (which I realize I should have voiced earlier- whoopsie!) Julie

[4abrightfuture3]

Question- DO we have a list we can all share to be sure we all hit the same place you know, power in numbers?? Could we post it or put it on the webpage Mandy made???

Also--Did we edit the letter to make it more clear about contacts/help needed/ process? Sorry guys I was on at all yesterday so I am trying to catch up.
ANYTHING for MEMO !!!!!

[guatgal]

bumping up

[moelladeville]

This is a great letter; however, as someone who works in public relations for a living, I can tell you there are two flaws. The first one is called a "buried lead." Clearly, you are asking for help, but it's the last sentence. You will lose readers long before that. The point of your letter is "buried" at the end. I don't mean at all to criticize the writer. I'm just suggesting ways to make this communication more effective. I, too, want to see Memo home, and I'm glad to see someone taking some action.

The second challeng is that, if you don't ask them to do something specific, they won't know what to do. So whomever wrote this letter needs to work with the Lockharts to decide what, exactly, you are asking folks to do. Contact government? Contact Berger's office? Call your uncle who's a star athlete on the Guatemalan national soccer team? Help them to help you by telling them what to do.

In my opinion, you need a kicky first sentence like, "Do you want to help save a little boy's life? We need your help to contact anyone you may know to help influence the government of Guatemala to release this deserving child from nightmarish two-year battle in the courts." OR "While you were spending the Fourth of July enjoying fireworks, a junior firefighter was wishing that he'd be home for them, but the Guatemalan courts are holding him hostage. Please help us bring this deserving child home to his loving parents by contacting anyone you know who can influence the Guatemalan court system."

Just a couple of thoughts off the top of my head, but you get the idea.

[Mandy4President]

I'm more than willing to put anything on the webpage. I think it's a great idea. I just need Suzanne to tell me what she wants done because I wouldn't want to put something she wasn't comfortable with. I do think that the webpage is a good place to start. It is a lot easier to send someone a link where there is information on Memo. Just let me know what you want me to do!

Originally Posted by 4abrightfuture3

Question- DO we have a list we can all share to be sure we all hit the same place you know, power in numbers?? Could we post it or put it on the webpage Mandy made???

Also--Did we edit the letter to make it more clear about contacts/help needed/ process? Sorry guys I was on at all yesterday so I am trying to catch up.
ANYTHING for MEMO !!!!!

[lockharts]

OK everyone.. I have posted the list of people who I have sent e-mails too and those I still have to send.. They are on the Blog that someone started... Thank you all so very much..

[jules17]

Great suggestions!

Suzanne and I worked fast and feverishly on this. As I explained to her, it is impossible to get a final document without at least 5 proofs. At the bare minimum. I was working primarily with the spelling, grammar, etc. as someone else wrote the letter (and I didn't want to step on anyone's toes!)

I agree it needs to grab (I work for NPR) but not by being hokey (that will turn people off faster). For example, asking if you want to save a little boy's life could be misunderstood as he is literally failing physically. Also not being critical - I think this feedback from everyone is wonderful and will certainly help Memo!

I DEFINITELY agree that what needs to be done and how needs to be included.

I think it is important that this could be seen as a "draft in progress" - I don't know if Suzanne would object, but perhaps a few of us should form a team and get the letter cleaned up and ready to go!

This could be a beautiful collaborative project.

What do you think? AGAIN- not trying to be critical or step on any toes - I think once you have been in the news business, you tend to develop a very thick skin and assume others have as well. Thanks and peace, Julie

[lockharts]

For those of you looking for more addresses.. Here are some more...

Rep Todd Aikin 202-225-2561
rep.akin@mail.house.gov <rep.akin@mail.house.gov>

Rep. Lacy Clay 202-225-2406
michelle.d.allen@mail.house.gov

Senator Christopher Bond 202-224-5721
kit_bond@bond.senate.gov

Rep. Russ Carnahan 202-225-2671
no e-mail that I can find....

Rep. Kenny Hulsof 202-225-2956
rep.hulshof@mail.house.gov

Senator James Talent 202-224-6154
senator_talent@talent.senate.gov



I hope that this works soon.. It is making me crazy...
Thank you all...