[linda512]

In my excited state and my state of disbelief, I am trying to get ready to travel when the call comes, in between travelling last weekend and this weekend. I am getting gifts together for the foster family, etc, and finally realized there is a good chance I may meet the birth mother also. I really hope to meet her for Benji's sake and so she can know that he will be well cared for. I want to ask her about family medical history if I can (yes, I am a doctor). I am not sure about a gift. The only thing she really needs I am sure, is money, so she can buy what she needs. But I am not sure what to do.
Has anyone met the birth mother? What is appropriate in terms of gifts, etc. Any questions anyone can think of that I should ask for Benji later?
Thanks.

[jlinberger]

I would advise being careful giving money- it could look like "payment". JMHO. Perhaps a nice letter, or if you want to give her something, perhaps something specific to your state or city. What a neat opportunity to meet the birthmother though! Perhaps a pic of your family? Good luck!

[Suzeb1]

I was able to meet my dd's birthmother and I am so grateful for the pictures and video we now have. I took her a small picture album with pictures of dd from my visit trip, a bracelet and a photo book of my city. (Money could easily be misinterpreted as payment, so I avoided that,)

I asked some questions about my dd's heritage and what her birthmother would want dd to know about her. I also told dd's birthmom about where dd would be living and what opportunities she would have. I had a lot of questions I would have asked, but I ended up not wanting our time together to feel like an interview and I also discovered that her birthmother didn't have a lot of information that we take for granted.

It was wonderful to see my dd and her birthmother together. Her birthmom held her while we talked and was very loving and sweet with her. I am so grateful to have that memory to share with my daughter, and I believe that it was very important for dd's birthmom as well.

Susan

[lcpd]

We were able to meet our daughter's birth mother. She actually requested to meet us. She also traveled eight hours on a bus along with her 18 month old son. We did not give her anything, although did buy her a water while we were talking. She did not request anything either. She didn't have any questions for us, but we asked her about her and our daughter's medical history, a little about her current lifestyle such as what she did for a living and what her village was like. We also asked her some questions about what was in the social history. We were glad we did because much of what was written was inaccurate. She was able to clarify things. We also asked her if there was anything she wanted us to tell our daughter when she was older. We also asked her if she would be interested in meeting our daughter when she was older if she chose to find her. All in all, it was a very emotional and wonderful meeting. She is a strong woman and we got some great video/pictures to share with our daughter when she gets older. We brought a portable kodak printer so my dh printed off a bunch of pictures for her to take with her.

[annaguat]

I would say pictures of the baby and of you and your family. Even referral and update pictures. I would ask for an address and if it is ok to send pictures there. I hope you have the oportunity to meet her. Anna

[mayama]

We too were able to meet our son's birthmother. I didn't take or give her anything because we didn't know until the evening before that we would be meeting her (and we were staying at an orphanage with no shopping opportunities). We will have the chance to send letters and pictures in the future through our facilitator.


I was very nervous, but it was a great experience that I wouldn't trade for anything. I too really wanted some family history (I'm a genetic counselor) -- but the ** was orphaned as a child and there was no info to be had. We took pictures with her, and she showed us an album of pictures of her older child.

I hope you get to meet her. Sorry I'm no help with gift ideas!

[WVUMom418]

We had the wonderful opportunity to meet our daughters birthmother, grandmother and 3 year old brother. I knew of the meeting in advance to I bought a beautiful photo album that I filled with pictures from our visits, monthly updates and I even included a copy of the DNA photo. There were a lot of empty pages that I promised I would send more pictures to fill up.

I also gave her a necklace that I had engraved that I got from birth angel dot com. Unlike the others I also gave her a card as we were leaving that had a note and money in it. Our daughters birthmother is very sick and unable to work so I know it is hard for her to care for her 3 year old. In my note I specifically stated that I hoped the money would help her care for her son.

I have sent pictures down to add to the photo album twice since our meeting, once immediately after our return so she had pictures of us all together and then just last week (it's been 6 months).