[guatmom4113]

My dh and I began this adoption endeavor two years ago this month. Certainly, we thought we would have her home by now. When we met her, they said she had just turned seven, which would mean that she would be just be turning nine. I found out that was an untrue statement. She is actually over ten years old now. That's quite a jump maturity wise. Because so much time has passed, and there is still no end in sight (we are currently kicked out of PGN and have been for over two weeks), I am no longer sure if we are doing the right thing. My son is ready to drop this. My husband is too. I think all of us have had enough of the lies and empty promises day after day after day. After two years, it tends to wear on you!! I would definitely believe this is also true for the child we have been trying so hard to adopt. After all, how can it not be? If we continue, and we do bring her home, what will our lives be like?? My son says she will never be able to accept me as her "mother." Another friend who is familiar with adoptions and lives in Guatemala is also skeptical of the outcome. What do you all think? I would like to hear from someone who has adopted an older child and has had had promises made and they have not come true for their child time and time again. As I said, I am just not sure anymore.

[Mindybeth6]

I have no words of advice. I just wanted to say I will be praying for you and your situation.

Hugs

[Pipercub]

I am so sorry! What a very trying time! {{Hugs}}

There are a few others in the same situation; I will pray you will have wisdom to make the right decision for your family. ++

[alreadylove2005]

Like the others, I don't have any advice but lots of (((((((((hugs)))))))))) and prayers for your family. This must be so difficult, I can't begin to imagine.

Janet

[rjvpmn]

I guess my first thoughts were for you how hard it must be. I cant imagine. That is a very long time. I guess my next thought was oh gosh to get to PGN and then stop would be hard too.I wondered what would happen to the little girl. I do have a 10 yr old and I would think it would be hard. I have to say my Mom left my Dad when I was 10 and it was awful . He married a gal and we bonded because I needed a woman in my life. To this day she is the best Grandma to my kids and we are like sisters. It did take lots of yrs and time to bond but I am so thankful for her in my life.
I hope things work out for you.. you are in a tough spot.
We are waiting for a 4 yr old and I worry about her getting older by the day. We have not been in it that long and we are in PGN. I feel thankful for that.
My best to you.
Becky

[mommytoEli]

As far as....."My son says she will never be able to accept me as her "mother." That is a very honest statement for a child to make....I'd be interested to hear how old your son is. I just want to share that a few years ago I began fostering an 8 year old girl and a 9 year old boy, we adopted them last year at ages 10 and 11. It definitely was not an easy transition. Our children had to learn how to live with a new family, with new rules, and new foods, and new everything. B/C of neglect and institution living, they had to be taught everything from social norms to how to use a knife to cut meat. There were difficulties in school and behavior. There were tons of tantrums and lots of lying. We had no language barriers, but there were some cultural and "life-style choice"(hygeine, sleep, habits, hobbies, movies, etc) issues we had to contend with.Here we are over 3 years later, and the outcome is interesting. On the negative side, there is dd, the younger of the 2. She has had a harder time adjusting to her new life, and I do not know that she will ever "accept" me as her mom. She calls me mom.....and she has never said, "you're not my mom," but we do not have a mother/daughter relationship. Most days I do not even think she likes me. She is complex and difficult. On the other hand, my ds, the older one, has "crossed over" if you will. He treats me like a mom, sometimes even hugs me before going to school....which is cute, since he is now 12 1/2. He is truly a great kid! (And dd has her days, too. I attribute alot of the difference to the fact that ds always wanted to be adopted...and dd wanted to live it out in the institution (since it was "easier" for her emotionally to live somewhere where she did not have to attach...and then be disappointed and hurt by someone). Do you know how this little girl feels about being adopted by you? I'm glad you acknowledge that it is tough for her too. I am sure it is. These older children are very well aware of their losses, and most look forward to the gains. Have you been keeping in touch with her?
I love my older children. They are a great asset to my family...both of them....difficulties and all. I am so glad that we were able to make a family with these 2 children....however...it is difficult...I won't lie...as all adoptions are....just in a slightly different way. Instead of poopy diapers and night time feedings, you may have emotional outbursts, tantrums, and therapy. (From even the "well-behaved child" since adjusting to new situations is difficult for most people.) After adopting my 2 older children, a newborn baby, and soon little eli, I have to say HONESTLY, I probably will not adopt an older child again....but I think it has less to do with the stress and difficulties and more to do with birth order. (everyone has their own strong opinions on this issue....we happen to side with the "pro" side...to each his own
I am sorry that this process is taking so long for you. It always seems that it is harder to adopt the older children.....which seems so backwards. It was easier for us to adopt our little baby than it was our older sibling set. These children deserve love and stability just as much as little babies, and yet they continue to be caught up in red tape....even in the U.S. My encouragement to you would be to keep at it. I think that in the end you will be happy that you saw it to the end. But whatever you decide to do, good luck to you and your family. If you have any questions about older kid adoptions.....feel free to pm me.

