[Tamiswaiting]

I feel a bit silly asking about this already , but I like gathering all the info I can and ask questions as I think of them...

I've always thought that when I had a baby, I would avoid running to pick my baby up every time he/she whimpered in order to avoid problems getting the child to bed, etc. as he got older (ie: Dr. Phil episodes). I'm not sure that I'm phrasing this correctly, but hope you can understand what I'm referring to .

Now that I've moved on to adoption, I believe that I may need to rethink that way of doing things. Because he will have been with a caregiver before he comes home, I'm thinking that the baby will need me to respond every time he cries in order to show him that I am there and he can trust me forever to not leave him.

Any thoughts or input would be appreciated!

[MNStarr]

I think for us responding to her when she would cry and making sure we met her needs really helped with the attaching. There were certain times she would fuss and we would rock her or pat her back but never let her cry it out without some comfort. For us there were times she would cry and all we could do was hold her she didn't want or need anything. It was very hard to do but I can't imagine not responding.

[kjdnyc]

It is recommended by many adoption "experts" that for the first several weeks or more you respond to every whimper no matter - that this is the time for the baby to understand that no matter what they do, you are there for them - there will be plenty of time after that to set routines and do behavior conditioning (e.g. not picking her up every time she cries). I recommend you getting some of the books on attaching in adoption - they have great advice on how to handle the transition.


Good luck.

[Tamiswaiting]

Thanks for the responses.

Kathy-Is there a specific book that you'd recommend?

[kjdnyc]

Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray


Raising Adopted Children by Lori Melina

You may also just want to do some reading on the internet - lots of stuff out there - perhaps type "attachment in adoption" in google or other search engine and see what comes up - I've found lots of helpful information that way.


Good luck.

[Larue]

Thanks Tam for the post. And thank's Kathy for the book recommedations. I've been wondering this myself!

[kcbailey777]

I don't think you can put a time limit on the attachment period. When you know beyond a shadow of a doubt your child is bonded/attached as if you had given birth to him or her then you can let them cry it out. You will also be able to tell by his or her cry what the need is and what to do about it. Trust your instincts.

Lisa

[Katelyn's Mom]

I have a lot of educational background on children, so this is where I get my info. That being said. I learned that for all babies, we should go to them each time they cry. You cannot spoil a baby. This is the only way the the baby has of communicating his or her wants or desires. In addition, responding to the baby's needs lets them know that they can trust that you will be there for them. You don't have to listen to me by no means, this is just what I have learned. Best of luck!