[WesieMom]

I to have no advice, but am praying for you and your family.

LISA~

[ceya]

I can understand the emotions you and your family are going through at this time.

We started our first adoption in August 2001. Our daughter was 7-1/2 months old. We then accepted a second referral of an infant that was 10 months younger, hoping that both of our daughters would be home together and have each other to grow up with.

As of today's date, we still do not have our daughter home. It will be 5 years in August. We have finally made it to PGN, and are praying that she will soon be home. We have made 20 trips to Guatemala to visit our precious girl. She is our daughter, and has been since the moment we set eyes on her. A day doesn't go by when her sister does not ask for her. Whenever I buy something for our daughter that is home she always wants to get something for her sister as well.

As a mother, my heart aches for her. How frustrating it must be for her to keep hearing us tell her she will soon be home, only to be disappointed yet again.

It has been a long, hard journey, but if we had to do it all over again, we would. She is in our hearts and souls, she is our daughter.

Every family is different, and must make their own decisions. It is never easy. Your family will make the right decision for all of you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Our daughters are precious gifts from God, as are all children.

God has taught our family patience. We cannot imagine life without both of our daughters. When they run to each other in the hotel and stand there hugging each other, not wanting to let each other go, it brings us to tears to our eyes. The staff at the hotel is also brought to tears.

Your family is in our prayers.

[mommywannabee]

This would be an extremely difficult decision. I'm assuming she also speaks Spanish and would have to learn our language as well as transition into a new family.

I will pray that your path is clear to you and that the Lord's will be done...

[csw]

Hi
It does seem that the ages get mixed up sometimes on the older kids..am I reading your timeline correctly that you have visited her once? You have to do what is right for you and your family..but I would worry that she has gotten her hopes up all this time..I know of folks adopting a girl older than 10 from Guatemala...I also know of a family who adopted a 9 year old from Columbia and never had any problems (she picked up English quickly) that I know of..

How old is your son? Is she going to be older than him?

[LCG]

We will be praying for you. You are really being tested and only you and your family can figure out what is right. This must be so difficult--we'll be thinking about you.

Laura

[JohnnaMJH]

I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I know that only you guys can know what is right for you. I will say that I think it is important to know what type of conditions your daughter is living in now. Has she been prepared to be adopted at all? Is there any chance of neglect, or worse, abuse? Those two things would make it much harder for her and for you. That said, some kids are just resilient and come through terrible traumas with so much strength. It is inexplicable except for the fact that they are just made of strong stuff. Dealing with a child who may have been abused and/or neglected could be very hard though. That is the main thing I would consider.

Our son came home at three. He was not prepared at all, although I admit that you can't prepare a 3yo that much. He also was neglected some and very, very spoiled. That sounds like it might not be such a big deal, but it was and is. Do I believe he was meant to be in our family, yes. But, I do also warn everyone who asks about older child adoption and the long road that can lie ahead.

Again, I don't mean to discourage you. No one here can know what is right for you guys. Either way, don't be afraid to consider what is best for the three of you. Maybe people don't understand, but they won't be the ones either living the the hardship of the terrible wait or having to walk away.

HUGS and again, I am so sorry. It is so unfair what the 'system' puts some people through.

[apetry26]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. We too have been almost two years in this process trying to get a daugher in our family. You have some personal decisions to make. Can you accept this child into your home as your daugher? Will you son accept her as his sister. I, personally, could not just turn away from a child that I have considered 'mine' for two years... I would do everything in my power to ensure that she felt and became part of my family.

I would also visit her again and see how things played out from there, meaning did she warm up to you; what are your feelings for her; IF after that you are still considering terminating the adoption, then maybe that is what is best for your family...

It is such a difficult position to be in; I wish you the best of luck and hope you find peace in whatever decision you make.

Angie

[LadyTink]

I have no advice, but I want you to know that I'm praying for you!!

[LMG]

I have no advice regarding adopting an older child but please know that I continue to think of you and pray for your case. I know it seems like things are pretty hopeless because I am feeling the same way and we have been trying to adopt for a year and a half now. We were originally in another program, then switched to Guatemala last summer.

Laura